Dumbass Library Custys

From Book Bastard:

So I work in two libraries: a college library and a county library.

Apart from a lady who, upon learning that she had a $1.90 late fine, wove a massive conspiracy in which we had deliberately not checked in her item until the fine was $1.90, I am fortunate in that I have not really had to deal with any angry, upset, or otherwise bitchy customers. 

I have, however, had more than my fair share of impossibly stupid questions.  Here are my favorites, submitted, in no particular order, for your approval.

1. At the college library, our printers are behind the circulation desk. When a print job comes out, I grab it and put it in a convenient, very conspicuous little rack for patrons to come get it.  Next to said conspicuous rack is an equally conspicuous red can, which says, in large, friendly letters, PRINTING, and then says how much it is.  Asked as I was standing next to the printer, grabbing a job, and putting it in the rack:

"Where's the printing come out?"

2. At the county library, about the domain logins for our public computers:

"Do you have to put in the whole password?"

3. "I got a question.  If I need to burn a DVD, do I have to actually have the DVD?"

4. At the college library, we have copies of Microsoft Office for students to check out.  Asked by somebody AS HE WAS HANDING ME ONE: "Do y'all have Office to check out?"

5. At the county library, our public computers were down for maintenance. A man came in through the first double doors, both of which had signs, at eye-level, saying, "PUBLIC COMPUTERS ARE NOT AVAILABLE". Then he crossed the anteroom and went through another set of double doors, both of which had signs, at eye-level, saying, "PUBLIC COMPUTERS ARE NOT AVAILABLE". Then he walked by the circulation desk, which had an eye-level sign saying, "PUBLIC COMPUTERS ARE NOT AVAILABLE". Then he walked over to the public computers, all of which have signs on the monitor saying, "PUBLIC COMPUTERS ARE NOT AVAILABLE". Then he came back to the circulation desk, stood next to an eye-level sign saying, "PUBLIC COMPUTERS ARE NOT AVAILABLE", and said: "I need the code to get on the computer."

6. Paraphrased:

Patron - "I have this letter and this slip of paper. The letter says to do what the slip of paper says.  What do I do?

Me - "Well, the letter says to do what the slip of paper says, so do what the slip of paper says."

Patron - "Oh, I didn't try that.  Thanks."

Me - *headdesk*

Next, protips for library patrons--and customers in general, really.

1) I am not laughing at your joke. I am laughing at you because, by the time you make the joke, I have already heard it ten times that day, and I am amused that you think you are witty and sharp.  My very favorite example of this comes from the county library, when I am sitting at the check-in station. As I am checking in a pile of items, somebody will walk up, put down their items, and say, "Gotta give you something to do :D"; then a few minutes later, somebody else will walk up, put down their items, and say, "Can't let you run out of things to do :D"; then a bit later, somebody else will walk up, put down their items, and say, "You look like you could use something to do :D"; then, after some time has passed, somebody else will walk up, put down their items, and say, "Gotta keep you busy :D"; then, some time later...

2) At the college library, you are limited to five movies, and you get them for four days. It really is okay to get fewer movies than the limit. I promise. In fact, I suggest it. That way you won't have to keep coming back to renew things because you didn't have time to watch them.

3) Concerning print jobs: do not ask me if your job printed; I have no idea who you are, what you tried to print, or when you tried to print it. Furthermore, it is not my fault if you screwed up when you told the computer to print and ended up printing your fifty-slide PowerPoint presentation one slide to a page; there is no reason for you to get angry at me.

4) That which is not true will not become true if you say it over and over again.

New Teacher: My name is blah, I had an ID made Friday, and they said it could be picked up today.

Me: Alrighty.. *shuffles through IDs and doesn't find it* Hmm.. Friday?

New Teacher: Yeah. They said I could pick it up today.

Me: Hmm. Looks like it won't be ready until toward the middle of the week.

New Teacher: They said I could pick it up today.

Me: They really shouldn't have told you that.. the way our printer is set up, we have to print them four at a time, and we don't have four yet.

New Teacher: They said I could pick it up today.

Me: I'm sorry; they shouldn't have told you that..

5) It is dangerous to assume I share your prejudices, more dangerous to share them with me, and even more dangerous to be nasty about it. I may be less willing to give you a break.

6) Finally, I am not bored or unfriendly. I'm just apathetic. Professional detachment.

--Book Bastard

Comments

[sarah]

the uni library I used to work for, we had a security desk right by the door, security gate, and then the circulation desk. despite the HUGE letters that say "security" ppl would get confused and try to leave their books there when they came in.
or the students that would call and try to get me to find the books/monologues/whatever for them.... or the people that barely speak English trying to make requests over the phone when it would take half the time if they just remotely logged in thru the computer.

[the other Kat]

And I thought things were bad at MY library *hugs*

[James]

Reminds me of a web comic. www.unshelved.com

[Timekeeper's Twit]

I HATE it when people make the same stupid jokes! As I clean the glass counters: "you missed a spot." "How can I tell when 15 minutes is up? you took my watch!" or the ever popular ever frustrating "Excuse me, what time is it?" This one is ESPECIALLY frustrating because there are actually people who legitimately want to know the time, so when I try to politely I get laughed at "oh I was just kidding" Sometimes I just wanna be a smartass and say back "time for you to buy a watch from me!" but then again, what about those people who really are asking.

[Burger Bitch]

Shit, that teacher is retarded and will spread her stupid.
WE MUST STOP THEM!

[BORDERline Personality]

LOVE IT! I work at a bookstore and we have the problem with idiots missing obvious signs. The entracne and exits to the checkout line are both clearly marked but I still have twits walk in backwards, even when there are other people in line at the time, and then get mad when I take the next person in line, complaining that they were next. "No, jackass, you walked in ass-backwards because youre too stupid to look at the huge bloody sign that says 'ENTER HERE' at the other end." Plus the repetative jokes kill me: (item wont scan) "Oh, it must be free! Hardeeharhar!"

[Timekeeper's Twit]

oh damn BORDERline! I knew I forgot one! That's prob the second worst, or if the sticker falls off. "There'sd no price it must be free" is another varyiant.

[Book Bastard]

The $1.90 lady I mentioned, when her fee was finally waived, checked out a movie. When she came back to return it, she handed it to me, and then stood there with the smarmiest, holier-than-thou look she could muster. I told her, in the friendliest way I could, as though nothing had happened, that she didn't have to wait for me, and she said:

"I'm going to. When I don't, things don't get logged in."

Apparently the conspiracy continues.

[Becci]

People FUCKING LOVE saying, "Hey I guess you were just waiting for me!" Hur hur hur. Try saying that when you're a cashier in a consistently busy store and after 3 straight hours without a 5 second break between customers, you can finally take a deep breath, open your water bottle, and...

"Hey, you look bored! Guess you were waiting for me!"

THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.