Return Hell: Joe's Crazy Bitch Encounter

Hello all!

I'm glad to see we all survived Christmas more or less unscathed. That being said, some recent posts here on RHU reminded me of something my son, the cop, once said:

"Dad, it's the best way to meet the public: heavily armed and wearing body armor."

This year, as opposed to last, I was READY for the last-minute crazies, the NAT's, the shrieks of mortal agony coming from Santa's Village and the earwig that is "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away...". AAAARRRGGHH!

Sorry. I kinda lost my mind there. I'm better now. Anyway, as we all know, for every action, there is an equal and opposite RE-action. After the purchasing of tons of merchandise, comes the RETURNING of said merchandise.

Most of these transactions took less than 30 seconds:

- Custy presents receipt.

- Custy pulls item out of bag.

- I scan receipt and item.

- I say, "This will put $xx.xx back on your credit card."

- I staple original and return receipts together and present them to custy.

- "Thank you for shopping at Gord & Raylor. Have a great day!"

-FINIS-

Buuuut...then SHE walked in!

After you've been dealing with the public for a while, you know how you just KNOW someone's gonna be trouble? Well I got that feeling BIGTIME when I spotted HER. All I can say is that it must be akin to Spidey Sense.

Her hair was jet black and held in place in a classic Liz Taylor-as-Cleopatra 'do. In fact, Cleo must have been her inspiration, because she had WAAAAAY too much eye makeup on. I thought, "Honey, the casting for Night Of The Living Dead is OVER!"

The next things I noticed were her leopard-print coat and patent-leather boots marching (click-click-click) right on over to my register.

"I'm returning dees." (a $400 suit and several sweaters featuring a man-on-horseback logo)

"Yes ma'am. May I see your receipt?"

"Vhut?"

"Your receipt. May I see it please?"

"I DON'T HAVE RECEIPT! YOU PUT PRICE BACK ON CARD NOW!"

(Are you kidding me? You go to DefCon 4 when I ask for your RECEIPT?)

"Alright ma'am, may I have the card?"

"I don't HAVE card! You look up card number NOW!"

"Ma'am, for YOUR safety, sales associates can't access customers' credit card numbers."

At this point, she does the eye-roll and the forced exhale. "I'm not gung to waste my TIME with you! Call the Store Manager NOW! (Right to the Triple Dog Dare! I'm impressed!) I called the Manager and explained the situation: no receipt, no price tags, no credit card, and the piece-de-resistance, no I.D.! The manager quite rightly says, "NO return!"

Well, girlfriend goes absolutely APE-shit! She pounds on the glass display case. (I fully expected it to shatter.) She looks around for an audience, and spotting a few folks nearby, launches into a performance worthy of the Barrymores. 

"You SEE how dey treat people here? Do you SEE? They are liars and THIEVES here! They CHEAT you and STEAL YOUR MONEY! They are RUDE and STUPID here! They are...NO GOOD!" (That last bit was said with such vehemence that she nearly pitched over!) "YOU. GET. STORE. MANAGER. HERE...NOW!!!"

"No."

"WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

"I said no. My manager has already told me not to accept the return. Now please step aside. Who's next?"

And the next person in line quickly put their merchandise on the counter. It was fun to watch Cleo stand there and sputter: "Vhut? Vhut? Vhut? Vhut? Vhut?"

If it had ended there, I would have been a very happy man. But she wasn't done by a long shot. She continued to harangue passersby for about ten minutes. Then she shot me The Look Of Death and stormed (click-click-click) downstairs to the executive offices. Ten minutes later, she was back with the Store Manager. Luckily, I was at the register at the ass-end of the department. But I could still hear "...RUDE!...STEAL!...FIRE!...

"I. SHOP. HERE. NO. MORE!"

Oh, if only I could have stayed back by the mens shoes and socks until the whole thing worked it way out, but no. The Manager sought me out and explained that She-Beast had the pickup slip from the pre-sale for all the items in question. (Before we have the Super-Duper Really Big Sale, we offer damn near everything at the sale price. You can pre-purchase stuff, but you can't actually take it with you until the day the sale starts.) Using her managerial override, she was able to backtrack the store records and discover price and SKU numbers for everything.

So...Cleo got her money. And what good is Victory if you can't shove somebody's face in it?

(click-click-click-click-click)

"I GOT MY MONEY! I GOT MY MONEY! YOU ARE NOTHING! NOTHING!! YOU ARE JUST A...A...PERSON! YOU...YOU...(hissing)WORK FOR A LIVING!!!"

Guilty as charged, honey. Guilty as charged.

...and the dance goes on.

Peace.

--Joe the Cigar Guy

 

Comments

[Burger Bitch]

I pictured that woman looking like a Russian transvestite xD.

Did she really think that screaming at other customers in the store would work to her benefit? They most likely all thought she was on a day pass from Arkham or some shit.

[Raincheck]

Aargh, poor you. And presumably there's some idiot guy funding CB's lifestyle. But why?

[Magical Shrimp]

...WOW.

Elsa, She-Wolf of the SS? Oh no wait, she was a blonde.

[Mouse Mastered]

I would not be surprised if it was my mother in law. But that would be assuming you work in south florida, and I'm not sure that you do.

[Malmart Peon]

"Why yes, I do work for a living, whereas you are a parasite on society."

[Hiedi]

Wow. Just for her behavior alone I would NOT, give her her money back. NO!! Even if *I* could use a manager override and backtrack and figure it all out I would have thrown her out.

Now if she came back, well behaved and with a receipt and valid ID then I'd bend over backwords.

[Touchet]

This manager just got robbed. Even if she put it on hold for a sale latter on, that doesn't mean she actually bought it during the sale. You can bet that your manager just hit you guys bottom line and took away a little of your pay in the process. Its things like this that cause shrink. Policies are very clear, you don't have a reciept or the card you bought it on to look up that reciept, you get store credit. Your manager is a wuss.

[Bingo Worker]

I'm with Burger Bitch. Definitely a Russian mail-order transvestite with a sugar daddy and entitlement issues.

[Kattybitch]

Well fuck you for being a person who works for a living.

[Pagemaster]

Something tells me she's 'worked' for a living alright.

[Humor_Me]

HO-LEE SHIT! You... you... PERSON you! How dare you not bend over and take it in the ass right there in front of everybody?

Still, it must have felt great standing there telling here "No." when you could, even though she ended up browbeating some other poor slave. Kudos for making her look like the entitled bitch that she was on the sales floor.

[Queer Geek]

Sounds like a Big Fancy custy. Uggggh add her to my list of NATS!

[DW]

Shame on your store manager. I would have kicked her dumb, rude ass outta my store.

[Shortandbored]

I feel sorry for whoever ordered her from some website. Nothing like mail order brides... nothin' like 'em

[NC Tony]

During her "performance" for the other customers I pictured you standing there, casually, watching her with an eyebrow raised. I was about to cheer for a happy ending until the spineless manager stepped in and helped her rob the store.

[Anonymous]

Oh no! You work for a living! All the best people fuck rich old men for a living.

[Popcorn Junkie]

I love when custies try the old, "I'm never shopping here again! I'm taking my business elsewhere!"

Oh please, don't threaten me with a good time!

[Skittles]

I don't know how you could resist punching her in her stupid hole until the hate stopped pouring out.

[Boutique Baroness]

Hahaha totally agree with Burger Bitch. I'm glad the bitch's entitled ass isn't gonna shop at your store anymore! Partyyy!

[Mouse Mastered]

I just had a funny thought, actually. I wish I owned a shop of some sort. I would install speakers, and a button at every till... so that when someone threatened not to shop there ever again that was being an outright bitch, the cashier could hit the button and the goodbye song from sound of music would start playing over the speakers.

[c]

Wow, why did the manager backtrack what he said. I would have called security or the cops on her.

[Fudge]

What a bitch! I hate it when managers don't back you up.

[Jmonkeh]

Well, on the upside you can have a laugh about how your manager just lost the store a big pile of cash, and will most likely do so again in the future. Now that this lady knows how to do it, we can probably be sure she'll be back to ask for the same manager again and again and again....8)

@Mouse Mastered - Hah, I love that idea. So long, farewell....xD

[Christine]

Another manager throwing the associate under the bus. And stores wonder why there is so little loyalty these days.

[MegSong]

"You are nothing, you're a person!You WORK for a living!"
"aww, thanks for noticing! Most people forget I"m a human too, y'all come back now y'hear?"

[Tina]

Omg, I laughed heartily @ Mouse Mastered. You're always full of excellent ideas!