Burger Bitch: I Love My Regular Custys - Especially When They Tell Off Other Custys

I don’t even know where to start with this week, it’s just been a total and complete fucking shitstorm. I haven’t been sleeping that well as of a few weeks ago and I’ve tried everything under the sun to get myself to sleep better, or at all. But nothing seems to be working, which makes my patience level at an all-time fucking low.

Let’s start things off with a small public service announcement; PLEASE BE SPECIFIC WHEN YOU ORDER, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO A COFFEE SLAVE. Twice this week, I’ve had customers freak out at me because I messed up their order.

Bitch, it’s not my fucking fault if you’re not specific. Dillfucker the first came through DT a few days back and ordered a large coffee with a small milk. Now, to me, that means a large coffee with a small milk in it. But no, he meant a small coffee AND a small CARTON of milk, so he proceeded to flip the fuck out over the fact that I put milk in his fucking coffee.

The second customer was a middle-aged woman who came up to the counter and asked for “two coffees with milk and one coffee with sugar.” To myself and my coworkers, that meant 3 coffees. My coworker poured them while I attended to a DT order, when I handed her the coffees, she flips her shit and starts SCREAMING at me because she only ordered two coffees.

I offer to repour them if she tells me what she wants in them, but I doubt she could hear me over the sound of how much of an asshole she was. Apparently she wanted one coffee with just milk and one coffee with milk and sugar, which she could have ordered the fucking correct way by saying “Can I have 2 coffees, one with milk and one with milk and sugar.” But I suppose that would have been just too simple. 

Now, I need to tell you guys a story from a few weeks back. We have many regulars and 99% of them are absolutely amazing. One in particular is my favourite.

We’re going to call him John because he looks hella similar to John Goodman. He’s crazy tall, I’m guessing about 6’4 or 6’5, and SUCH a sweetheart. Every morning he comes in and the first thing he says is “My dear, how are you!?” and he just makes my heart melt.

Sometimes he’ll bring his son in with him, who’s about 4 or 5 and he’s the most polite child I’ve ever met. Anywhom, John is the manager of a hardware store just down the road from us, so he comes in 2-3 times a day, but his first time is always about 15 minutes after we open.

He came in a few weeks back, so I get his coffees ready for him (He gets his and one other for whoever opens with him that morning, so I just ask him whose working with him and get theirs ready.) There was another man behind him in line, but he was waiting for a sandwich that my coworker was preparing for him, so I was shooting the shit with John about whatever hockey game was on the night before (I’m Canadian, it’s an everyday occurrence) when the man behind him taps him on the shoulder.

John: “Yes?”

Asshole VonVagDouche: “I was in your store the other day and it was fucking awful! I couldn’t find anything I wanted and your employees were so fucking incompetent!”

John: “Ok, first things first. You just interrupted my conversation, and she was talking. Obviously your parents weren’t fit enough to teach you to NEVER interrupt a lady. Second, maybe if you were more polite, my employees would have been more inclined to help you search for whatever you were looking for. And third, DOES IT FUCKING LOOK LIKE I’M AT WORK TO YOU? NO. I’M GETTING MY COFFEE BECAUSE IT’S 6:15 AM AND I NEED IT TO DEAL WITH ASSHOLES LIKE YOU.”

Asshole VonVagDouche: (Who barely reached 5’5”) “Oh. I-Uh.. Ok.”

I had to turn around to stop from laughing; it was so glorious seeing some fucktrot get his ass ripped to shreds. John even apologized for swearing in front of me and carried on his merry way. When he came back for his second coffee on his break, he told me that if that guy ever gave me trouble, to let him know.

I love my regular customers so much.

--Burger Bitch

Comments

[ScanGunMonkey]

Made of so much win...could I possibly bother you to give that man a high-five? :D

[Aunty]

OMG, I just pictured John Goodman in his Big Lebowski clothes yelling. I think I've gone to heaven.

[Hellmart elf]

awesome. I love it when small business owners don't take shit.

[Evie]

Oh my God that creep deserved to be used as John's personal hand puppet. Who the hell starts shit with someone when they're NOT EVEN AT WORK OMG.

[KittyKatzchen]

I just want to give that man a hug!

[NC Tony]

The first half of that post gave me another idea for the Slaves Wish List 2011 (coming soon, guys, promise).

And I second what ScanGunMonkey said, give John a high-five from me as well.

[Michele]

"I love my regular customers so much."

I love your regular customers too! I so wish I could have seen that!!

I despise people that bring up shit to others about their workplace when they aren't IN said workplace.

I mean, are you going to ask a waitress why she didn't refill your Coke if you randomly see her on a bus?!

[hellraiser]

And he was so entitled he thought your John would just stand there and take it? Love it! People like that need a good world shaking more often.

[ap]

Yeah well he shouldn't have flipped the FUCK out, if you're ordering something like that, be specific. It's coffee.

[Laughing Barista]

For some reason, people who order coffee are fucking stupid. At least ten times a day I got "I want a coffee." Really? Good for you! What size, what do you want in it, etc etc? Unless if you've never had coffee before, I really shouldn't have to ask you that.

And John sounds awesome.

[Book Baby]

Is this man single? I so, marry him at once!!! Seriously, what a great guy.

[MouseMastered]

John sounds pretty fucking cool. I also picture john goodman from Big Lebowski, but more during the scene where he pulls the gun in the bowling alley.

[Daisy]

I hear ya. At the ol' popcorn stand, I get people asking for "a medium caramel and white cheese." And I have to ask them to clarify if they mean one medium bag of each (two altogether), or one medium bag with half of each.

I even get it at the hotel. "I need two rooms for Wednesday and one room for Thursday." Is that 3 separate reservations, or is that one room for one night & one room for 2 nights? And then they'll answer, "Two rooms for Wed and one for Thurs." Yeah, I heard that the first time. You're still gonna have to tell me if it's 2 or 3 reservations altogether.

[WMDKitty]

Give John a big hug for being awesome, yeah?

[Permafacepalm]

AllofmyFUCKYEAH!

[Humor_Me]

Quick! Grab some DNA! We need to start cloning this guy! AND his parents! Obviously he was raised RIGHT. If more big box stores took on his attitude, the attitude of the average crusty would change as quickly as that moron.

I had something similar happen, but it turned out positive for me. I was working at Hellgreen's, and I was discussing with co-worker about a particular gas station. Apparently the manager of the gas station was station was standing on the other side of the aisle and heard us so came over to talk to us. I told him that I would have my handicapped placard hanging in my window and pull up to the designated pump, but I would still have trouble getting service, even when the station was not particularly busy. He handed me his personal business card and said that if it ever happened again to call his cell phone number because service was part of his business! I was shocked! I had never seen a manager go out of the way for a customer like that. He must have had a talk with his employees because I never had a problem being served again.

[The Night Auditor]

yeah, i get really stupid people coming in occasionally...
it's similar to what Daisy said:
two men will come in and say they need a room. every time i have to ask if they want seperate rooms, or one room together. i wish i could take photos of their faces when i ask! it's possibly the best perk i have here right now.

[Giannis]

Me gustan las foamrs que resultan. Es para mi novedoso el empleo de ropa de esta manera. Me gustan los colores y las texturas que proporcionan los tejidos. Felicidades

[Hayata]

Such fantastic iniormatfon Bob you are spot on! Everything else is a fad, good, solid people to people interaction always wins.Keep up the great work, Heather Reply

[Conmike]

O N I O N prices inersaecd. . . . . . . . inersaecd . . . . . . . . . . . SHARAD PAWAR upeals !!!!People should stop using ONIONS.We should be thankful to Con's gov. 4 not giving him TEXTILE MINISTRY

[Romar]

here to read the rest:a0 5 Signs Your Retail Store Needs A Makeover | Bob Phibbs, the By admin | category: reatil, reatil shelving | tags: makeover, marketing,

[Ghatink]

The advantages of this are cosnbderaile. No more pleading of the IT department to let you install Tweetdeck. No more finding that Evernote is blocked. Not sure how likely it is, though. Chances are neither Tweetdeck nor Evernote will be available through a centrally controlled app store as they wouldn't pass the vetting.I really like the idea but there are some cosnbderaile back-end and middleware infrastructure challenges. I see a future where apps will run on your TV, mobile device de jour, in your car, on planes in fact, anywhere that electrical appliances run now.To call this disruptive for the ICT department is an understatement. It might mean the end of the IT department completely. That's probably a good thing. We don't have electricity departments anymore

[Beiby]

The worst feeling i get is that U hav only 1 life and 2 hav it end like that just gives me this terlrbie feeling for those who died. It is just so so depressing to think about. I thank god daily that i am still alive and that i have plenty of life to live. I'm only 15 and will enjoy the rest of my life to the fullest