Gas Station Dos and Do NOTs

Hi everybody!

I've only been working as a pump jockey since September, but it's already shot my patience. I've decided to write out a list of guidelines on how not to piss me off/ruin my day when I'm working at the gas station. There are some things I just can't fucking stand, and they happen every day I work several times a day, to the point where I sometimes end up shaking with anger. I just need to vent my frustrations, maybe get some laughs out of it before I explode and kill someone.

Do NOTS

1. Do not, for whatever reason, toss your money onto the counter, say a pump number, and walk away when I'm not at the counter. Yes, I realize you realize I'm in the store, but I have other responsibilities I have to squeeze in between customers. I'll be at the counter in ten seconds, if you can't wait that long, pay at the pump. Seriously, if you walk out without me repeating the amount and pump number, I won't put it in. Especially if you're doing it because I'm dealing with another customer that's taking a while. If you think you'll bypass a line by doing that, you're so wrong. I'll fucking wait until everyone else is gone. And if you're doing it when I'm ten feet away mopping the floor, I'll wait until you come back inside pissed off because the pump isn't on.

2. Do not toss money at me for anything. The blank stare I give you when I look at you, down at the money, and back at you should tell you something. Kudos to the ones that get it and pick it up and hand it to me. Even sliding it to me is better than counting out the $30 in singles you want to prepay one by one into a heap on my counter.

I won't bitch at you for them not being faced, which is something that only bothers me (though I did have a woman apologize for that, bless her heart), but if you're just flinging a bunch of crumpled up dollar bills and scattering them onto my counter, please enjoy me picking them up, uncrumpling, and facing them all as slowly as I can. It's called passive aggression, and it's the closest thing to actual aggression I can show you without shoving the money into your mouth.

3. We are a prepay station. It says it on the pumps. Don't tell me it doesn't, because
I fucking know it does. Don't get all huffy at me because you can't read. No, I'm not going to turn the pump on for you because you don't know how much you want. Not how it works. I'm not gunna take the chance of someone driving off with my gas. There are three options, and I'll explain them to you if you ask. You can pay at the pump, prepay inside, or leave your card here and I'll turn on the pump so you can fill up.

4. Do NOT hit on me. Jesus Christ, really? I'm honestly not attractive enough by any means to warrant those stupid pick-up lines, and I'm not paid enough to deal with them. How desperate do you have to be to try and pick up the gas station chick? That's a story to tell your kids right there. Really, old dude, I don't want to have dinner with you. I don't want the purfume you're trying to give me. I really don't even want to be alone in the store with you. Seriously, you give me the creeps, please for the love of god leave. I might call the cops if you say "cutie on duty" one more fucking time.

5. Don't reach over my counter. I'm the only one working, I'm a girl, and when I first took the job my family was asking about the likelihood of me getting shot/robbed. I'm here to give you the shit behind the counter. Fucking ask. I hate lottery as it is, it's the fucking bane of my existence, so the fact that you're reaching over a lot of shit to get the tickets I'm going to hand you AFTER you pay drives me fucking insane. The counter is the line only employees can cross. We wouldn't keep the money and valuable items behind it if anyone could go back there.

5a. Speaking of employees only, and an occurance that just happened yesterday and blew my fucking mind, what makes you think you can just waltz into my cooler? "Fresh milk" is not a viable excuse. I'm right here, I just fucking walked past you not 30 seconds ago. Don't apologize for it like that'll make it better, you even consider thinking about it again and I'll call the cops. I'm the employee wearing this god awful polo, it's my job to get the shit you want. You want fresher milk, fine. Just say that and I'll go in to the cooler and get it for you, what with that being off-fucking-limits to anyone not in a matching god awful polo. Fucking dumbass.

6. Don't come in and ask if I'm out of gas if the sign on the door says I'm out of gas and every pump has an out of order sign on it. My answer will be, "No. No we do not have gas". Also, don't come in and ask if the lottery machine isn't working if the sign on the door says the lottery machine is not working. It's irritating and the only reason I won't flip out on you is because I hate lottery and lottery customers and I get off on telling them no. I promise you, just because you ask three times doesn't mean my answer will change. And if it does, it's just to fuck with you.

Dos

1. Do KNOW YOUR PUMP NUMBER. How many times to I have to ask what car you're driving before you'll fucking stop pointing out the window and saying "that one" accompanied by a vague hand gesture. The pump number is printed in HUGE FUCKING NUMBERS right above your FUCKING CAR. It's so god damn obnoxious to have to deal with an already huge line, when I'm the only one working, and having you come push yourself up to the front and bitch about why your pump isn't working.

First off, I'm dealing with the people that haven't already pissed me off first so I don't go off on you, and second, what makes you think pump 11, located between two other pumps, is number 1? It's not even a matter of how well you can read it. It's surrounded by other pumps. How does that even make sense? And for you bastards who come in to complain about the receipt not printing, why would you drive away from the pump without getting the number? Seriously, now I have no number and no car to identify the pump. So now I have you cutting the line so you can wave your arms around like a fucking nutjob because you haven't realized it's so much fucking easier to go outside and check the goddamn number.

2. Do respect store policies. See that sign right in front of you face that says 1 carton per customer per day? See the one that says cigarette and gift card purchases over $35 paid with credit requires your license number on the receipt? I didn't make that up. Fuck, I hate it. I hate when people bitch about it like this is the only place on earth they can buy cigarettes.

There are notes taped to my register saying if I don't get the information, I'll get
written up. I really can't afford to lose this job, and I actually do like it sometimes, so I'm going to enforce everying that my manager tells me to enforce. We have the policy because people like to come in and max out stolen credit cards on cigarettes and gift cards. There are limits established and the license number establishes liability so the store doesn't get reamed when fraud cases come up.

3. Do have your ID on you. Don't come in here and tell me you're here everyday, because I've never seen you before in my life and you look like you're 12. Listen, cops set up stings to catch people selling tobacco to minors. I'm so not getting caught up in that shit. If you're caught selling to minors, you'll get fired, fined, have to go to court, and the store gets fined and can lose it's license to sell tobacco. So don't try to sweet talk me before you decide you want smokes, I'll still card you. I love seeing people pretend to fish in their pockets then say it's out in their car. Ha, your car is parked right outside the window, I can see you swearing and driving off without hesitation. It makes me feel warm inside. And, you know what, if you bitch about how you're 25 when you look like you're in high school, and you go out and get your ID and it actually shows you're 25, good for you.

You proved me wrong. It really, honestly doesn't bug me that I'm selling to someone that's old enough to buy it. I know it sucks if you look young. I just turned 21 and I got carded for an R rated movie a few months back. Get over it. And, no, I can't accept a ticket. I actually do feel bad about that, since I've had to drive on a ticket before. But I have an ID card and a driver's license. If my license is taken away, I still have my state ID to prove how old I am. Show me a state ID, license, or a passport, and we're good. And don't throw a fit about me not accepting a ticket when the cool cop standing in the store says it's not acceptable. He's the law, yo.

Sorry it's long, but I needed to get it off my chest. I really do like working in the gas station. It's nice to work by myself a lot of the time. I deal with customers, clean, catch up on RHU, whatever. I have regular customers I can chat with, and some super nice people come in.

There are even some people that wait to come inside the store if I'm smoking. This is
always a welcome suprise. Usually people just walk past and go up to the counter. But some tell me they're not coming in until I'm done, some just wait in their car, and some smoke with me and chat. I don't get breaks, obviously, since I'm the only one working, so I just adore the people that let me engage in my filthy habit, since I often have to choose between cleaning, going to the bathroom, eating, or smoking when I have a few minutes between rushes. Big love.

Anything any other gas slaves/customers want to add?

Stay gassy, my friends.

--Circle Jerkette.

Comments

[Mafia blimp]

This just made my day. 7am shifts at the gas station are not pleasant whatsoever.

[Wellness Bitch]

Kudos to you for putting up with that crap, I would lose my shit dealing with people that retarded day in and day out, especially the money throwers!

On a related note, this post made me think of the gas station near my alma mater - they have a HUGE sign, that's both highlighted and underlined, that says:

1) When you prepay give us the pump number, NOT THE COLOR AND MAKE OF YOUR CAR!!! We will not accept money without a pump number.
2) WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for YOU giving us the WRONG pump number.
3) WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for YOU driving away WITHOUT filling up your car.

THERE WILL BE NO REIMBURSEMENT FOR MISTAKES THAT ARE NOT OURS!!!

[Grocery Deli Slave]

On a funnier side. I was carded the other day buying cigarettes until the kid looked up and realized that he went to school with my 17 year old son! We both started laughing!It just made my day! Keep up the good work!

[SlaveToTheGrinds]

Here's one...Don't Bring your smoking car to the gas station and park by the fucking pumps to see what the problem is. REALLY DON"T FUCKING DO THIS!!!

The sound of flames is horrible..watching a car be completely engulfed next to a gas pump is even worse. Oh yeah and DON'T run into the woods to hide your weed while your car is near explosion next to a gas pump. When you decide to come back the cops are going to figure it out and send the dogs out to sniff out your shit. Telling the cops you ran because you didn't want to get hurt is stupid and oh hey what about the two people WORKING at said gas station staring at your flame engulfed car next to a fucking gas pump.

If your car is broken...park in the vast area that is not near the pumps. Thank you.

Yup that happened at the gas station I work at last october. Morons. That was fucking scary though...3 am fire..and people were still rolling in trying to get gas and coffee.

[Caper]

It amazes me how some people are allowed to drive yet have the logic of a toddler. "That one" is NEVER an accurate description of something, ever.

[Nyl]

Ooooh, can I add a few?

2a. Speaking of crumpled up money, do not be offended if I lay your sopping bills out to dry before putting them in the till. I understand that you have been working hard outside in the summer heat, but I don't want to touch your sweaty money once, let alone everytime I have a cash transaction.

4a. And for godsake, do NOT tell your wife that you are leaving her for me! I don't even know your name! I am pleasant and friendly with you because that is my JOB, not because I am secretly in love with and want to have your babies. The last thing I need is your pissed off wife calling me in the middle of my morning rush to swear at me and tell me how I've ruined her family. Oh, and that you'll do the same to me once you get back on your meds and stop drinking. (I can't wait!)

It's been over a decade since I ended my gas jockey "career" but the custy's haven't changed a bit!

[The Admiral]

I am REALLY sorry but "cutie on duty" is hilarious. I hate that you were the recipient of it, but it's a funny phrase. The closest I get to a compliment (here at the office) is "You look like you've lost weight - it must be your shoes." You're right, it's the shoes. I'm still fat.

[Service Station Slave]

Oh, the life of a service station slave. Working at the station, it is obvious that people do NOT know how to count. People will say, "Yeah, i want $10 on... what's that on th eother side of 3? 2?" Um... what do ya think is on the other side of 1? Also, people who say, "$20 on the white car" and out of 8 pumps, 5 of them have white cars.

[circle jerkette]

Cutie on duty wouldn't have been as bad if the guy saying it hadn't been such a creeper.

[Malmart Peon]

Oh my gosh you guys the ticket thing. I cannot accept your ticket as IT IS NOT A VALID FORM OF IDENTIFICATION. And if you are going to be without your driver's license for a long period of time why the hell would you NOT get a State ID? I've had people bitch at me because I wouldn't return something for them when they had a ticket or sell them cigarettes. My favorite one, though, was a woman who had an expired driver's license and some crazy story about how she was driving on a permit for a year. Lady, that's what State ID's are for. Her answer: I don't know why you can't accept this. It's just the wrong date!

Me: ...Because it's expired. The government said so. *mentally bashing head against wall*

[Eyescan Chick]

Honestly, if you appear old enough, I will accept an expired licence, simply because, Umm, last I checked, you were still you, and the fact that the date on a card has passed, doesn't mean your birth-date has mysteriously swept back a decade. I never understood why the damn things expire anyway, except for the state to make a little more money. It's not like you need to take a new driving test to get your new one, (but you should have to!)

[ash]

I hate when people just throw their crumpled up money at me too so, like you, I take my time uncrumpling it and everything. It makes me feel so good.

[Gas Slave Emma]

I love you. I want to print this out in mass amounts and just carpet my station with flyers of this until crustys get the damn hint.

[Grendus the Self Check Guy]

Worse with the wet money is when it's a woman... and she's very large... and keeps it in her bra. It's one thing if it's a guy and it was in his wallet, and it's mostly humidity (I live in Texas... summers are frickin' humid here), but sweaty titty money? Just eww...

[circle jerkette]

I sent this in months ago (when i still had a job...) but it took a while to get posted and i was worried it got denied because of the length. I'm so happy to see it posted and people enjoying it.

[Rose]

Two things to comment on about the IDs.

1. PLEASE card me! It gives me an ego boost when people think I look young enough to need to be carded! I'm turning *gasp* 30 on Monday, and I'm glad that I still am mistaken for 20 sometimes! :)

2. Licenses, IDs, etc... expire because most of the time, they want a new picture taken so that it still looks like you in the picture. Could you imagine if you had the same picture on your license for 30 years and were trying to convince a cop that "It's me; I swear!" lol

[Terah]

I know just what you mean, I've been at my gas station for five years. Along with that list, most of which applies to us, too, I would personally add-

'If I tell you we canNOT do something, don't go to someone else and ask. Hell, don't even go to the Shift Leaders and ask, because I've been here longer than them, and the one who's been here longer than me will come and ASK ME.'

[voodooshuna]

It has been 13 years since I worked at a gas station, but let me add this: If you buy lottery scratch-offs, DO NOT stand at the counter and scratch them. Have the common decency to go out to your car or anywhere else that would keep you from getting those stupid scratchings all over my counter and floor. Other customers don't like it when you block them from getting to make their own purchases.

[Logan]

I've been behind those lottery scratchers. I have even had them scratch their tickets while I am waiting to buy something, and when there are no winners just stand there and buy more tickets. No your purchase is over, go to the side to scratch your tickets and then to the back of the line if you want to buy more.

When I was a young lad I used my ticket to purchase alcohol at the liquor stores. They all took them just fine. I got an id. after one of the clerks suggested it, but still accepted the ticket. That was a long time ago though and not as strict. Also I always asked first and if they would have said they couldn't accept it, I would have politely accepted that.

[Skittles]

Why is it so hard for guys to realize that women don't like harassment? Seriously Most of the my co-workers are gals and a lot of them a ridiculous hot. That doesn't give me license to harass them. Hell in the 6 years I've been their we have had one guy stalk a co-worker, and a few harassment cases that resulted in firings. I just don't get it.

[Emilyae]

Ive worked at a Cefco(for about a year and some), and now for the past 10 months, a privately owned gas station in the same building that they bought FROM that particular cefco. Way better benefits working at a privately owned gas station just fyi!!!! No drug testing, or corporate bullshit. And Im not being babysat all the time like i was at the corporate owned Cefco. Anyway, All those are DEFINITELY my pet peeves. Ive actually had to have my boss tell certain male customers to not come in while im working anymore. I had this one African dude. (Im not being racist.... he really is African. Like he just came over from Africa with his wife like within the past few years). And he came in and called me a sexy girl and said he was looking for a sexy girl to have fun with when his wife isnt satisfying him. It was disgusting. and slightly frightening. I legit thought he was gonna kidnap me when i was closing and ship me to africa to be his mistress or something. Its creepy. And he came in a few times after i told him no just to "say hi". fuckin weird. Apart from that, i also have a regular who still comes in, who's called up to the store before we had caller ID, and told me he thinks about me all the time and that he was thinking about me with "both hands"................. omg ewwwwwwwwwwww. And i recognized the voice. But he still comes in, and he says "hello miss emily" in the creepiest way, and watched me when i turn around to get his cigs. I always treat him like shit and act completely rude to him. Because if he tells on me to my boss, my boss already knows everything about the guy and what he did to me. And before all that, he used to come up real close when i was doing other stuff in the store and ask me how im doing like he was talking to a hooker. Then he asked me if i wanted to have dinner with him sometime. But his wife comes in too, sometimes with him(which he acts like he doesnt know me or something.... WAY less creepy), and sometimes she comes in alone. And I could honestly just tell her.... but i dont wanna get involved in that drama unless it goes to another level. Im always very courteous to her for the fact that she seems kind of unhappy but he helps take care of her kids so she couldnt really leave even if she wanted to.
So, a lot of male customers ask why i dont smile as often as i used to. my answer is TALK TO YOUR FELLOW CREEPY MAN KIND!!!!!
Anyway,
We DO turn the pump on for regulars. My last drive off made me decide that i will not be turning the pump on for anyone who isnt already a regular.
One thing that frustrates me a LOT is the fuckin lazy asses who come in and go "yea, i need a rillo" And i say ".....ok, which one?"
"uhhhhhh"
-_-
"the red one"
"Ok, i have like 5 red packages"
"The swishas"
"ok... theres about 2 red swishas"
And they start getting frustrated with ME!!!!
"the strawberry"
"Thats not strawberry....."
"well just whichever one"
........HSRFGSDJKHGKSDFKH!!!!