As Easter takes its time arriving this year and piggy shoppers and their hellspawn continue to pillage your store for the next few weeks, here on RHU we'll be grabbing April by its floppy ears and bringing you the funniest stories and pics we can find to ease your spring time work hell fever.
Besides Easter Hell, we've got some juicy classic RHU themes for you this month and a new one we have never covered before that will make you want to scream and laugh at the same time!
So grab your favorite jellybeans and buckle up, here's what we've got lined up for RHU April:
As is tradition here at RHU, the month of April is the time when we release Religious Freak stories out into the cyber world. Freddy and I spent years having to deal with these kinds of crazy custys in our respective Retail Hell jobs, and now we are happy to post stories about them for you to enjoy!
These custys aren't your normal, everyday folks who just happen to go to church on Sunday.
These are freaks who break down in prayer in the middle of the refrigerated aisle because they're just so gosh-danged blessed by God's love that spontaneous prayer is mandatory, even if it violates fire codes.
These are the jerks who try to press a chick tract or religious pamphlet into your hands after the transaction is completed because they think you "need it."
These are the lowlife scumbags who tip you in fake cash that is really a sneering insult to your intelligence and tell you that you wouldn't be disappointed if you fed your brains to the Zombie Hey-seuss!
These are the nutjobs who think your Star of David is the Devil's symbol and scream for your unemployment.
Send your craziest, your weirdest, your worst Religious Freak Custy stories to us!
Old People Hell
Some days you get a sweet old grandma who just needs a little help with something. They smile, they thank you, and they appreciate your assistance, since they're just not as spry as they used to be.
And then other days you get a raging hell bitch who thinks being old gives her the freedom to abuse anyone and everyone in her vicinity, but if you defend yourself, you're a rude young person who needs to learn to respect the elderly and be fired! Dealing with crazy old ladies and cranky old men can make you want to scream and rip your hair out.
Thankfully after the moment of insanity passes (usually after they have left), Old People Hell can deliver some of the funnies tales. Have you had an encounter with a geriatric crusty lately? Do tell RHU!
Life throws us all a curve call now and again, and when that happens, the job has to take a back burner to dealing with miserable situations that arise. And then there are the managers who are heartless, soulless and downright toxic. We've all had them. There really is no escape from getting one.
One of the worst things to happen when you are struggling with life's curve balls is when a Toxic Manager gets in your face and tells you that you "need to get your priorities straight;" namely, to put your job BEFORE a loved one's funeral, or their health issues, or even your own health. When this venomous viper starts dripping poison around, workplace hell springs forth.
Have you had a Toxic Manager ruin a special event or moment in your life? Tell us about it.
[English Is Hard]
We've noticed quite a few English is Hard moments lately and they are coming from everywhere; restaurants, department stores, grocery stores, convenience stores, gas stations. So get ready bad grammar enthusiasts, there are some hilarious spelling and sentence disasters coming RHU's way in April.
And feel free to send us any English is Hard moments you may spot online, at work, or out and about.
Although engineering isn't really "retail" related, we wouldn't have stores without it! Last year we had such a blast posting Engineering Fails we decided to bring them back. There appears to be no shortage of building, bathroom, and road mishaps that leave you scratching your head. Why is the cross walk leading to bushes, an escalator going into a wall, or water coming out of a electrical socket?! What the hell?!
As the internet continues to change so many areas of retail, vending machines have remained resilient in American culture, used by many on a daily basis as a quick way to grab a snack at work or school.
But there is a darkside to these temperamental metal boxes. They can turn evil without notice, swallowing money and breaking down, misbehaving in ways that makes you want to fall to your knees and weep or become angry and turn into the Hulk. Love em or hate em, vending machines are hear to stay and taunt you.
Have you ever had a vending machine break your heart and you took a pic of it? Send it to us.
As always, send your stories and photos to email@example.com