New Christmas Rules

From Riferous:

Some new rules that ought to put in place immediately:

1. Don't be a Visa customer.  You know the type.  No matter where you go or how desperately you need to go there, they are everywhere you want to be.

2. If we don't have it, then we don't have it, and don't waste your time or mine by demanding to know why.  Whether we didn't order it, the warehouse was out, or Osama bin Laden personally hijacked the deliver truck, we don't have it, and you're not fucking getting it.

3. Yes, we close early on Christmas Eve.  Yes, we are closed all day on Christmas.  We understand that you only had 365 days to plan for it since this is not a leap year, but we are closing, so deal with it.

4. DO NOT ask us if we are ready for Christmas.  If we are still able to hold our tongues, we will tell you that we are ready for Christmas to be DONE.

5. (For muzak programmers) Just because 42 artists recorded the same song does not mean that it is a different song.  I heard "Jingle Bells" 30 minutes ago.  I don't want to hear it sung by somebody else now, an hour from now, or for the rest of the day for that matter.

5a. "This Christmas" is a horrible song.  It sucks.  It has also been recorded by 42 different artists.  Quit fucking playing it.

Have a Merry AFTER Christmas, fellow Retail Slaves!

Riferous

Comments

[Twink]

6. If you're asked if you want a gift receipt, and say no, only to turn around at the end of the transaction and change your mind, don't give us a death stare because you now have to go to Customer Service. You're the one that's indecisive here, not us.

7. The Zu Zu Hamster is the hottest thing this year, just like Beanie Babies and Tickle Me Elmo before them. If the sign says "Limit One Per Customer", it doesn't mean "Limit One Per Customer Unless We're Not Looking". We're not being greedy, or trying to keep your fucking brats from getting everything they want. We're trying to allow you to get one without having to resort to paying the bloodsuckers on Ebay about 50 times what they sell at retail for (which is $8.99...Ebay, they're upwards of $400)

8. If the sign says we're closing at 8pm, then that means by 8pm your stupid ass better have bought everything you need and be outside in the fucking parking lot. It does not mean that we close our doors at 8pm, but if you were inside the store before that, we have to allow you to finish your shopping (side note: My store will have the PD going through the store at 10 minutes prior to closing telling people to head for a register, or get a citation for failure to comply).

9. Don't pitch a bitch if we stop you and ask for a receipt on your way out the door. This is the nastiest part of the year for theft, and none of us want to get hauled into the managers office because we let a shoplifter get away.

10. You may come across a cashier who likes to tease your child about Santa Claus watching them during this week in particular. Stop accusing us of terrorizing your child, and start thanking us for coming up with a way to shut their whiny little mouths without having to actually hit them, like we'd secretly like to.

wow....that felt really good...hope it was okay to tack these on like this.

[Riferous]

Amen! That's all right by me.

[Riferous]

I just looked on iTunes, and "This Christmas" is available from no less than 61 different artists. How are we supposed to put up with that shit?

[Twink]

I guess I should count my blessings. We play 9 songs at the Wal Mart I work for (and This Christmas is one of them), but all the cashiers and floor associates got together and signed a petition, saying that we're the one's who have to hear this crap for 6+ hours a day, and if they were only going to play those same 9 songs again this year, we'd rather not hear anything.

So there's been no Christmas music playing anywhere in our store but Garden Center, where the rest of our Christmas Crap is.

[Kit]

I'm so sick of Christmas music. But I think out of all that have played my favorite is the Trans Siberian Orchestras Xmas CD. Not because the music is awesome, but last year, some idiot walks up to me to complain that we shouldn't be playing "this rap music" during the holiday season. Accompanying the slave-smile plastered to my face was the "Oh fuck you're an idiot" stare, and I told her that "our corporate office decides what music we play, ma'am."

[Little Bummer Boy]

I have no patience for the nimrods who ask if we are open on Christmas day(thankfully we are not), then have the nerve to ask "why not?". I give them the worst cold death stare and say that perhaps our workers deserve some time to enjoy the holiday with their FAMILY. So far, this has shut their dumb asses up.

ps- Twink- LOVED shopping at the hwy 27 walmart with no music, what a great experience, much calmer shopping environment!

[Magical Shrimp]

ARGH YES THANK YOU for singling out "This Christmas!!" Every other song I hear at work is a cover of that piece of crap! (The other song is "Last Christmas." God what a stupid-ass song.)

[Pharmacy_psycho]

There must be a God or I am lucky enough to finally be going deaf or I'm finally getting good at tuning things out (like my kids!). I have never heard the song "This Christmas". Something tells me I finally have something to be thankful for! ; - )

[Joe]

"...I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away."
AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Where I work, the music (?) is delicately blended with the blood-curdling screams of the kids being hauled onto Santa's lap.

[Joe]

Cigar Guy's Log/Supplemental: Wouldn't I love to sneak "Christmas At K-Mart" by Root Boy Slim and the Sex Change Band onto the Muzak system!

[Jit]

*TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH* Joe... *TWITCH* Thanks for *TWITCH* Ow.

[CheerfulChirps]

Joe

Hahaha. I hear that song all the time. I actually really like the version they play at the store IO work at, but I can't find out who sings it. It's been wracking my brain because it's song by 50 different artists.

[Taco Slave]

youtube Midnight Riders - All I Want for Christmas (Is to Kick Your Ass)
that would be lulzy to sneak into the muzak systems

[Mel]

Mel

I have to say, I think "Blue Christmas" sung by Goofy... yes, Goofy, was the worst Christmas song ever. Try listening to that 5 times an hour for an entire shift.