I had posted my rant on CL a few weeks ago complaining about the fine clientele that often graces our store day and night, and there are some real BEAUUUUTIEEES!
Someone seen it on CL and posted it here where they thought it would be much more appreciated. Humor_me had commented on my post which came through my email stating how much she enjoyed it.
Having no idea who this was, I sent her back an email asking who they were. She in turn replied something that I can't remember, which made me send back the original email I received from her....then the rays of sunshine spewed through the clouds of darkness and she showed me the light to RHU.
No more will I be flagged because someone thought what I said was "dirty" or "belligerent" or was just down right being an asshole. Now I will be openly embraced for the things that have been fighting to come out of my mouth about those inconsiderate, ungrateful, no bath takin', too small a shirt wearin', no toilet manner havin' ingrate gluttons that call themselves customers.
If I had only known......you can call me KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) I work at a 24hr store that I'll call the Big M.
Now at the Big M, we sell all kinds of stuff...grocery stuff, clothes stuff, housewares stuff, outdoor stuff....you get the picture.
One night as I was walking down to the end of an aisle I heard an older man ask "can u's helps me?"
KISS:" What cha need?"
OM: "Where's da toofesses pace adt?"
KISS: "The what??"
OM: "Da toofesses pace! Where's id adt?"
KISS: (in my head) "What in the FUCK is this guy saying?"
KISS: "One more time sir."
OM: "DA! TOOF!-FESS!-ES! PACE!!! Where's id adt?"
KISS: "Sir, I have NO clue what you're saying."
OM: "You know...toofesses pace, the stuff u brush u teefesses wif!"
KISS: "TOOTH paste?!?!"
OM: "Yeah!! Das what id said!"
KISS: "Well, the TOOTH paste is over in aisle 4 of health and beauty care, across from the TOOTH brushes."
OM:" You ack like u neva hurd dat wurd bafore!"
KISS:" Sir, I know them as TOOTH and TEETH, not TOOFESSES and TEEFESSES. Is there anything else you need help finding?"
OM:" Nope, das id."
Really? I almost went and got someone else to try to help me interpret what this guy was saying. I don't even think he had enough teefesses in his mouth to need toofesses pace., That's just one of the stories that I have collected in my noggin over the last 27 years.
This was just a mild story to tell so I could loose my writing virginity on RHU. Thanks to humor-me, I can come here and share with others my encounters with these ass necks.
Thank you humor-me!!
--KISS
Toofesses? Seriously? I used to say that to my son when he was younger because it sounded silly, but that's the only time I've actually used the word. However your story made me think of something the late, great George Carlin once said "I think if I only had one tooth, I would brush it for a long, long time."
Posted by: NC Tony | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 06:13 AM
Welcome KISS!
I loved your CL rant! Keep 'em commin'
And yeah, teef teefsies toothsies is what I tell my 1 year old Punk. She only has two!
Posted by: Timekeeper's Twit | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 06:43 AM
*headbonks*
Welcome!
Posted by: WMDKitty | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 07:08 AM
welcome to hell kid!!! but thats ok because THIS is a GOOD hell!
Posted by: unshackled | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 07:53 AM
Reminds me of an encounter I had at the local 24-hour diner. I sat down and the counter guy asked me,"Chasummdrnk?" Maybe it was the fact that he had a toothpick in his mouth, but it took several more tries before I understood:
"What'll you have? Something to drink?"
But seriously,"tooofesses"?
Posted by: Joe the Cigar Guy | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 08:02 AM
Second paragraph: Somebody SAW. Not seen. Annoyingly bad grammar.
Posted by: Trixie | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 10:43 AM
Yes, thank you Trixie! I can't stand when people do that
Posted by: ash | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 01:58 PM
An afterthought: what do women have then? Breastesses?
Posted by: Joe the Cigar Guy | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 02:29 PM
Haha Breastessessss!
Welcome, KISS! Your CL rant was awesome. ;-)
Posted by: K-Fit | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 06:37 PM
Well welcome to RHU...when I saw your post on the Flint CL I thought you might be one of my co-workers, but i guess you work at one of the Ms...i work at one of the Ks lol
Posted by: Tom | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 06:49 PM
I had a simmilar incident with a custy walking up to me and asking where the "toupae's" were....I coulda sworn that he was refering to a men's wig....I even asked him if he meant fake hairpieces. and he repeated..."NO! Tooo-paaaaesss!" like for cleanin yo teesh!"
"You mean toothpaste?"
"Yah das wha ah sayd"
"Isle 12"
"Now whas dat so haaad?"
*thinking* "yes, yes it was"
Posted by: Spritzy | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 08:34 PM
Ugh, I hate people who cannot seem to realize that if we don't know what you're saying, USE DIFFERENT WORDS!
If I don't know what a "thingiemajig" is, I won't know no matter how many times you repeat it or how loudly you scream.
I actually had a customer who did this right tonight, though! They were looking for "ping pong" fish and after a few questions, we were able to figure out that what they wanted were pearlscale goldfish. If they had kept repeating "ping pong fish!" louder and louder, it would have just frustrated everyone.
Some people have no one to blame for the "poor service" they get but themselves.
Posted by: snuzzle | Wednesday, June 15, 2011 at 08:45 PM
YAY! Hi KISS! Glad to see you made it to Hell okay :-D
My ex told me a story he heard from a co-worker when he went to a fast food restaurant:
FFR: Wha kina sauce you wan?
CW: What are my choices?
FFR: [names choices]
CW: I'll have the mustard sauce.
FFR: Ho ow moi?
CW: Pardon me?
FFR: Ho ow moi.
CW: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
FFR: HO OW MIO!
CW: I'm sorry can you get someone else.
Manager: Did you want hot or mild sauce with that?
A little enunciation, please?
Posted by: Humor_Me | Thursday, June 16, 2011 at 04:08 AM
To Trixie and Ash...I'm sorry that my grammar wasn't perfect for you. That must of happened when my monocle fell away from my eye as I was reaching for another spot of tea. The next time I post something, I will be sure to have my tea and crumpets BEFORE I write anything and to have my monocle firmly in place. How awful it must of been for you to read my post, I am so ashamed!(Have you noted any sarcasm yet?) Sheesh, I thought I only had to deal with yackity schmackities from no-wheres-ville at work, now I have to deal with them here too. Here's a helpful hint: removing the stick from your ass may help you relax a little.
Posted by: KISS | Thursday, June 16, 2011 at 12:17 PM
KISS, don't feed the grammar trolls. Everyone makes grammatical errors, even grammar nazis know that. They just want attention.
Don't give it to them :)
Posted by: PunkyBrewster | Thursday, June 16, 2011 at 12:54 PM
Thanks PunkyBrewster for the info. It was just a natural reaction kind of thing, second nature when dealing with fuck-sticks.
Posted by: KISS | Friday, June 17, 2011 at 07:00 AM
Okay, I speak semi-fluent toddler, and I think I would have had just as much trouble understanding this custy as KISS did. Wow..."teefeeses." Pretty sure my brain would have turned that into "feces."
Posted by: Art & Amaretto | Friday, June 17, 2011 at 08:13 AM
I completely understand making grammar errors but SO many people actually say "seen" instead of "saw" in everyday conversation.
Posted by: ash | Saturday, June 18, 2011 at 09:27 PM
It should also be noted that Trixie used an incomplete sentence and ash left the period off of the end of the sentence. If you are going to be a grammar nazi, you have to be right. You'll have a lot more fun on the internet if you realize that you are not going to fix the world and just let it go.
Posted by: Riferous | Sunday, June 19, 2011 at 10:43 AM
Thanks PunkyBrewster for the info. It was just a natural reaction kind of thing, second nature when dealing with fuck-sticks.
Posted by: Pandora Bracelets | Monday, June 20, 2011 at 08:12 PM