More Stupid Customer Questions

From Retail Slave Spritzy:

Seeing as RHU's current theme seems to be stupid customer questions I thought I'd toss in my own conglomeration from the grocery store checkout.

 

When we don't have any customers we are required to stand at the end of our isle and "eagerly welcome" (more like "numbly direct") any waiting customers into our lane. The other day I almost clawed my ears off like a mite ridden coyote for how many times I was asked:

"Are you open?"

No! No, I'm not open! I'm just standing here blocking the OBVIOUSLY OPEN checkout lane in a last minute attempt to divert your attention to this great display of half price low fat yogurt bars so we can wheedle another $1.87 out of your raggedy pocket.

Along with this inane question come the self appointed funny guys who like to shake it up with "Are you waiting there just for me?" or "How about I give you some work to do!?" and the always classic "Lemme guess, you don't have anyone in your line?"
Gads, it makes ya wanna bust an embolism!

And it may make me a terrible, horrible, awful person but when customers say "How are you?" after our employment required, scripted greeting I could stab someone in the knee. I hate it because the only acceptable response is "Fine." or "Great." or "Just peachy you big lovable palooka!"

But more often than not, being in the confines of my retail slavery, I'm completely miserable. And too taunted with a false opportunity to bawl out all my misery and pain every five minutes is maddening. It's like dangling a basted puppy biscuit in front of a pit bull and then swiping it away, sooner or later you's gonna get bit. "I'm not fine or great and you certainly AREN'T a big lovable palooka and quite honestly I'd rather have a broken fibula and a dislocated shoulder during a codeine shortage than be here scanning your canned potted meat byproducts."

And we all enjoy the customers who stare intently at the register screen blurting out "Did that ring up on sale?!?!" after every item. and then ask "What's my total!?!" after we've scanned only six of their 942 items.

"I'm sorry but my sub-cranial implant that downloads an all comprehensive knowledge of every aspect of this corporation since the beginning of time has been recalled on account of too many accidental lobotomies. The ones who didn't exanguiate through their eyes were all promoted to managerial staff due to their newly obtained qualifications and would be glad to help you at the courtesy desk."

*ting* :D

Spritzy

Comments

[Regan]

I know. I wish people would just THINK before they spoke. Like....don't you fucking think people have said those dumb ass things before!? Argh!
My favorite...(And I have heard my friends/family say it while shopping and I cringe)
There's a tag missing on the item so they say....you guessed it!
"I couldn't find a price....it's free huh!? Harharhar Heeheehee"
LOL.
I fucking hate it.

[Spritzy]

Oh yes, but have you ever gotten one who's serious about it being free? Then it's time to pull out the "you can't be serious" eyebrow raise and pray to God that they don't throw a hissy when you tell them that it's not free.

I cannot STAND it when idiots ask "Are you open?"

No, my light is on for no reason and I'm standing here for FUN! I LOVE standing in front of the cash register in the grocery store in my uniform for no reason at all!

Or the ones that'll say after every item I scan "That's buy one get one free right?!" "2 for $5?!" "That's on sale, right?"

Uggh.

[Sam]

I completely relate to all of this, if I have one more old geezer tell me "Oh, Are you waiting on me?" I swear I'm going make them trip and break their hip. But the worse is when somebody comes up to the Express lane with WAY more than 12 items. Now, I'm not going to lie, if I have nobody at my line and it's been like that for more than 10 minutes, I'll let it slide. BUT, when I have a huge line of people get the fuck out, I mean if you can't read, or count maybe you should just die of starvation.

[Tim Gordon]

You gotta love the inane questions. My personal favorite is "Do you work here?"

Bitch, I'm wearing a uniform, I have a name tag, and I'm putting shit ON the shelves; it's safe to assume that yes, I work here.

[I just look around.]

Are you open?

.......NO........

Walks away.

[emily]

how about the old realible "do you work here?"
lately i answer with just unfortently i do. and once with no i just like to take up space and collect a paycheck for it.

[Paul Miller]

While working at a Sears Hardware Store during the summer, we had a fan display set up at main entrance, meaning that every one that walked through the front door was subjected to a isle of crossfire wind blowing for approx 100 feet. A customer walked through all that, then faced me at the paint counter and asks "do you have any fans?" I told him " have few people that liked me, but I wouldn’t call them FANS" then walked away.

[CrazyGrl]

I was at a drugstore on Sunday and asked the cashier how he was doing. He told me he wasn't too good and when I commented about a bad day, he told me his boss was an asshole, he was supposed to be studying for finals but got called in to work, had to practice TaeKwonDo but didn't have time between work and school stuff and it's been this way since he was 15 years old.

Man, there were times when I worked retail that I wish I would have had the guts to say that to customers.