Forget Black Friday, "Ricky Bobby Week" Is the Real Beginning of Holiday Retail Hell

Hi everybody!  It's the holiday season!  (Don't break your screen, it's too early for the Black Friday sales.)

I have decided that I am going to refer to the first week of November as "Ricky Bobby Week".  (For the uninitiated, Ricky Bobby was Will Ferrell's character in "Talladega Nights".  You have to watch it at least once.) 

Anyway, I have christened the week thusly because the first week of November is when all the toothless, clueless, no-soap using, EBT having rednecks do their Thanksgiving shopping so they can sit around, watch NASCAR, and give thanks to the little baby Jesus.  I promise it's worse than a regular first of the month, mostly because the people who are only there once a month and can't find anything are looking for everything they can't find plus the holiday stuff that nobody can find because they only buy it once a year.

(Disclaimer: Not all EBT users are gum-slapping unwashed hillbillies.  But they are out there.  You know they are.)

Compounding the first week of November is the fact that certain commodities do pick up in sales, and merchandising knows enough to advertise them, but not enough to supply them properly.  Three days into the ad, I schlepped product all day because we had a ton of it and it wasn't on the floor, it just naturally wasn't what people wanted.  Brand name canned vegetables?  The whole line is on sale, and while we for some strange reason ordered the four biggest sellers (what were we thinking?) all day it was "Do you have sweet peas?  Do you have mixed vegetables?  Do you have potatos and shredded cabbage patch kids?" 

Well, maybe, probably not, but consider this: you are asking me this by the two skid display that A.) you haven't bothered to look through and 2.) this is NOT the canned vegetable section, this is a display.  Look in the aisle, people!

...Which is where I was, trying desperately not to end people who were standing in front of the slot for the item they want, which is in my hands or next on the cart, so that I can't get to the shelf stock it, when two literally toothless old sisters come up looking for, naturally, what we don't have.

"Do you have mixed vegetables?"

"No, sorry, what you see is what I have."

"Do you have the others or are they part of the sale?  Can I get a raincheck is what I'm asking."

...No, that's not what you're asking, but sure, knock yourselves out.

5 days into the sale they started substituting the store brand.  And ran out in a day.

And completely unrelated, but noteworthy, I was filling in at another store when I saw a 60+ year old man with full beard wearing an outfit that, in individual pieces, could have passed for men's clothing, but put together as an outfit, was all women's.  Blouse, slacks, hat, even down to the knee high boots.  Somehow I managed to nod, mask my surprise, and move on.  To each his, her, or its own, I guess. 

Thankfully, at least, we had our holiday open house on the 5th, and once it was over, they deep sixed the Christmas music.  The tradeoff, I guess, is that they started mixing in country.  But I decided that I will accept that since, for the first time in 13 years, I heard honest to God Jimi Hendrix at work.  

Stay classy, RHU!

--Riferous

 

Comments

[Book Baby]

Shredded Cabbage Patch Kids--THAT'S what I am taking to Thanksgiving dinner! This had me guffawing BIG time.

[mick waukee]

I don't. LIVE today!!
Maybe tomorrow, I just can't say.
When I was a wee lad, I had jimi's "rainbow bridge" on LP and 8 track. I pretty much wore both of them out. Good times.
Thanks for the memory, Rif.
Also I remember my former neighbors preparing shredded cabbage patch kids with Cholula brand hot sauce. When I asked why, they explained that it was a cultural thing, and that they were just glad they didn't have to use shredded garbage pail kids instead with store brand sauce.
Happy hump day, kids!!