Good day to all here at RHU. I'm going to bypass the usual spiel of 'long time reader, first time poster' mainly because I just discovered this site a few weeks ago so there's nothing long term at all about my tenure here. I've worked a plethora of different sales trades in my life (comics, electronics, furniture, housewares, cosmetics and now computer hardware) thus I've dubbed myself 'Trader Jack' as it's about the coolest spin on my career progression that I can think of right now.
Having read the increasing number of sexual harassment stories from female retail workers here (my sympathies to all of you BTW), I wish to regale you with a anecdote to show that males, while certainly at reduced risk, aren't entirely immune from the wanting lustful purveyance of horny custies either.
The setting is a beautiful sunny day, a few years back, in the kitchenware dept. at the local...you know what, let's be creative and call it 'Flowering Valleys'. I've been approached by a distinguished looking gentleman who shall be known from here on as OAP (for Old Ass Pervert, reasons will become clear in a minute).
OAP initially gives all the signs of being a well conducted chap. He's dressed nicely, smiles when he comes up to ask me about our cookware lines, and carries himself with a cheery, welcoming air. A few questions asked, a few explanations given, and soon he's made a decision on a set of pots and pans, and I'm flagging down a stock guy with a hand truck to help me get it from the back.
OAP: "Oh actually could you stay here please? I still have a few things I want to ask about this other set."
Okay, a bit of an unusual request from a custie who's already settled on what they wish to buy, but not the first time I've had someone who's wanted additional information on an alternative. As such I bid the stock guy on his way to retrieve the cookware set from the back and remain with OAP to see how I can further help. He asks a few more fleeting questions about our pots, noticeably showing less interest with each of my answers until...
OAP: "So are you new here? I can't recall seeing you during my last visit."
Me: "Well I was actually hired back in December but I'm relatively new to this department."
OAP: "Oh, so are you new to the city as well?"
Me:"Err, to an extent. I moved here in October."
OAP: "Ahh, so have you been fooling around yet?"
Me: "Umm...well, no not really. I'm still getting my bearings around here."
OAP turns to smile at me again, and his smile has noticeably lost its cheery edge and is now looking more like a lecherous smirk.
OAP: "Well are you doing anything tonight then? I could help you with that."
Okay, while I've enjoyed a...moderately successful track record dating the fairer sex,
I don't deny I've entertained the odd bi-curious moment about the appeal of the other team. On that note, however, I'm also man enough to admit I'm a ridiculously picky bastard with a short list of the types I'll share amorous affections with, and wrinkly, balding guys who are at least 50 years my senior are not on it.
Me:"I'm....afraid I already have plans sir, and I'm not gay."
OAP looks unfazed, but thence comes the saving grace of the stock guy returning with his pots and my hasty retreat behind the register to put a barrier between me and this no longer nice old gent as I ring him up. Silence mercifully hangs save for OAP uttering his address so I can have his purchased shipped and I briefly entertain the hope he's taken the hint.
Vain, vain hope it turns out to be once his total comes up and he stares at the CRU's screen.
OAP: "You know, considering how much I'm buying here, I think I should at least get a kiss."
Uhh..wah..buhhh..I don't...no, sir. NO!
Me: "I, um, Sir, I'm sorry but that would be inappropriate, and as I already said, I am not that way inclined."
The lecherous grin refuses to shift...and then OAP leans over the top of my register's screen as if hoping that breaching my personal space will sway me to his charms.
OAP: "Come on now, I'm being more than co-operative here. I've let you know where I live and I'm not fussing for a discount. I want a kiss."
Okay, I was trying to be nice before (hopefully), but now I'm officially going to take the kid gloves off about this (to myself at least). Sir, you're old, you've got maybe six wisps of grey hair left on your head, you're covered in liver spots and wrinkles, you look to be about 90 lbs when wet, and now that I'm seeing more of your face than is necessary I'd like to add that you'd benefit greatly from sucking on a Tic Tac and running a brush across those dirty teeth. I understand everyone yearns to feel wanted, whatever their persuasion in life, but as I've already stated twice now, IT'S...NOT...HAPPENING!!
Finally the grin vanishes and OAP gives me a grumble of defeat as he swipes his card and signs, accepting the receipt with only a muttering of how everyone at Flowering Valleys is "such a prude" before I grab the hand truck and make haste for the sanctity of the shipping area, prude-ness very much confirmed apparently but I can still hold my head high that it's polite prude-ness.
The funniest part is his hope of finding love in our store wasn't entirely unsound; I actually had three co-workers at the time who were openly gay and two of them were single (not to mention very sweet personalities). Since they were all closer to him in terms of age, however, I can only guess he was looking for something a little more fresh.
I'm sorry if this came off as one giant ageist rant (and if that isn't a card that's been played yet I've no doubt it will be soon), just that's not how you go about looking for some action.