Black Friday Poem: 'Twas The Midnight of Walmart

By Queer Geek

‘Twas the midnight of Black Friday for Hell hath reached Walmart For retail slaves scheduled dreading of being torn completely apart;

Thanksgiving with family and friends is now no longer the norm, As Capitalism now controls consumers with their endless sale storms;

The poor workers should be nestled all snug in their beds, Not bombarded by NATS, ghetto hoodrats, and redneck inbreds;

And the store manager in his frustration takes a swig of his flask, Loathing his job while plastering a fake smile on to his mask-

When at the stroke of midnight there arose such a ruckus, Custys stampeded through the entrance while others fell on their touchis.

Already the first fight began on a discounted Christmas wreath, Between two Jerry Springer rejects who were missing some teeth.

But employees were too busy being nauseated preparing to hurl, After witnessing the booty shaking ho’s dancing to Wally, Wally World!

When, to the store manager’s ears that he feared he would see, But a riot breaking out over $10 T.V.’s!

Then some baby mama drama as two bitches yanked on each other’s weaves, Arguing over $100 Wii consoles, X-Box 360’s, and acting like thieves.

Like ants coming out of the woodwork by the millions they came, Shouting their demands and calling them by name:

"Give us the $500 flatscreens! $50 stereoes! $200 laptops!"

Where’s our $50 I-Phones? I-Pods? And cheap ass clothing to shop!"

"To the front of the store! To stockrooms, check around!"

"Give us what we want or we’ll burn this motherfucker down!"

From one end of the store to the checkout stands lines were busy, As the disgruntled custys grew impatient and got themselves in a tizzy;

"Can’t you ring up any faster? You’re running so slow and boring!"

"I want to be able to make it to the Black Friday sales in the mall this morning!"

With a silent grumble, the cashier finishes the transaction "But the worse is yet to come for the cashier who is starting to cramp, The custy from Hell who wants to pay her shit with WIC vouchers and food stamps.

Placing a television on the conveyer belt getting ready to pay, This bitch is thinking she is going to get her way.

Rejecting the tender, the bitch acts like she’s been kicked in the caboose, That is when all Hell breaks loose. "Get me the store manager! Y’all racist up in here! This is whack!" "Y’all took them at the other

Wal-mart! It’s because I’m black!" With a sigh and another swig, the store manager answers the distress call, As he listens to this bitch with some balls;

Even after telling the custy no to paying with WIC and EBT, Bitch attacks the store manager with the fury of a banshee;

Security and the police are called over without delay, As this crazy bitch is arrested and carted away.

Meanwhile Black Friday madness at Walmart continues on With more custys exploiting the holidays all wrong! The store is in shambles. The shelves are a mess. Piggy custys all around. It’s Black Friday I guess.

Packages are opened. Boxes shoplifted off the floor. Not to mention someone just stole a swing set in the store.

Custys’ tempers are flaring. Employees are fatigued. Working for minimum wage can make anyone want to grieve. Yes it is Black Friday.

When will retail make an amend. Especially next year when you have to do this shit all over again!

--Queer Geek

 

Comments

[Nowhere Girl]

Brought a tear to my eye...

[Kim]

This is epic.

[Govy bitch]

Oh, too funny! My hubby works at Hell Mart and had to work 4 PM-1 AM last night. I went there at 10 PM when they had their first doorbusters. It was total chaos. Not a parking place to be had nor a cart for that manner. People were pushy and rude, and there were lines to the back of the store. The store looked like it had been hit by a tornado. My hubby has worked there 10 years, and I've never seen it like that. I had to get the hell out of there before I started screaming. As I was leaving, I realized that there were over 1,000 people lined up to get into the damn store! Uneffinbelievable. I'll never go to a store on black Thursday/Friday/fucking Halloween and put up with that bs. Really gives me even more respect for retail slaves like my hubby. Love this site. Keep up the good work.

[mrock]

really? calling people ghetto hoodrats and inbred rednecks? SURELY your post cannot be complete without some cracks about latinos, asians, and arabs?

it's so...familiar and unfortunate to see some ignorant racist and classist bullshit from someone who considers themselves queer. quel suprise. as someone who worked retail and hated every minute of it, i really thought i would like this site and have a good laugh until i happened upon this moronic post where in the first few lines someone's race is inextricably linked to their behavior. and i want to make this clear to you: ultimately no one told you to work at walmart. if loathe the customers to the point where you have sunk to their level (and trust me, with THIS screed you have sunk far below their level) look for work elsewhere.

[hotcat]

I'm a slave, too, and enjoy this site, but this is the first time I've posted. I actually agree with mrock about the racism.

[Bitch Boy]

Can we get Walmart to change it's name to Buy N Large?

[Kat]

@mrock: Just want to disagree with you somewhat on a point. No one may have told them to work at walmart, but the job market is SHIT and people find it very hard to get an ideal job, and thus have to settle for whatever they can get.