To be honest, part of me is enjoying the liquidation. We don’t have to ask for Rewards cards, we don’t have to upsell shit, we don’t have to collect for a bookdrive, we don't have to do anything except ring people up and help them find things. (And we don't even have to do the latter if we don't want to! I do just because I honestly like finding books for people.) We can even tell a customer to GTFO if we don’t have what they want, rather than have to bow to their demands! Yay! Plus we’ve been super busy, and time always goes by faster when it’s busy.
The other part of me wants to start gnawing on customers’ brainstems. I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve answered the following questions:
“When are you closing for good?” – We don’t know.
“Can I get a price check on this?” – It’s 20% off, look at the sheet of price changes right in front of you.
“Is this sticker the sale price?” – Honey, do you really think they would print up individualized sale price stickers for every single book when the sales change every week?
"It's so sad, where will we buy all our books after this?" - I don't know, where will the 11,000 soon-to-be-jobless employees get their paychecks after this? (Admittedly I'm not usually snarky about this one -- I'm just as sad about no longer having a bookstore. I don't like waiting for books to arrive by mail either. xD)
“Is this on sale?” – Everything is on sale at least 20%.
“Are calendars on sale?” – Yes.
“How about--” – YES EVERYTHING IS ON SALE AT LEAST 20%.
“When is everything going to 50%?” – I don’t know, and like I’d tell you if I did?
“Is the sale seriously only 20%?” – Yes, I’m sorry our carcass isn’t rotted enough for you yet.
“I want you to ring up each of these fifty books I’ve carried up and tell me the price so I can decide which I want and which I don’t.” – And I want to punch you in the face.
We’ve made a dozen or so signs answering all the FAQs and hung them around the registers. When that didn’t work, we re-made the signs to be bold and used highlighters on them. When that didn’t work, we made giant arrows and colored them in with Sharpies and taped them pointing to the signs. If you guessed that even those didn’t work, you get a cookie.
I've become so preconditioned to nobody noticing them that yesterday I asked a man standing beside the register twice if he needed help, and finally he had to tell me he didn’t, he was just reading our FAQs sign. I was stunned. It never even occurred to me that he might actually be reading it.
#1: This is a fairly common scene:
Custy: “So everything’s 40% off, right?”
Me: “No, everything is 20%.”
Custy: “Your signs say 40!”
Me: “Um, our signs all say 20 – 40.”
Custy: *huffs* “Oh, that’s how you trick us.” *grumbles away*
Me: “Yes, of course, I trick you into thinking everything is 40% by putting up a sign where the 20 is written the exact same size as the 40. I am such a devil.” =|
#2: This one happened to a co-worker:
Custy: *stomps up* “Where are the 25 cent books?”
Co-worker (I’ll call her J): “Um, we don’t have any.”
Custy: “Yes you do! My friend said you have 25 cent books!”
J: “Could your friend have meant 20 percent books?”
Custy: “NO! He said 25 cent!”
J: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anything that cheap.”
Custy: *stomps a few feet away and points to a table* “Are these 25 cents?”
J: “They’re 20% off the sticker price.”
Custy: “Well what kind of a deal is that?!”
J: *walks away*
#3: This one just makes me snicker.
An older woman with a heavy accent comes up with a book in a bag and says, “I bought this here the other day and it is just so boring, I can’t stand it. It's terrible. Can I exchange it?”
Unfortunately for her, she thought she bought it the day after we started our liquidation sales, which means all sales are final. Just to be sure, I checked her receipt and sure enough, all sales final was written right on it. She was disappointed, but accepted it politely and thanked me for the help.
All the while, I was trying not to laugh. Why? Because the utterly insufferable, boring book she bought was none other than Bristol Palin’s book. Frankly, anyone who buys that deserves what they get…
Stay cool y'all. And come in and stock up on books; at least we know you guys will read the signs!