Retail Hell of the Poultry Kind

From Chicken Flinger:

 So I recently got a job at a well known fast food chicken place. 

I can leave it up to you to decide which one.

I was working the lobby cash register the other night and we were experiencing a rush.  You can see where this is going, right? 

So, of course, at the beginning of the line is a man who seems to speak no language whatsoever (no, he was not deaf, he just didn't seem to have a comprehending of any language we tried speaking to him).

He kept pointing at the menu, saying he wanted "that".

Me: Which one?

Him: That.  *points*

Me: Where?

Him: One on the bottom.  *points again for emphasis*

Me: The 4-piece individual meal?

Him: Yessss!

Me: Original, extra crispy...?

Him: No no no, I just want chicken.

Me: *hits original just to save time*  What else can I get for you tonight?

Him: I want that one too.  *points above my head*

Me: You want the football box?  Which one?  We have 5 different kinds.

Him: No no no, I just want that one.

Me: Yes, but which one are you pointing to?

Him: At the top!!

Me: Okay, do you want that in original, extra crispy or grilled?

Him: No no no, I just want chicken!  Like in picture!!

Me: *looking up I notice the picture is grilled, so I put that in my computer.  as I review his order...*  So I have a 4-piece original with mashed potatoes and coleslaw and a football box with mashed potatoes and coleslaw?

Him: I never order a 4-piece!  I just want that!  THAT!  *points violently*

Me: The PICTURE?  You want what's in the PICTURE?  *he nods*  The family meal or the individual meal?

Him: ONE AT BOTTOM.  I want exactly like picture! 

Me: Okay, so that's a TWO PIECE ORIGINAL with mashed potatoes and coleslaw-

Him: But I want the SALAD in the PICTURE!

Me: That's coleslaw sir.

Him: Fine, give that.

Me: TWO PIECE ORIGINAL with mashed potatoes and COLESLAW and a football box with TWO PIECES GRILLED chicken with potato wedges and COLESLAW.  Anything else for you tonight?

Him: I got the one in picture?  I only want one in picture!  *points again*  What is the two piece?

Me: *resisting the urge to walk into the fryer and put my head in it*  Yes sir, you got the one in the picture.  The one in the picture is the TWO PIECE.  Anything else for you tonight?

Him: No that all.  *pauses*  I got one in picture?

I've only been working this job for about 3 weeks and this was the first truly frustrating customer I've had to date. We spoke to him in a couple of languages and he seemed to understand none of them! 

I'm sure I will have more tales from the fryer in time!

Greasily yours,
Chicken Flinger

Comments

[Eric]

Have you ever seen the film "Brazil"? The protagonist's party visits a restaurant where the pictures are very elaborate on the menu and on the rack over the plate, but upon the plate, the meal seems to consist of colorful blobs of an unknown substance.

I get the feeling that everyone who has seen that film gets paranoid about wanting to get something that looks like what they ordered.

[N/A]

There was one time we were at Denny's and a customer was asking about the nachos. She asked if they'd look like they did on the menu. The waitress replied "well, it'll have all the same stuff on it." The customer asked again if it would like the one in the menu with the stuff all placed neatly on each chip. I'm sitting at the next table trying not to laugh and wondering how the waitress is going to respond. She kinda snorted and said "no honey, the chef is just gonna dump all the toppings in the middle of the plate of chips." Least she's honest.

I saw a website once that had pictures from the menu and compared them to pictures taken of the actual product. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? It was pretty cool, most of the products really didn't look remotely like the pictures on the menu.

[Burger Bitch]

You should have handed him the picture and went "There =D Have a FANTASTIC night."

I hate it when people do that, we can't read your mind, fuckface.

[Chicken Flinger]

Burger Bitch- I so wish I could have! Except we don't have printed menus, just the board behind our heads. And no, the meals don't look as neat coming out as they do on the menu. The pictures have the meals looking very home-style on fancy blue plates. Yeah, really, you get black plastic platters with a clear lid. And the sides come out in the shape of the scoop we use to serve them.

We had some European guys from Poland come in last night and insist on taking pictures of the menu. It was, well, weird.

[Logan]

When I worked fast food I had a customer tell me they wanted their burger to look exactly like the one in the picture. I explained that would be fine, however the person who photgraphed the picture likely took several hours making it look just right and likely used some lard type substance in place of the mayo, so that it would sit properly and not turn yellow before the picture was taken, so if they had several hours to wait and didn't care how it tasted, only that it looked like that, it was fine with us.

[Michael]

Oh man, this reminds me of the burger shop scene in the movie Falling Down. That whole tirade Michael Douglas' character has about how the sandwich displayed bears no resemblance to the sad, soggy thing actually served.

For the record, those Denny's nachos are a personal favorite of mine. Too bad I gotta leave town to find a location.

[Magical Shrimp]

I'm reminded of the "Uh-Oh! Hotdog!" guy from MadTV. Turns out he speaks Idiot. Can you get that Rosetta Stone software in Idiot? I need it for work.

[Jit]

...how old was this person...????

[Pharmacy_psycho]

I can't remember what movie I saw, but in it, a professional photographer is taking pictures of food. She is using marbles for cherries, mashed potatoes for ice cream, and soap for beer head. GROSS!

I have worked front counter at a burger joint, and thankfully, I never met anyone that stupid/dense. We used to get the occasional drunk through the drive-thru (a personal pet peeve of mine ~ drinkin'n'drivin'), but that was before cell phones, and I didn't have access to the phone in the manager's office.

[atombomb1945]

Thankfully, you have made it three weeks before you got your first annoying customer.

Remember you Employee Manual where it states that "every employee is to know exactly what the customer wants regardless of what language the customer speaks or how the customer communicates their order."