Now, I have one coworker who is a huge fucking cunt. I literally have no other words to describe her because that’s how terrible she is. She’s shows up late all the time or calls in sick, in December alone, she called in sick eight times. EIGHT FUCKING TIMES. But she never gets in shit for anything. Why? Because my manager has to have permission from her boss to fire someone, and her boss is a fucking buttpussy.
So this morning, I go in at my usual time which is 4:30AM and Cunt is supposed to come in at six. Recently, I’ve had a bitchin’ flu, but I still show up to work because, well, nobody would take my shift because they refuse to work with cunt. One of my coworkers even called me and said “BB, I love you. Like, more than tequila, but just not enough to want to work with Cunt.” Seriously, this is how bad she is. But anywhom, 6:10 rolls around and she’s still not there and it’s starting to get really busy, 6:15 comes and I call my manager and let her know that Cunt is late. Awesome Manager tells me to call her again in 10 minutes if she’s still not there and she’d be right over.
Nope, she still wasn’t there, so I text my manager and she tells me to call in Mama Bear. Mama Bear is by far my favourite coworker. She’s such a sweetheart and I just love her so much. I ask the two people waiting at cash if they could just hold on for one second because I really have to call my coworker in, but they start fucking flipping shit, so I serve them. But as I’m serving them, I start to feel insanely unwell and realize that I’m about to have some serious issues. I serve them as fast as I can, but DT goes off, serve that customer, someone else comes in. At this point, I’m in tears because I need to go to the washroom SERIOUSLY BAD and I don’t have fucking time because my coworker can’t give a fuck enough to fucking come to work on time.
Well, I turn to serve the customer at cash but it’s John Goodman. Not really, but you guys remember the awesome regular who looks a lot like him and bitched at the asshole customer a few rants ago? Yeah, it was him.
John: “Oh no! What’s up, buttercup?”
Me: “I’m feeling really unwell and I really have to go to the washroom but I don’t have time because my coworker is an idiot and comes in late all the time! And I still have to call my other coworker and I’m just freaking out a little bit. I’m so sorry.”
John: “Ok, hon. GO TO THE WASHROOM. I’ll stand here and let customers know that you’re just having some technical difficulties. But seriously, go! Fuck the people in the DT, they can wait!”
I booked it to the washroom as fast as possible and when I came back, John was still standing there, chatting away with the other customers, then he says “They don’t mind waiting, give your coworker a call.”
I honestly wanted to hug the crap out of him. I called Mama Bear and immediately she answered and said “What’s wrong, hon?” Seriously, she has crazy Psychic Mom powers.
Me: “Cunt didn’t show up and I can’t do everything myself and I’m freaking out and just-just-“
Mama Bear: “Oh, sweetie! I’m going to get dressed like a fucker and I’ll be right there! Just breathe!”
I served the other few customers before my manager and Mama Bear came in, then the phone rang. It was Cunt saying “She was going to be late.”
WOW. REALLY? YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY, CAPTAIN RETARDO!
I told her that Mama Bear was already there and hung up, but Cunt still came in. I was still shaking because I was so angry and when I saw her walk in, I had to go outside because I would have flipped at her. She didn’t even have a decent excuse, she just waddled her fat ass in and said “I didn’t feel like getting up this morning.”
NOBODY WANTS TO GET UP AND GO TO FUCKING WORK IN THE MORNING!
When I came back in, Awesome Manager was having a talk with her, but she let me know later that there’s nothing she can do. So basically, in order to get fired, you have to shit in someone’s mouth.
Immediately Cunt starts trying to tell Mama Bear what to do and told her that she shouldn’t have come in and Mama Bear looked right at her and said “Maybe you should get your cow ass here on fucking time so BB doesn’t have to handle the morning rush by herself, you lazy twat.”
I seriously nearly cried out of joy.
And lucky me, tomorrow is my 6th day working in a row and I have to spend it with Cunt. AWESOME. I should just leave when she gets there and say “Sorry, I don’t feel like working.”