25 Things For Holiday Music Shoppers To Remember

Something to rock your funny bone, slaves! Check out this hilarious list of things for holiday shoppers to remember when shopping for music. Sent in from a Bookstore Slave:

1. "Credit Only" means we don't take cash, food stamps, or rocks.. Nor do we issue credit, it means "Credit Only", as in cards.. don't be stupid.

2. No we don't have 4 copies of a Christmas Carol on DVD.... it's 3 days before Christmas, how long were you planning on waiting to watch it?.. 

3. Justin Bieber is not "Justin Beaver", if you don't know his last name, you shouldn't be buying his CD. 

4. There is one line, as in ONE line, not 3, or 4 or 6... it's a not a free for all kids, we just don't pick people at random as if it's a dating game.. get on line, don't make us choose the hot chicks or old people first...not that I would pick the hot chick… unless she was really really hot.. and then in that case, I would do it, just to get her out of the store…I’ll stop now…

5. Yes, we will give you a bag that's not see-through for your porn magazine purchase, you don't have to lie and say it's a gift for someone you are shopping with... be proud of being a pervert.. wear your pervert on your sleeve…

6. It's Lady GAGA, not "That Gaga Lady"...see rule # 3....

7. Please try to refrain from asking us/me what I thought of Santa's Buddies or G-Force, do you really think I've seen it, or would share my honest opinion with you? (G-Force was awesome by the way)

8. Don't come in and expect me to know which Composer did this Symphony in G-Minor while under water and humming Wagner.. and then treat me like a second hand peasant for not knowing... You try and remember half the shit we do, and then get back to me, you arrogant jerk... don’t be that classical customer..

9. Everyone appreciates it when you compliment them for doing a good job, try it, you'll feel better about yourself…1 in 25 customers ask ME, “how are you doing today”.. take note though, don’t ask me in the next 5 days.. you won’t wanna know..

10. Don't ask me if I know that song, you know, on the radio, the one with Love in the title, it goes like "la la la love"... YOU KNOW IT? no, I don't... smack…

11. If you have to ask us if Blu-Ray works in your DVD, then my first reaction would be.....no... since you asked..

12. In regards to # 11, I don't know what kind of TV you have, or if you can hook up a Blu-Ray player to it, I haven't been to your house last I checked... and no, I can’t fix your DVD player as well… wanna come to my house and do my laundry?

13. We close at 11:00pm ...not 11:10, not 11:15, not 11:16... please don't ask if you can look around for a few more minutes for a gift for your sick Auntie.. we want to go home to at some point... just like you..

14. Yes, it's cheaper at Amazon, Target, Best Buy, Stop and Shop, Kohls, and maybe 10 more stores.. but you are here now, at my register, and ready to pay, why are you telling me this now? We know, we heard, we got it...enough already...

15. Customers at Cafe should know what they want, BEFORE they get to the register.. why are you deciding when you are in front of me, on the phone, and wasting my break with your indecision's...move along, and let's GO already.

16. If you have to do an online reservation for Susan Boyle, you shouldn't be allowed to listen to music... we have enough in stock to make enough cup coasters for every man woman and child on the east coast.. and while I’m on the subject of online reservations, it’s almost 2 days before Christmas, WHY DO YOU WAIT UNTIL NOW TO DO THIS?... (the caps symbolize me shouting for those not in the know) 

17. Yes, Susan Boyle has the voice of an angel.. exactly which angel has yet to be determined.. and please stop referring to her as some godlike creature.... she'll be a cutout in about 6 months.. (but thanks for the sales Susan, I LOVE YOU)

18. Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift are not the same person.. write it down.

19. If you have to ask, "what's a good Jazz CD", you shouldn't be listening to jazz. Stick to Kenny G, and tell your friends how awesome he is.

20, No, we don't have the Avatar DVD...it’s still playing across the street,

21. No, you can't combine 6 coupons together...nor 5… nor 4…

22. The bathroom is down the hall, to the right…the bathroom is down the hall, to the right… the bathroom is down the hall, to the right… the bathroom is down the hall………………….

23. Six 15 year kids don’t intimidate us, we may be older, but will still kick your ass out of the department. Go hang out at 7 Eleven, down by the river….

24. We promise not to come to your house/apartment and throw shit everywhere without a care in the world, please respect our house too… it’s common courtesy… 

And finally Number 25..

Everyone should work retail at least once in their lives..

It will give you all the understanding of what it’s like to be out there, doing the things we all do for you, and the hard work it takes just to make your lives easier.

Pay attention, don’t ask stupid questions, and don’t be that guy/girl.

Or you’ll end up on my list next year.

Happy Holidays..

Really, I mean it..

Ya jerkface.

Comments

[Burger Bitch]

I love number five, it's so true.
I went into my local porn store.
The Guy in front of me: Yeah. These are for my buddies.
Employee: Mhm.

Then when I went up.
Employee: I suppose these are for your friends too? xDD
Me: Actually, those two things are. That one's mine =D

Hoorah for those who wear the Pervert Flag.

[Spritzy]

BB: Yeah... they're for his buddies... Dickson and Lefty.

[Jenn]

You soooo work at B&N, don't you? I work in the music department very often, and I deal with this EXACT crap every shift. And yes, we do have way to many Susan Boyle CDs.

"Can I put one on hold?"
"No, we have 40 on hand. You don't need to."
"Are you suuuure?"
"No, I am FUCKING LYING!!!!"

Seriously.

[Taco Slave]

"Everyone should work retail at least once in their lives..

It will give you all the understanding of what it’s like to be out there, doing the things we all do for you, and the hard work it takes just to make your lives easier."

I yelled at my boyfriend just a few nights ago about this very thing. I just don't understand how some people can truly believe its 'your job' to take the abuse that comes with working in retail. "You can't talk to me like that, I'm a Customer." It's the same mentality that humanity has had since Babylon - "I can do what I want to you, you're a slave."

One thing my boyfriend asked me was 'well what can you do about it?' I admit I have no high hopes of changing the mentality of the world's population, so I come to sites like this and express myself and relate with other people on the same level (gasp! heaven forbid, ey) and I do what I can to give the best possible service while maintaining my own dignity.
There are just some people out there who don't WANT good service. I've seen people actually get angry because they were expecting a moron to be handling their order. Do people use service industry workers as a tool for boosted self-esteem? Hang out with the fat chick so you look thinner? Berate the girl at the drive thru window because you're driving a broken down, smoking tailpipe, bondo covered el camino?
Those of us at the forefront of customer service are living 6 to 16 hours a day in a place where we are allowed no self-expression and very few social niceties. Getting together after the grind for a beer and a bitchfest, or coming home, peeling off your uniform, slipping into some slippers and going online to rant on some blog - these are all things we do, and NEED to do to keep on going to the next day. The next time my boyfriend acts uppity about my job I'm handing him an application.

[Kit]

I agree so much with #25. One of my older co-workers thought that it would be perfect if every person, from the lowliest low to the uppity people that go to the Hamptons and work on Wall Street, should do 3 months hard retail time so they learn to stop being stupid assholes. They should also be given the task of cleaning up after Piggies.

[Joe]

My faith in humanity was restored by a customer who HELPED me FOLD sweaters.
"Sweetie, I worked at Macy's for ten years. I know what it's like."

[N/A]

I just wish there was some way to break the cycle. Rude custy leads to cranky slave leads to rude custy and the circle of retail continues. I always try to be nice to any retail slave serving me but all too often they don't respond or they're totally negative. I get why, they've probably just dealt with 2 dozen rude custys in a row, but it gets a girl down and every time you deal with someone like that it makes you less inclined to be nice to the next person you deal with.

[Logan]

Everyone should have to work retail at least once in their life. At the very least you are not allowed to complain about the service in any way unless you have worked retail yourself.

However when I worked at Mcdonalds, we had a woman that came through drive thru everyday. If the food wasn't being handed to her as she pulled up to the window she would complain about how slow we were. Apparently she hit hard times or needed some extra money because she ended up coming to work there. She was the slowest person I had ever seen. She couldn't keep up with all the people she had bitched about being slow before and never was able to get any faster no matter how much she was instructed and retrained. She didn't last long. Decided it was too hard for her and she quit. However she was right back to coming in everyday and complaining about how slow we were.

[Kit]

What is up with that woman (McDonald's failed employee)? Well, I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks, eh?

[Malmart Peon]

What pisses me off is retail employees who are spoiled and entitled. I worked with people at DSW (Dog Shit Warehouse) who would purposefully go to other stores and mess stuff up, because "if we have to stay late so should they."

Not only is this thinking counterproductive, it's illogical! And wrong! Of course, they were spoiled wealthy brats who were only working so they could have money to buy smokes and booze illegally and go clubbing.

[atombomb1945]

While I agree with #25 and think it should be made into Law, sadly it will not. I feel the same way about everyone should do at least two years in the Military either before or after college. You may balk at it, but we are one of the few countries in the world that do not require this.

Unfortunately, neither will happen as the arguments for both of them are almost exactly the same.

[A_Florida_Girl]

Regarding #18:

Can you blame them for thinking so?

[Karin]

As for #3, #6 and #19
Are those questions ok if you are buying someone a CD as a gift??
Especially if you are, for #3 and #6, over the age of 20 and for #19 under the age of 20??