A Coworker Nightmare Name Emo Barbie

Well, I'd thought I'd left all the petty bullshit at Slemslations, but apparently it migrates with me like some sort of fucking parasite.

My co-workers, for the most part, are absolutely lovely.  We operate as a dysfunctional little family, with our spats and annoyances, but for the most part we're all very close.  I work the day shift, and open the shop five days a week, and have for the past couple months without incident.  As at Slemsations, I was promoted fairly quickly and am shift manager at Pizza Pit, which basically makes me indispensable as a worker - I do all the paperwork, handle all the money, and am the only one allowed in the office.

Last night was Shanaynay, the night manager's birthday.  As such, she took the night off (she deserved it, she works amazingly hard and deals with drunks better than anyone I've ever worked with) and I was asked to take her shift.  I've never, ever closed before, much less on a Friday night when we close at 4am, so I was quite nervous. 

Shanaynay left me a list with everything that needed to be done, which I followed to a t.  The shift was incredibly fun - I worked with my best friend and one of my favourite drivers, as well as a good solid kitchen staff, and the bar rush went smoothly.  I made mad tips, and when 4 o'clock rolled around, I went around the store, list in hand, completing all of the computer tasks, cleaning and locking doors.  On the computer, I closed out the day, locked up and went home to sleep.  This morning (well, 3pm) I got a text from Bestie telling me that the girl who took my shifts was whining about everything that I did last night and was going to tell the boss.

Let's get some backstory on this bitch.  Emo Barbie, as she shall be known, is a fucking dumbass.  This girl talks a mile a minute when you attempt to explain anything to her, and she never fucking shuts up.  The rest of the staff hate her because she's impossible to train and inappropriately affectionate to everyone (she gave the kitchen staff hugs the second day she started work and they stared at me as she did so with a "QUE PASADO?!" expression on their faces) and the boss is so disappointed in her inability to do the simplest of tasks that she is only ever scheduled to close Sunday nights.  He decided to give her a chance this week by letting her take my shifts while I took Shanaynay's, and so I gave her my key and wished her good luck.

Fast forward to right now.  I get a text from Bestie saying that Emo Barbie is bitching.  I text EB to ask her what was wrong, and get a THREE PAGE TEXT MESSAGE telling me that I forgot to do all sorts of things.  She says she told Rude and that he's going to can me, and tells me not to text her anymore because it's immature.  The thing about me is that I am an incredibly chill person, but if you get me angry, then woe betide you.  She got me angry.  I sent her one last text message, containing only one word, a word that I despise and never use.  That word was "cunt".  Apparently Emo Barbie doesn't like that word much either, because what happened next was priceless.  I wasn't there to see it, but Bestie sure was, and I got a play-by-play.

Emo Barbie read the text message, responded "lol", then immediately turned to Bestie and started screaming at her.  Bestie had taken part in some green funtimes before going to work, so she was giggling the entire time that Emo Barbie was freaking out at her.

Customers watched in amazement as Emo Barbie proceeded to follow Bestie around the store, still screaming and ranting that it was all Bestie's fault, and Bestie was still laughing her ass off.  She then told me about this, with the follow-up that Rude probably didn't hear anything about what happened last night, because if he had, I would've gotten a call firing me hours ago. 

In any case, she will likely be kicked to the curb before me, since she freaked out in front of customers whereas I merely did a lot of angry dishes and cleaned my boyfriend's apartment.

Loves, kisses and revenge is a dish best served cold,

--TheBrit

 

Comments

[Humor_Me]

Wow. A regular Peyton Place! One way to solve your problem though... DUCT TAPE! That should shut her up for at least a little while.

[Spider]

Christ, what a bitch. Had I been you, I probably would have done almost the same thing- I just would have had a Burger Bitch moment. *gives TheBrit a hug*

[Cherry IScream]

So, hold on... she sends you a three page text bitching about all the stuff you did "wrong" and then ends it by telling YOU not to text her, because texting is immature?

What. The. Fuck. Can we say hypocrite?

[David]

Dear 'The Brit',

You sound like a right cunt.

Yours sincerely, David.

[TheBrit]

Dear David,
Thank you for your kind words of support. They really mean a lot to me.
Love always,
TheBrit.

[ScanGunMonkey]

Heh....madame, would it be too much to ask for you to hi-five Bestie and then possibly hi-five yourself? :D This absolutely made my day.

[NC Tony]

I'm with Spider, I too would have had a Burger Bitch moment. Either that or I would have called her and had a Burger Bitch moment.

[HikariRyuunachi]

Her ranting out in front of customers reminds me of what one of my mom's co-workers did to mom one day. Mom was off the clock, too and this b*%tch just yells at her in front of me and all the other customers there. Mom complained to the store owner as soon as she could. B*tch is still there, sadly.

[MMOrpg]

I don't think I will ever understand certain peoples need to make drama very public right there on the work floor.

I hope you still have some sanity left!

[staples]

While she sounds like a horrid coworker to have, I don't understand how people can partake in "green funtimes" and then go to work. That's just as bad as getting tipsy before work. How can you expect to be taken seriously when you're high at work? Especially when you work with food, and possibly knives. That shit is dangerous!

[LabRat]

What a sack of worthlessness. Even if you did happen to do some little mundane thing incorrectly, there are proper and more respectful ways of talking to your co-workers. Who the hell texts someone that shit? At least have the decentcy to say it to my face. I'm glad you didn't get in trouble for the stuff she was making up. I hope she gets kicked out and that someone with sense who needs the job takes her place.

I gotta ask, where did the name "Emo Barbie" come from? You gave us some info in your rant, but not enought to warrant that clever little title.

[KittyKatzchen]

I know a lot of people, co-workers included, who would participate in green funtime before work. I don't care, as long as they maintained good work. If you're the kind who gets all weird and lazy, I hate it, but I don't see anything wrong with it if you can still do your job well.

[Queer Geek]

Green funtimes! Ahhhh...memories....

Anyway, I've worked with cunt coworkers like Emo Barbie. I do what I normally do to handle them. Tune them out. Selective hearing works wonders.

[Music Girl]

Dear David,

STFU and GTFO.
Nothing at all in that post would make TheBrit come across as a cunt.