Bullseye Hell: Dangerous Storm Turns Custys Into Dumbasses

Hello RHUers! I posted a picture the other day under the name "Slave to the Bullseye," but I think that for my first official entry I should pick out a nicer nickname. We'll go with SLAVETHISWAY after a certain pop icon's LGBTQ hit, but also because I work at Bullseye and just like Lady Gaga, I hate Bullseye.

Last night, the city got hit with a pretty frightening and damaging storm armed with hail and wind. A few Tornadoes touched down and destroyed a small bit of the area as well and you would think a weather emergency could be enough for humanity to take a break from living up to the reason this website was created, but nope! To no one's surprise, the custys marched through the red sliding Bullseye doors one by one, oblivious to the situation at hand, and ready to annoy the living shit out of every single employee they came in contact with.

Once the storm hit, our store suddenly became the Titanic. All of the sudden, water starts pouring in from several parts of the roof, we all start scrambling to find buckets to place underneath the drips, and I run soaking wet through the store screaming "JACK...JACK WHERE ARE YOU??!" (not really, but it would have been awesome!) Twenty minutes pass and we literally have over 30 buckets throughout the store, with 15 in my poor suffering Electronics department alone. I think that if the year was 1995 and Garbage was looking for locations to shoot their music video for "I'm Only Happy When It Rains," they would have chosen our store for some performance pieces, but I'm digressing.

Anyway, one aisle in my department got so infested with beautiful blue buckets that we
had to rope off a portion of it with caution tape. I had bets that it would take no longer than ten minutes for a custy to demand to speak to the manager about it. It took quite a bit longer than that, but one Logic-lost custy eventually decided that she would complain to a co-worker of mine, stating "IT'S NOT EVEN RAINING ANYMORE, WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE BUCKETS HERE AND WHY CAN'T I GET THROUGH?" She could have easily gone down one aisle and out the other and still could have been able to enter the aisle that was roped off and have access to 95% of the merchandise. My co-worker explained that the roof was leaking in several parts of the store and her response was a short "WELL IT CAN'T BE LEAKING NOW. THE STORM IS OVER."

On top of Logic-Lost Custy #1, two others followed through moments later. This time, they were armed with shopping carts. They would walk right up to the caution tape and stare out into the distance of the store with a shock in awe face as if they were standing at the end of a beach and trying to see another continent. These Ridiculously-Stupid people had lost so much of their brain cells that they had no idea how to go around the caution tape! They were waiting for Moses to part the seas because for all they knew this storm could be the Rapture, but even if Moses did show up, I think he'd knock them upside the head with his cane and tell them to go around through the next couple of aisles.

Oh, but it's not over! I think our golf ball sized hail must have hit a shitload of people in the skull because everybody seemed to have lost their god damn minds. Earlier in the night, just as we were scrambling throughout the store to find buckets, two customers would follow me around the store asking questions about a GPS they were looking at. They would ask me what it looked like, what it does, what features were on it, if the prices would go down, how many we had, and the obnoxious questions about every single aspect of this item continued on for about five minutes. They were completely lost on the fact that I was running around trying to keep Bullseye from sinking into the Atlantic Ocean (or something) and they ended their conversation with "Oh, we aren't going to buy anything today. We're just looking and wasting time until the storm starts. Why are all of these buckets everywhere? When did that happen? Is there a leak?" Seven buckets had been placed by me, while I was talking to them, before they acknowledged them.

TWO MORE! IT'S NOT OVER! My mind suddenly pressed play on Lady Gaga's "Dance In The Dark" and played the line where she goes "MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOOP" on repeat. Two people came in at 10:00PM. We close at 10:00PM. One person wanted to return something and threw a holy fit because our Guest Services department was closed and went up to five employees shaking an item in their face asking "CAN YOU RETURN THIS FOR ME???" Eventually, someone did it on a normal checkout register so she would leave. Another family came in right after her at 10:01PM and spent forever trying to find a case for their iPod.

One more? There was a leak right above my cameras. They were dripping ON THE CAMERAS. A custy was looking at the cameras and asked me why she was getting rained on.

Maybe it was the hail, maybe they all got picked up my the tornado and in the process of
spinning 'round and 'round (like a record, baby) their brains got scrambled, or maybe they were all Born This Way. Whichever route you believe - they all made for a frustrating, but interesting night.

Comments

[Tarragonist]

This was one lovely story, I enjoyed reading it and visualizing it in my head :D (and go Gaga!)
And yes, I'm pretty sure they were born like that, but instead of growing up like normal people, they stayed like that... like simple, confused, clueless babies...

[Customer Service Slut]

I think they all had to be crazy. I mean, after all, who the heck would venture out in a storm like that to go to Target?

[Queer Geek]

Rah-rah-rah-ooooh-lala... Okay had to get my Gaga fix in. As for the storm rats, I hate to see what happens when 2012 hits and they get washed away with the next flood.

[MSavino]

Pittsburgh you must be in.

[cary]

And to think, most of these IDtenTs are registered to vote ...

[art&amaretto]

Good grief. >_< Every day I get up and think "Maybe there's hope for humanity"...and every day that same thought is dashed to pieces by brainless custies like these.

[NumismaticNerd]

Are you located in the Steel City, by chance? Since we just had a good sized storm with hail and tornados too.

[MuSicko]

I thought you were referencing Aerosmith's "Walk This Way", and I was like, "what does that have to do with LGBT issues?" And then you said it was Lady Gaga's "Born This Way", and then I was like, "OhhhIgeddit." Then I felt silly.

[SLAVETHISWAY]

Yeah, I'm in Pittsburgh!

[NumismaticNerd]

w00t! I actually might meet a fellow RHUer! Now to determine which store you work in... *ponders how to do so*

[MouseMastered]

@MSavino: What's it like having a jedi master as an english teacher?

[...]

fvcking oblivious asshats.

[Sisu]

@MuSicko: Glad I wasn't the only one!

[TechDeath]

@MoustMastered Speak like this all Masters do.

But yikes, no sign of a man with a really big boat and a menagerie?