Meet Anastasia, The Crazy Nail Lady

Here's a retailicious Crazy Lady Story from Amanda Kennedy:

Having been in retail for the greater part of the past ten years, there is something I've come to realize. Every store has one specific customer-that one - who is known to every sales person, manager, district manager, and corporate office in the company. And I can guarantee it's not because that one customer is sweet or likes to compliment the staff. 

In my old store, her name was Anastasia.

I worked at a Macy's for 6 years, starting as a part timer in clothing and finishing as a counter manager in cosmetics. Truthfully, the customers weren't usually the bad part of the job.  When I started, the company had a "thankful you just showed up" attitude. Somewhere along the line it became a "life comes after work" sort of job. 

But this story isn't about the tyrannical thumb of Mr. Macy, it's about Anastasia.

Her real name wasn't Anastasia. I don't remember what it was, but Anastasia was a moniker she had taken some years ago. She was a thin woman with a high forehead and a bad wig.  She wore baggy clothes, gaudy jewelry, and false eyelashes that looked as though they might fall off at any second. She walked around like she could afford to look that bad, because she was so important that it didn't matter what she wore.  

But one didn't notice the clothes, the hair, or the attitude first. 

What one noticed were the two inch fingernails growing like tree branches from her fingers.  Most women with nails that long have some sort of flashy, acrylic design, but not Anastasia. Hers were brown, ratty and 100% her own. 

Working at one of the prestige counters in the store, I saw her often. She had the same attitude that a lot of cosmetic customers have, in that they demand something free for every purchase. Anastasia was a bit different in that she demanded something free simply because she existed. 

Few counters at my store were safe from her. Anytime a gift, sample, or deluxe travel size was advertised, she'd demand that it be given to her, without purchase, because she was a valued Macy's customer.

The smart girls were the ones who fought with her, because she'd never return. I gave in once and called a manager for her, and she took an immediate liking to me and I had to suffer listening to her bitch about how rude the other girls in the department were. 

She'd sit in one of my make-up chairs, cocking her head to the side and pointing her finger upward. "Don't they know who I am", she'd say, "Don't they know that I know the store manager and can have them fired in a heartbeat?"  

For some reason, she never minded when I was up front and honest with her about why I couldn't just give her things, and every once in a while she'd buy something. (Of course, she returned it later, but that's another story)

One year she brought Christmas presents for all of her favorite Macy's employees. 

She brought me a bottle of cheap wine, a wine glass, and a box in which to put said wine. I don't drink wine, and I think that bottle's still in my cupboard somewhere. Nonetheless, I thought it was a nice gesture. 

That is, until she loudly told me (so everyone in the department could hear) that the reason I got a gift and other people didn't is because they were all rude to her.

Apparently, she was trying to win the affections of the people with free samples by doling out cheap gifts. I later took the wine box home and realized that it had a tag from Marshalls. 

My head started swimming as I realized that she had probably tormented people in one store to buy gifts to try to torment people in another store. 

How often was this happening? 

Was she buying gifts at Target to give to people at Marshalls, and so on? 

I left Macy's a few months after that, and I think that the worst thing she ever did happened after I quit. 

My best friend (who also happened to be one of her favorite employees) worked at the jewelry counter. Since I wasn't there, I can't tell you what happened verbatim, but I can give you a pretty good rundown.

My friend was working at her counter when Anastasia came up to her and said that she'd broken a nail and wanted to know if my friend had seen it. 

My friend politely told her that she hadn't. 

Anastasia then told her to call her if she saw it, but not to worry too much because she had a box of fingernails at home and she'd just glue an old one on. 

That's right. 

This crazy lady kept her broken fingernails in a box just in case one broke. 

I don't think I've ever wanted to vomit more.

 

Amanda Kennedy

Comments

[Jit]

I think I just puked up my lunch from TWO WEEKS AGO. That's the GROSSEST thing I've EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!!!!! EWWWWWW!!

Anastasia sounds like a mix of Lorraine and Monique and oh so many others....

(If you have no idea who I'm talking about, go buy Retail Hell . . . NOW.)

[Riferous]

I just barely kept my breakfast down after that one. Wow.

[Joe]

Some custys I suspect are on the Men In Black watchlist.
Anastasia sounds like Number One.

[Charissa]

Oh godohgodohgod. Eeeew! I'm still nauseous over the bag of vomited on clothes I had to defect out last night(someone had chunky tomatoes and cheese, apparently) and the box of fingernails had me gagging. Blech.

[Magical Shrimp]

Ugh, I immediately pictured the Guiness Book of World Record's photo of the world's longest fingernails. Brown, lumpy, scab-like, horrible THINGS all hanging there. Her nail box probably looks like the box from Hellraiser.

At our store we have Lucy, the insane old Irish lady with bald spots. She's been banned from countless stores...not ours, though. Of course.

[Pharmacy_psycho]

When I worked in the pet store, we had a lady that came in that obviously wore a wig. She was elderly and bought food for her cats (I suspected 30 or so - think "crazy cat lady"). I happened to be loading something into another customer's car when she pulled up, and her entire car was FILLED with junk except for the driver's seat (including other wigs). Now my car isn't the cleanest. I have the bad habit of accumulating soda and water bottles before I get them returned for their deposit, and my trash doesn't always make it in the trash bag. Plus, I always have my service dog with me, so there is assorted dog-related stuff that stays in my car. But it never takes more than 10 minutes to separate out the recyclables and trash and have my car looking decent again. This lady's car though was going to need a bulldozer and blow-torch to clean it up! Makes me scared to think of what her house looked like!

My grandparents were very frugal, and I can still remember my grandmother darning 25 cent knee-hi's rather than buying new ones. However, I don't see her saving anything so personal as her fingernails to patch a broken one! Our family motto: Nine long nails to the prince's ball. (or "that's our kind of luck")

[mudflapgirl]

I wonder what other cast off body parts she saves?

[Bebe]

Eeew...We have one of those ladies. Everybody knows her name. She loves to come in 5 minutes before closing and stay until we push her out the door. She reeks of cigarettes and alcohol, has the deepest voice I've ever heard on a woman, and has leathery tanned skin. One day she was eating a Butterfinger while crying to one of the employees how fat she was getting. Another time while she was being pushed out the door she yells, "I don't know why they don't want to sell me anything, only 5 more fucking minutes!"