Retail Hell Underground

A Store Sign We Love (Minus The Misspelling)

Pic is from a Lake Tahoe Save Mart.
They must have absolutey been getting a lot of this...

CLICK HERE

Rude Fat Ass Drive Thru Customer

Holy screaming customers, Batman!
TO THE DOUCHE MOBILE!
-nananananana-

Well, RHU.

I had a customer scream at me in Drive Thru so loud that my supervisor could hear her, through my headset, and he was like... Six feet away from me.

Here’s the story!
-Flashback music-

If you order a combo, our cash has to finish the combo; it cannot work on another at the same time.

Me: Hi, welcome to –Restaurant-. May I take your order please?

Her:  -Really fast- I want two number fours one with a large ring and one with a large fry and –this- to drink.

Me: Sorry, ma’am. What was the drink?

Her: A DIET FUCKING COKE. JUST LIKE I FUCKING TOLD YOU. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

I literally almost cried due to the hurting of my ears.

My coworker then took over.

Him: Ma’am, don’t be so rude.

Her: YOU’RE BEING FUCKING RUDE.

Him: Uh, no. We aren’t. I just took over because the girl you were speaking with might have permanent hearing damage due to your screaming. =/

Her: YOU’RE FUCKING RUDE.

Him: Then by all means, drive away.

She came up to the window, she had to have weighed at least a million pounds.

And demanded that she speak with my supervisor.

Who didn’t do a fucking thing.

Ugh.

Short rant is short. Just wanted to get it out of my system.

This is Burger Bitch saying; Stay classy, RHU.

/Corny.

Shopping Carts Breaking The Law

Piggy Customer Attack

This Piggy Shopper attack was captured by B who rants:

"Today I was working around the cosmetics area and I happened upon this. For some damn reason our customers think it is perfectly fine to spread nail polish on the base shelf and the plastic labels....'OH HAY I'LL JUST SEE WHAT COLOR IT IS EVEN THOUGH I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH THE FUCKING CONTAINER. LET ME JUST USE THIS SHELF TO SEE WHAT COLOR IT WILL BE.' I wanted to punch people in the face for this....just unbelievable..."

We would like to find the Piggy Shopper who did this and test every nail polish color on her fucking face!

Customer Reject

Perhaps the Custy decided they just didn't want to know why...

Mannequin In Love With Herself

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, I AM the most beautiful mannequin...
...and you know it, so don't give me any shit cuz I'll shatter your ass with my head.

Butch Walker's Here Comes... (The Mannequin?)

Okay, Jason.....don't go getting any ideas...

Shopping Carts Pull A Big Ass Train

Hey Freddy.....Jason took a picture of a SHIT-LOAD of CARTS that tried 'very hard' to make their ESCAPE..... BUT were RE-CAPTURED BY THE GROCERY STORE GESTAPO!

  Jason WAS HIDING with his camera in the bushes.....Jason barely made it out ALIVE!

Return Hell

So you're looking at this saying WTF is it?
It's from CSI, Retail Hell Underground's Costco Secret Informant.
Here's what CSI has to say:
 

"I know its been a while. Its been crazy. Stupid bullshit mostly.
The above pic is a return.
Someone returned one cucumber and 4 single cherries.
And got their full money back on both.
Man I wish we would stop accepting these."

Okay that's just customer service madness. What's next a peach pit?

This incident reminds me of a time I was at Costco and saw a woman demand a refund for a cake she had purchased. The cashier asked her where the cake was. She looked at him like he'd just fallen out of a spaceship and then said, "WE ATE IT! It was horrible and I want my money back." He gave her the refund. Bitch got herself a free cake. Costco's bakery pretty much rocks, I can't imagine a cake from their being "horrible." Which makes me think she was scamming.

Cinema Customer Learns A Lesson

Sometimes showing your Retail Balls doesn't always involve putting a naughty custy in their place. Sometimes you can teach them a lesson by doing a good deed. Seraph, a former Cinema Slave from Toronto did just that:

I worked for a year at a busy downtown cinema in Toronto, and there were several guests whom I learned to recognize as they returned, some two or three times a week.

 

One of them was an impressively overweight lady who needed help to move, and was usually perched atop an enormous scooter-type vehicle, which had nearly enough junk piled on it to be an RV.  

 

The first time I encountered her, she had just come out of one of the theatres where someone had vomited on the floor just after the cleaning crew had been through, so there was no way the staff could have known about it, but apparently it was my fault.  I was on washroom duty, and all I did for the entire shift was walk in a circuit between the four washrooms and clean them every half hour.  But she saw me as an employee, and attacked.

She backed me up against a wall with her land-boat and berated me for several minutes about how I, and I specifically, was horrible and stupid for allowing people to go into a theatre where someone had vomited, and that the movie (which had not yet started) was ruined for her now, and that she wanted me to move the movie to a different, clean theatre so she could watch it there, and refused to believe or understand that I could not do that... until I saw a manager walking past and waved her over so I could scuttle off like a cockroach.  For which I'm sure the manager loved me.

 

But the funny part occured about two weeks later, when I encountered her again.  Of the four washrooms, there is only one small handicap-accessable one, and it is located in a small alcove behind the stairs.  And this woman had gotten her land-boat stuck in there.  If you ever saw the Austin Powers movie where he gets this little buggy stuck sideways in a hallway, it was like that.  She's moving the scooter three inches back and forth and back and forth, while her dazed looking friend is looking on with dismay.

 

So when I arrived, I asked very politely if they needed help.  And they did indeed.  Now, I'm a pretty solid woman, but I'm not huge, nor particularly tall.  But after a few more attempts to free the cart, I just bent down, gripped the bumper of the scooter, which probably weighed about 500 pounds with the woman and all her crap on it, lifted the front end, turned the scooter 90 degrees, and set it down again.

 

Landboat and her friend are both awed, and one of them says 'holy crap you're strong!'

 

I grinned at them, and particularly to Landboat, and told her quietly, 'Yeah,  People should be polite to me.'  And then louder, "No problem, have a nice day."  And walked away smirking.

 

Awesome.

YOU are awesome Seraph! And for that we give you a prestigious Retail Balls Award. You rose above Landboat's lower level of slime and acted like a human. Not easy for a Wronged Retail Slave. Jason wanted to leave the Landboat bitch stuck, Carolanne wanted to throw gummi bears at her, and Freddy wanted to call a tow truck. Seraph,you have big giant cinematic balls and we salute you!

If you have a story where you've used your Retail Balls to keep a customer or manager in line, send it to us! Who knows, maybe you could be our next winner! Submit@retailhellunderground.com

Hat Quake

Forget duck and cover.
When a hat quake hits you need to SCREAM and RUN!
Run away as fast you can. Run to the nearest bar.
Drink like there's no tomorrow.
Return from your lunch with a shovel.

Foamy The Squirrel

Sent in from RHU Blogger Spritzy, who writes:
Oh. My. Freakin. Galoshes. This is SO so true! I love this squirrel. Fuck the endless barage of questions that are required to be asked at checkouts!

The Customer is Always

R-Rude

I-Ignorant

G-Greedy

H-Heartless

T-Tightassed

Here's another Foamy we thought was funny as well:

Shopping Cart Gets A Time Out

One Way To Increase Game Sales

Oops.
Sent in from B, who added, "I've been working at ******* for two weeks and I've already had to deal with two customers fighting (one was in a wheelchair). These two ladies got into a catfight in which the lady i was helping started crying and yelling at the woman in the wheelchair, saying "am I supposed to feel sorry that you are in a wheelchair!!!?!!"

Arcade Retail Hell

Second rant post. Last time I didn't give a name.

This time just call me Arcade Anarchist.

My "store" is mostly entirely self-serve or automated. Customer comes in puts quarters in the machine they want to play, play the game. Then repeat process or leave. My job mostly consist of making sure noone breaks the games, dont break themselves, or break bills if so needed.

Most people understand this concept, I only get one or two stupid customers in a 3 hour period, but damn are they stupid when I get them.

1: All games say how much they cost like "1 quarter= 1 credit, 2 credits to play"... don't ask if they take quarters or tokens.

2: "Hey can you break this" handing large bill... "yea sure".... they leave without spending any at my store, I promptly call the mall security.

3: please do not take the masking tape off the coin acceptors to games they are there for a reason, and I wont give you a refund.

4: I wont give you a refund because you didn't like the game. Nor that you put change in and decided you didn't want to play.

5: Do not try and trick me into believing you placed 3 dollars into a machine that takes 50 cents. I wont believe you.

6: Do not ask me to give you free change so that way you can catch the bus. If you do ill call mall security cause you taking quarters from patrons disallows them to play games.

7: If you want me to take your coins and exchange them for quarters please give me all that you plan to exchange not 25 cents now , another 5 minutes later, and another 5 minutes later.

8: dont ask me to exchange coins for bills, so you can use the change machine again in hopes of getting a speicial quarter.

9: I will clean up your spills, I wont bite off heads (unless your a repeat offender) just please tell me when they happen dont just leave em there.

10: standing at a machine pointing to it stareing at me will not get you service any quicker than coming up and asking for it. In fact if you do this i will normally not bring change to check the machine or give you refund. so its takes me twice as long to solve your issue.

11: the coin op rides/ candy directly outside my store do not belong to the arcade, they belong to the mall. I cannot give refunds for them.

12: I cannot direct you to any other arcade, cause if they did exsist in the metro area id like to know where they are too.

13: we did not get any of our games from the big chain that went bankrupt last year.

14: I hold high score on one game and one game only, and thats bust-a-move

15: the balls in skee-ball go up the ramp not anywhere else. not thrown at siblings, not thrown at significant others, not thrown at me

16: our games do not award tickets, and by association I do not give prizes, I do have a drawer full of candy for anyone who asks nicely.

Coupon Scammer Hell Update

From Samuel:

Church lady came back today...I went out to my car for my break and her car was parked next to MY FUCKING CAR?! and of course she HAD to come through my line and it took every ounce of my being not to reach over and choke her to death!!

Carolanne thinks you should have slashed the bitch's tires!

If you missed Samuel's Coupon Rant, scroll down past the Mannequins in Bondage...

Mannequins in Bondage From Marc Jacobs

Thank you Marc Jacobs. We love you.



That's a lot of duct tape!



One of the Marc Jacobs stores on Melrose in West Hollywood, CA.

Coupon Scammer Hell

Coupon Scammers are everywhere! Totally up our retail asses. But our friend Samuel here is not letting them get away with shit :

Okay, So I understand the economy is not in the best of shape but Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, these people are really getting out of hand.  Let's see there is a woman who constantly comes in with a shitload of expired coupons and tries to use them and every fucking time I tell her I'm sorry, we don't accept expired coupons so now when she comes through my lane I go through every fucking coupon and if I'm lucky she will have one that she can use, AND about a month ago, this woman tried to use a raincheck on an item, but her raincheck expired February 2008?! She also constantly comes in and wants a raincheck for an item we don't have and then she needs one for her sister that is sick....I've worked there for almost a year and I've NEVER seen this sister.

Another woman comes in and cuts off the expiration dates of the coupons and tries to use them and EVERY time I tell her no, you can't use them since the expiration dates aren't on them.  Then she tries to give some sob story about how she only buys these items for her church.  So I guess she thinks if she can lie about the coupons it's okay because it's for a church....I don't think so.  OH!! I forgot something about this lady she told me that she just bought a new car......a $35,000 car?! I just want to ask her well you can spend $35,000 for a car but you can't spend an extra 4 dollars for shit for "the church"?

Yet another woman comes in around once a month and buys just the store brand items and tries to use coupons for the name brand item.  I honestly hate this woman with every ounce of my being and at one point the customer behind her told her to stop trying to cheat the system.

Also, at my store we only double 2 identical coupons up to a dollar, so we have people come in with 50 million different "orders" because they don't want to fork over the extra 25 cents.

A couple of days ago I had this woman buy an item that was buy one get two free, so this woman decided that since she was getting 3 items she should use 3 coupons.  I tried to explain to her that we can't give credit on something that she didn't pay for. So, I just handed her back the coupons and needless to say she was pissed but I just put on my happy face and told her to have a nice day.

So I saved the best for last!  About a week ago, I was working the self checkout and I went to arrange the coupons and I noticed that there were four internet coupons that were clearly photocopied so I took them out and I told the other person to be on the lookout for them. Well a few hours later I went to help this lady and we were done with her order she handed me one of those photocopied coupons. I explained to her that they are voided if they are copied which is CLEARLY printed on the coupon.  Well she said "This is Bullshit! You mean I have to print all of the coupons from my printer." I told her "I'm sorry but yes those are the rules and furthermore I can call Loss Preventions since I have four more of these coupons and who's to say that you didn't use them" Then she said "Oh, well I'll just pay for my stuff and leave, and I'm NEVER coming back"  So, she left and I haven't seen her back....so I guess that's one less scammer!

Man, that felt good
Samuel

Customer Rejects: Grocery Store Edition

So how did the Nasty Ass Thief steal the frozen pizza?

Did they eat it on the spot?

Was it shoved down a pair of loose sweat pants?

Did they fold it in half and slide it a backpack or handbag?
Or did they just stick it under their arm and walk out the store?


Apple butter anyone?


Yay! A new ice cream topping!

Neckline Slimmer

Where's the piece that goes in her mouth?