Dumbass Customer Questions

  

Comeback Lines:

Fuck You It's Not a Musical

I work in a major grocery chain as a frozen/dairy stocker.

I have all respect for retail warriors in other kinds of stores, but sadly.. Everyone has to eat.

Do you know why grocery stores have automatic doors?

It's not to make shoving in carts easier, it's because some of these mouth breathers wouldn't be able to figure out how to get a door open.

Back in the old days there were two or three dried up custy bodies leaning against the glass a week, pawing at the door handles with this dazed confusion still on their faces before the old timers chucked them in the growler for chili. We miss you Darwin!

Standing there, in my brightly emblazioned shirt, that has the name of the store on each sleeve, my shiny name tag, and weilding cardboard boxes like an over caffinated member of "Blue man group" trying to stave off frostbite in fucking june I get to deal with people who can't understand that there is ACTUALLY Coconut in the coconut cream pies... Fuck me with an oar.

"Do you work here?"

"Well, I'm trying not too but I guess you just can't let me slack off in peace huh?"

"I actually work for <Competitor> But I'm here undercover to spy on the eggs... Get out of here before you blow my cover!"

"Do you shop here?"

"No, I just like lifting 60 lbs bags of ice while wearing a jacket with <Stores name> In big bright orange letters on the back."

The worst though, the ones who just walk up behind you and ask for things without even trying to make eye contact. Or don't even bother to try and make a complete sentence.

"Paper Plates"

"Nice to meet you Ms. Plates, I'm Retail Slave. Did you need any help today?"

Best cut myself there, enjoy the small sample of my misery.

Chris of Chicago

Comments

[RaleighRob]

I hate those "Do you work here" types. I agree they are stupid, asking you that even though you're covered with the store logo all over.

Then there's the ones who will turn to a fellow shopper like me--wearing jeans, sandals, a t-shirt and sunglasses on my head, pushing my own cart of groceries--and ask the same question. Um....WTF??

[N/A]

I used to just look down at my name tag and say "apparently so" with a grin when people asked me that. I've found a little gentle humor allows you to call custys idiots without them getting offended.

It's funny how some people just can't figure this out. There was one time my hubby and I were going to a wedding and he decided at the last minute that he needed a different tie. Fair enough. We stopped at Kohls on the way there. He was dressed in smart pants and shirt, I was wearing an ankle length silk skirt with a silk bodice top and had my hair and make up all done up. Some woman comes up to me and asks where the Juniors department is so I told her I really didn't know. She started giving me all this cheek about how I should know and she was going to complain to the manager, getting really worked up. I told her I was sure he'd love to hear about her harassing his customers. Cow didn't even apologize, just stormed off.

[Megan]

I really love it when I go to wal-mart or target, where the employee dress is pretty obvious and get asked questions by customers even though I'm not wearing anything close to employee dress code. And when they do, I don't act polite, because really? Use your eyes and brains, people!

[Jit]

Dude. There was a time where I was putting things back on a shelf because they fell over anda customer asked me if I worked there. I was wearing my kenpo gee still (karate uniform). Really? ...Really?

"No..."
"Oh, well you were putting things on a shelf so I thought you were."
Aaaaalrighty then.

[Arcade anarchist]

There was a point in Wal-mart I was wearing my trenchcoat and someone asked If I worked there. I told them no but that store was like 5 minutes walking from my home so I was pretty familiar with it so I helped them out to the best I could cause the only employee I saw was on a ladder. They ended up not finding what it was so they complained about my services...

[Anna]

I work at supermarkets and other stores, putting EAS tags on products. I'm not employed by any of the shops directly but by a separate theft prevention company. What I'd really need is a vest that says something to the effect of, "Not an employee of the shop. Not allowed to act as one, does not know the products any better than you do, and is not here to serve you. Is here to do her job, please do not disturb. And no, getting angry won't help you. Go talk to the store staff instead. No I don't have a phone for calling them, and I don't know where they all are at present, but you can probably find them as easily as I can and get your answer more quickly than if I were to abandon my work and go look for them. Have a good day! :) "

(Just to clarify - I don't _really_ mind people asking me questions, not that much, although the occasional 10+ times an hour is kind of too much. If they ask where something is I often tell them, sometimes even leave my work to show them, although naturally I can't do this all the time. However, most of the time I either don't know whatever their asking me or don't have the authority to answer. What I can't stand is people getting all pissed off about not getting their answer/help from ME...And no, I don't even wear the same vest as the store staff!)

[Burger Bitch]

I don't get asked the "Do you work here?" a lot now, because I work in fast food.
But I got that all the time at my last job.
I'd be standing AT CASH and some dumbass would ask me if I worked there.

The most famous stupid question I get asked now is "What's in the combo?"
Huge sign behind me: THIS IS WHAT'S IN THE COMBO.
Me: ._.

[Curt]

When people would rudely say, "paper plates," I'd play dumb.

"I'm sorry, how can I help you?"

"Paper plates."

"Ok, paper plates, what would you like to know about them?"

"Where are they?!!" (very flip and rude)

"Oh, okay, see I wasn't sure what you were asking at first... (drawing it out yet again). They're in aisle 12, left side, half way down."

Kill them with kindness but don't facilitate their rude behavior.