Retail Hell of the Nightclub Kind

Retail Hell isn't just found in stores, check out this Halloween nightmare story from a Cocktail Waitress Slave:

I work as a cocktail waitress at a nightclub. 

If you want to deal with the sleaze and scum of the earth, or if you have more brain bleach on hand than you know what to do with, work in a nightclub. 

I took the job at this place because I was desperate for money, but not so desperate that I was about to take the only other job I had been offered: serving alcohol at a strip club.

Although, I might as well have.

I have many stories of men hitting on me, and I've now lost count of how many times I've been groped or how many boners I've felt as drunk horny fucktards decide that grinding on me while I'm holding a tray full of drinks is cute.

The fun part about all this is I have to take it all with a smile on my face, because if I don't, it means no tips and another week of ramen for breakfast and dinner.

The Halloween season was a complete nightmare. The week before Halloween, the club sponsored a Swinger's Party/Erotic Ball.  The first tab I opened was for a couple wearing ass-less chaps and not much else. Maybe a hat, I don't really remember.

After them, I managed to sell a table - woo hoo, $25 tip automatically for me!!  Too bad it was for some old guy, probably in his mid 50s, who would rest his hand on my ass every time I brought his table a round of drinks.

Other tales just from Swinger's Night include two couples having sex on the outdoor smoking patio, seeing several different sets of boobs as drunk whores decided to strip in the middle of the dance floor, a couple getting fisted in one of the booths next to the one I was serving, and me getting caught in the middle of two separate fights. 

One was over Cororna, and I ended up paying $20 OUT OF MY OWN FUCKING POCKET because these douchbags decided they didn't want the 6 fucking Coronas they had just ordered. 

I'm sorry, I know they're insanely overpriced, but its 15 minutes to last call, and if I can't resell them, I'm paying for them! Guess what didn't get sold in time? Yup, four of the damn Coronas.  I don't know what the other fight was about, I just know I was getting the customer his change, and suddenly there's spilled beer and broken bottles and punches all around me. 

The highlight of this party, however, was the wife who obviously was too jealous to be at a Swinger's Party. Her husband bought another lady a drink, which the wife promptly took and dumped on the floor. They then took their fight to the upstairs lobby. Now, our club is four floors tall, with a winding staircase from basement to top floor - and a space in between the staircases so you can see all the way to the basement floor from the top floor.

According to the bouncers and the resident drag queen who witnessed this, the wife got her husband into a headlock and was punching him repeatedly in the face. Just as the bouncers got there to break them up, the husband breaks out of the headlock, and the momentum sends him stumbling backwards and right over the railing. Yes, my friends, he fell down all four floors and landed on the floor of the basement, just inches away from landing on the owner. 

I like to tell people the flying man survived because he landed on his beer gut. Anyway, when the EMTs arrived, this guy had no teeth left, his nose was at a pronounced horizontal angle, he was bleeding from his head, and his wife was screaming OVERSERVING!!! 

Now, in Utah, if you so much as whisper that you have been overserved in a bar, you will have the police swoop down on you so goddamned fast it will leave your head spinning, and all you'll remember the next day will be a ticket and the loss of your permit to serve alcohol, and therefore the loss of your job. People could be getting murdered on the sidewalk, and the police would be more concerned about the alleged overconsumption of alcohol. Luckily, the owner decided to fight the ticket, since it was obvious the bitch wife was just screaming that to deflect a domestic abuse and assault charge, so we haven't been shut down yet.

The rest of the week leading up to Halloween was just as crazy.

We had several couples get thrown out for having sex in the club, including one couple on the couches where the girl was sitting on the guy's lap trying to make it look like nothing was happening. EW! 

We had guys throwing up in urinals and bitches abusing everyone in sight as they were escorted out of the club. 

I had drunk guys start grinding on me, and one guy suddenly lift me up in the air so his midget friend could put his face in my butt and between my legs. And people wonder why I wear three layers of underwear when I work. 

One line I hear all the time when I ask what drink I can get someone is simply "I want you." 

Well, thanks hun, but I'm working and have plently of other less obese men who have offered me that in the last ten minutes. What's that? You want me to just leave work and come get in your car and drive away with you? 

Um, I prefer to have some source of income tomorrow, and your gut is far too large for me to even be remotely tempted. Half an hour later, I walk by this guy again, only to have him yell at me because he went out to get his car and waited and waited for me and I never came out. 

And it doesn't help that I get more tips the more skin I show. Some nights I'll just walk around in a push-up bra and sexy underwear, because I just make more money that way. I've already gotten two offers to do nude modeling, and one might even pay me.

But the kicker is the drunk guys who say, "Oh sweetie, you look good, but its just not you."  Thanks hun.  Because women like me really enjoy strange men putting money down their underwear like they're strippers, or getting groped when they're bringing you the drink you ordered and you tip ONE FUCKING DOLLAR OR DON'T TIP AT ALL WHEN YOU JUST ORDERED FIVE $10 SHOTS!!!!! 

Yeah, I just do this job for shits and giggles. At least avoid the backhanded compliments so I don't feel like a total whore.

Tip the people who bring you your alcohol!!  I made $35 on Halloween, after working a 12 hour day to set up before and clean up after!! Even with the $2.13 an hour I get as salary, I didn't even fucking make fucking minimum wage. All because people have enough fucking money to make these elaborate fucking costumes and buy a shot of top shelf fucking alcohol, but not enough money to tip the cute girl who's humiliating herself to get enough money to pay rent.  I didn't get home until 6 am, upon which I promptly did 6 shots in 15 minutes and another four in the next 30 minutes. 

Happy Halloween, fellow fucked-over Sluts and Slaves!

Cocktail Waitress Slave

 

Comments

[atombomb1945]

Here is a way to deal with those to drunk to know any better (ie the gropers). The drunker people get, the less they realize the change they get back is incorrect. Heck most just stick it in a pocket. Hold back a buck every so often, and they never figure it out.

[Joe]

Sorry atombomb, but I gotta disagree with you. In my experience, when drunks even THINK they're being ripped off by their server, it doesn't end well.

[Blockbitcher]

Maybe threaten to put your clothes back on if they don't tip? Or strip whilst they're paying. =)

[Kat]

Note to self: never work where alcohol is served, ever.

I hope you can get a way better job soon, this must really be the shits :( Hell, McDonalds has to be better than that Hellhole.

[Spritzy]

Good lord, I agree with Kat...ne're shall I be employed in such a wretched place. I'd be likely to dole out black eyes and knitting needles to the jugular on a regular basis in such a place.

[Anna]

OMG that kind of payment is beyond ridiculous!?! :O Thank God the law wouldn't permit that in my country, but if I may say so, in yours bar owners really should start paying the waiters from THEIR pockets instead of (half-heartedly) hoping customers will take care of that!...

[Burger Bitch]

Have one of those eletrocutey thingys from the sixties in your hand.
And be like "AAW THANKS -Touches their face-"

[Britt]

I don't know where you live, but here in Arkansas it's illegal if you're not making minimum wage, even if you're a server. If, at the end of the night, your tips plus hourly wage don't equal minimum wage your business is required to compensate for the remaining amount. I'd definitely either talk to your boss about the situation or get another job.

[Former Wal-Slave]

@ Britt,

She works in Utah. A lot of western & south western states are 'right to work' states which means you have the right to work like a slave. Unions and fair treatment and decent wages are dirty words. Many a time I've heard employers say, "If you don't want this job plenty of other people (illegal immigrants) do."

[Anna]

So an employer can have someone work for them almost for free ($2.13 an hour!!)? Seriously? Charming. Even if the tips did amount to minimum wage, it still pisses me off that employers can pay THAT little.

[yetanotherslave]

If you're already serving in your bra and underwear while getting groped, why not just go serve at the strip club? You'd make much more money.

[Dorian]

damn... and I thought the federal minimum wage law meant they were required to pay you $7.50 an hour. I'm sorry T_T I really hope less shit happens for you.

[Logan]

Serving in a strip club might actually make more sense. There is generally a more serious 'no touching' rule (at least in regards to servers) that is enforced by the bouncers more than it is in a regular bar.