Retail Hell Crazies of The Full Moon

From The Crankie Cashier:

RHU. You know you are in retail hell when you know the full moon has arrived because people have lost their freeking minds. 

Today at work I had many many crazy customers at the Giant Orange Box, and will share a couple with you.

The first I honestly thought was a joke, because I did not think anyone could really be this stupid.

Apparently I am naive. I was in charge of the self check out which is right next to  the indoor plant display. The display has an overhang of hanging house plants. As I stood there directly under the house plants a customer walks up and starts the following conversation.

Crusty: "Do you have any plants? I want some and cant find them anywhere!!!"

Me: "lol" (thinks customer is being nice and making a joke about the large number of house plants

Crusty: "I don't know what you think is so funny I am looking for a plant for my living room!" (glare of doom)

Me: "Um like those?" points at huge display part of which is literally hanging over the custy."

Crusty: "You all could make a clearer display."

That was the moment I knew it would be a long shift. But the topper was later with the person I will call Crazy Baby Lady.

I was standing in front of my register later in the evening when a customer with a baby carrier walks up to me and informs me that she forgot something in the car and would I watch her baby  while she goes and gets it.

What the hell is wrong with this lady?! For all she knows I eat babies after using them as a football.

When I looked at her like she had lost her mind she explained that it is cold outside. It's cool lady leaving your kid with a complete stranger is much safer than a little wind.

As I thought quickly to find a solution that was not likely to end in me getting sued or stuck with a baby for the rest of my life my knight in orange apron showed up. I shall call him Boss because he is one and it rhymes with his real name. He walked the customer out and got it for her. I was so relieved and thought that I was done with this irresponsible parent. Wrong again.

About 20 minutes later she walks through my line and the first words out of her mouth "What kind of discount can you give me?"

After quickly deciding not to tell her to fuck off or pay full price like everyone else I then spent 15 minutes describing a credit card deal. Which she then did not want. Ok fine lady you are ready to go I wont have to deal with you again because the next time I see you or that poor little sucker who you will probably lose by next week I am hiding. Nope wrong yet again. She had a question.

Her: "Why did that person in paint tell me to paint the walls before painting the trim?"
me"um because it is usually easier to paint the walls before the trim."

I then have to spend 15 minutes trying to find another way to explain this and eventually have to use a diagram. I hate people some days.

Good luck with all your crazies on the full moon.

--The Crankie Cashier

Comments

[NC Tony]

I'm convinced custys have a nice big glass of stupid juice before coming to our retail establishments and making their way onto this blog.

[In Slavery]

Once had a custy get mad b/c she left her sunglasses behind. She was getting madder by the second, and started to accuse employees of stealing her oh-so-expensive prescription designer shades.....I found them. Right on top of her head. She got mad and left.

[Swede]

I admire how much stupidity you guys put up with. I've gotten my share of dumb questions but nothing like this. Hang in there Crankie.

[many bells down]

Is it easier to paint the walls first? Seems like I make a bigger mess on the trim, and if I paint that first then I can cover up the trim paint I got on the wall, by painting the wall.

Or maybe my brain is just backwards.

[MrSpellcheck]

Actually since trim paint is a bit more durable than wall paint, you can paint the trim first, overlapping 1/4" or so onto the wall. Let it dry completely, tape off the edge and then paint the wall. Tons easier and you seal the gap between the trim and the wall.

[Humor_Me]

They keep doing statistical experiments to see if there are more crimes or babies born during a full moon, but they keep saying that it is inconclusive. Obviously the people doing the tests have never worked in retail, as a cop, or in the delivery room.

[Christian Louboutin sale]

then allowing for a transition of 3 degrees out of the old sign and 3 degrees into the new, we are partway into the swirl of major transition lasting about 430 years mas o menos. This is of course a time period when things are in radical change and comings and goings are accelerated. Since we live in a very small span relative to the cosmic timekeepers, then it's doubtful we can get a large enough view to understand what's actually happening and why.