We’ve all heard of rock groupies (I’m sure Justin Bieber is learning his lesson about paternity suits), sports groupies (Basketball Wives anyone?). Well there is a groupie in just about every organization including the military. Military groupies? Whoever heard of such a thing? Basically, these are your run of the mill gold diggers from small towns who flash their cans at every base hoping to trap a soldier husband. Thus, this is where this story takes place.
Now before I begin, let me give you an insight into my background. I’m a former Navy brat. My dad was in the Navy and we were shuffled around before he retired and settle in one location. I have relatives serving in the army and currently stationed overseas in Afghanistan and the Middle East so it is in my blood to support the troops. My brother in law is a former Marine who also has friends serving so I’ve been closely reading and watching what happens with the government’s plans to bring the soldiers home next year. With that said, I’ve been fed numerous stories of these so called military groupies but I’ve never seen one up close. It is kind of like the Loch Ness Monster, you might never see one but you know it might exist!
This brings me to my story. My sister’s BFF works in a government sponsored retail store on one of the bases in the credit union department and deals with approving loans and financing credit availability to soldiers and their military families for big ticketed retail items like furniture, electronics, or fine jewelry. BFF shares tons of crazy stories of military custys but the ones she reveals are the military groupie wives that come in that add that special touch of wackiness to retail hell. Here’s how it went down.
BFF was manning the credit desk when Military Groupie Wife comes in. Military Groupie Wife is dressed to the nines, dripping in jewelry, sporting a designer handbag, and had enough plastic surgery to make Joan Rivers look normal.
BFF then looks at the three hellspawns she drags in and gasps. THEY LOOKED DIRTY! Food stuck to their t-shirts, dirt on their faces, clothes not laundered with holes. They looked like the could be poster kids for Child Protective Services. As the three hellspawns start beating the crap out of each other, Military Groupie Wife ignores them and approaches BFF’s desk.
"Hello, I need to upgrade my credit by $4000 because I want to trade in my diamond earrings for bigger ones," she tells BFF.
"Let me see what I can do," replies BFF who checks her computer. Meanwhile, dirty hellspawns are destroying the office and Military Groupie Wife is doing nothing about it.
"I’m sorry but the extension on the credit offered is only for $1000. Three months ago we extended your credit by $5000 and you’re already exceeded that amount," BFF tells the custy.
"Oh it’s okay," Military Groupie Wife tells her. "Just let them have raise it up another $4000. My husband’s credit is good. That shouldn’t be a problem."
"Well I have to make some calls because they are only allowing up to $1000 only," informs BFF.
BFF calls the main branch office and is put on hold. During this time hellspawns are hurting each other and Military Groupie Wife is not lifting a finger to break it up. The main branch finally gets in touch with the husband who is the main account holder and puts him on the line.
"Hello General sir, I apologize for bothering you at work but your wife is here and wants to raise your credit limit another $4000 and we calling you for approval," BFF tells him.
"TELL HER NO!" the General husband states. "SHE’S PUTTING ME INTO THE POOR HOUSE! SHE’S ALREADY PUTTING ME IN DEBT! THE ANSWER IS NO!"
BFF explains this to the custy but Military Groupie Wife is not having it and grabs the phone.
"LISTEN I WANT THOSE EARRINGS!" She yells at her husband. "I NEED BIGGER EARRINGS! THE ANSWER IS YES! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! I DESERVE NICE THINGS!"
Discovering that she is not going to get her way hangs up the phone. BFF is stunned and confused.
"Just ignore him," the Military Groupie Wife tells BFF. "Just raise it up anyway."
"I’m sorry but since he is main account holder, he has to approve the credit increase so my hands are tied and we won’t be able to grant your request," explains BFF.
"BUT I’M THE WIFE! I’M TELLING YOU TO RAISE UP THAT CREDIT! YOU CAN DO SOMETHING!" the custy screeches.
"I’m sorry but no we can’t," BFF responds.
"Fine!" snaps Military Groupie Wife. "I’ll take my business elsewhere. There are other credit unions that will grant me an increase." She grabs her hellspawns and leaves in a huff.
Sadly, I’m familiar with scenarios like these all to well. I deal with credit situations at my job and I can’t begin to tell you how many soldiers return overseas and discover that their wives (soon to be ex-wives) have ran up their credit and put them in debt while they were away fighting. It is even sadder when a groupie gets in the mix and ruins these poor guys’ lives. What is the world coming to?