The Balls Of Stalker Shoppers Should Be Cut Off

Are you with me Retail Slave Ladies?

We have had it up to our fucking eyeliner with these creepy ass men coming into our stores and relentlessly stalking us and trying to get down our panties. Fucking nasty ass douchebags.

I recently got an email from my Retail Slut friend Nicole in Washington. She writes:

I'd like to request a topic for Carolanne to bitch about: Sleazy Pick-Up Line Customers.

Carolanne, I'm sure you too have been hit on by nasty old men who haven't gotten any since 1929. I'm damn sick of sleazy-ass old perverts hitting on me while I'm ringing up their purchases.

If it helps, I'd like to share my own vomit-inducing story:

I was ringing up a man that was at least 50 years old.

Sleazy-Ass Customer: Are you even old enough to work here?

Me: Yes.

Sleazy-Ass Customer: How old are you?

Me: Nineteen. You have to be sixteen or older to work here.

Sleazy-Ass Customer: Oh so you're legal? (he pauses thoughtfully). You look bored.

I wanted to tell him to fuck off but am forced to be a Retail Droid.

Me: Well, it's been kind of a long day, but not too bad.

Sleazy-Ass Customer: You should come over to my place sometime!

Me:!!!

I was speechless.

Sleazy-Ass Customer: I like to date younger women, because none of the women my age can have babies anymore!

Me: *pukes all over him*

Could the guy be anymore of a fucking pervert?! I would have hacked his dick off and shoved it up his fucking ass, but then I'd have to look at the nasty thing. We're retail slaves, not fucking hookers! If you want sex, go pay a fucking prostitute!

Thanks RHU! Hang in there, I feel your pain,

Nicole

Thanks for your email Nicole. Let's hunt him down and hack off his tiny little penis together. What a fucking disgusting old cheesedick.

If I had a fucking dollar for every man or woman that tried to pick me up while I was slaving away in Retail Hell, I'd have so much fucking money I'd be sitting poolside at my pimped out Malibu mansion having one of those castrated Sleazy-Ass customers serve me blackberry mojitos.

I am sick to fuckin death of gross, dirty old men trying to pick up on me. When I first started in retail, I was naive and stupid and thought I had to be nice to everyone - even the creepy-ass fat, old fuckers with a receding hairline telling me he had a house in Hawaii and he wanted to fuckin buy me everything in the store and whisk me away to a better life. I  wanted to vomit, just like Nicole did. He stalked me for months until I learned the "I will fucking kill you" stare. I just slightly lowered my head, rolled my eyes toward my eyebrows, leered at him, and scowled while he talked. Fuckin freaked his old ass out. This death-is-in-your-future gaze has stopped many sleazy men, and a few women who were headed in that direction. I recommend it to all.

Stalker Shoppers are a huge, fucking problem for all us Retail Slaves and I think we will have to deal with it in more depth on our upcoming YouTube shows, but Nicole you and I are not alone. Morticia recently mentioned her disdain for creepy motherfuckers in her last blog (if you missed it CLICK HERE), and there have also been a few comments from our Myspace Retail Slaves. My girl Kendra wrote last week how she thinks creepy guy customers asking us girls to try things on so they can see how it looks, should be banned Retail questions! Hell yeah bitches!!! You got that right!

Because of those Sleazy-Ass Fuckers, luckily our store has allowed us to say no to male customers who ask us to try on clothes and model for them. However, one day I was working with total eager to please Polly Pocket Retail Droid who had only worked in the Store for like a day and if a customer had told her to reach up and pick their nose, the stupid bitch would have presented her index finger and said, "Which nostril ma'am?".

Anyway, I walked by the fitting room area and saw that she had on one of our fucking outfits and was modeling it for a short, old, bald, Korean man who was staring at her ass and moving closer to it.

Dumbshit Polly Droid was lost in her thoughts and checking herself out in the mirror and had no fucking clue what he was doing. The whole scene fucking pissed me off and sent me into a rage. If there is a fire-breathing succubus dragon monster in Retail Hell, Carolanne turned into it at that moment.

I stormed over to him, held up my hand like a stop sign, and said, "You see my five fingers asshole? You have five fuckin seconds to get the fuck out of this store before we scream rape, yell that you grabbed our tits and asses, call store security, and a whole lot of ugly comes raining down on your ass and you end up on fuckin Dateline's To Catch a Predator or the fuckin 6 o'clock news as the city's newest scummy sex offender. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! NOW MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

The guy ran like hell and that was the end of that.

So girls, here's what I'm sayin: DO NOT put up with this shit. Yes, many of us work at stores where we have to be nice Retail Droids and do what they say, but there is a limit and that limit is any customer - man or woman - that is after our booty when we don't want them being after it. When this happens, you hold up that hand with The Finger Five and repeat my speech from above. Word for fuckin word. Don't leave anything out. In fact, I want you to add that if you catch the douchebag anywhere near you in the store or outside of it, you will have your two huge brothers, Tito and Guido, hold him down while you cut his fucking balls off!

I guarantee you, no more Sleazy-Ass dirty old Stalker Shopper. Most of them are dirty, old gross, unhappy married trolls. Total fuckin whimps.

Tuesday on RHU we'll have Retail Hell Survival Tips For Thwarting Stalker Shoppers For Both Women AND Men...yes Jason and Freddy have both been stalked...yes, by both men and women....when it comes to stalking, Retail Hell does not discriminate!

That's the shit for now, my fellow Sluts and Whores,

Don't let Retail Hell get to you, kick its motherfucking ass,

Carolanne

RHU Update!

Our Myspace friend, MC just sent us this message:

"Yes, cut them off....and sell them 1/2 off." 

We think that's a bitchin idea! Stalker Shopper Ball Sale! Thanks MC!

Also, as it turns out MC makes super-cool knitted, crocheted, and hand-sewn hats, scarves, bikinis, and stuff. She can design to your personal specifications as well. Check out her myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/littlefishink

Comments

[Freddy]

I love you Carolanne! I'm going to call you the next time I'm stalker-shopped.

[Morticia]

Eww I hate this. I look young enough to get them to fuck off by telling them I'm 16, as long as I have my tattoos covered. They're so gross.

[retail slut]

I love Carolanne Im so happy she talked about this subject I hate dirty old men!!!!! Retail girls lets kick some ass!!!!

[NAUGHTY ....JASON]

Thats our RETAIL HELL GIRL......Carolanne!!!

....GREAT ADVICE

....I luv it when she gets PISSED OFF!!!

[Leyla]

I totally feel ya girls. I have had this happen numerous times. At the clothing store I worked at I had some gross ones.
We had 2 guys come up to the cash wrap and me and my associate were standing up there talking. The guys are talking to us about sizes for their "women" and what not. So he looks at our chests and goes, YUP, I think she's about your size. I'm like WTF!!!! That shit always happens. I hate it.
At the hardware store, we have 2 lines to cash people out in and I said to the guy "i can take you over here sir".
He goes .... "well.. you can take me anywhere if you'd like. I wasn't supposed to say that huh? ....you smell good *leaning in* what is that I smell?"
I'm like W T F !!!!!!!!
Guys are pigs.

Disgusting old booty chasers!
Carolanne's Bitch Depart. is fucking funny! And true!!!
Thanks Carolanne

Hey Carolanne,
I just had an old fart try to hit on me. The thought of his bony old liver spotted hands touching my bod gives me the creeps!
What the fuck is wrong with these guys?

[Retail Therapist]

As I was reading that I was thinking "Wow, thank fuck I've never had any sleazy-ass dirty old stalker shoppers", then I remembered I have to put up with with 2 sleazy-ass dirty male colleagues. Eugh!

hi

You know this happens to me, but i rather blow em all up to sh*t along with they children instead of ball chopping.
What it is these corporate jews throw pennies at these dumb ass ppl, specially immigrants to sniff your but whether you like it or not. And you cant deport this trash cause the female immigrant already laid her trash in this country, and since its a corporation it cant be changed, i say find the individual who owns it all n put a bullet in his child, thatll be that. Driftus