Queer Geek Finds Clever Way To Shut Up A Bitchy Custy In Line at The Grocery Store

Queer Geek gets a Retail Balls Award for his quick thinking LOL response to a custy on a tirade in line at the grocery store. Enjoy:

Wazzup RHU!

I wanted to share another one of my high-larious stories in the world of custy (or crusty) service relations! This one takes place in line at my local grocery store.

So here is the situation (and no not that idiot from The Jersey Shore), I had left work, still clad in my office clothes, and shopping for some produce because I am trying to stick to my New Year’s resolution of eating healthy and shedding the beer gut this year.

This was round 5:00 in the evening and the grocery store was packed. Since I had five items in my basket I opted to pay in the express lane.

Understand the register lines were long, including my own, with five people ahead of me and two people behind me. The cashier seemed to be moving pretty fast so I thought no biggie I’ll wait like a good custy until my turn comes up and began reading the tabloid headlines off the checkout stand.

Everything was coming up roses until some grouchy lady in front of me decides to bitch to me her complaints about the grocery store.

Apparently, the customer being service four people ahead had tons of coupons (luckily it wasn’t one of those extreme couponers) and one of them was not scanning properly so it took some time for the cashier to get assistance from a supervisor to finish the transaction.

Everyone in my line was being understanding and patient with the cashier as they tried to rush the line along but the grouch felt the need to throw a tantrum to anyone within earshot. I just happen to be her whipping post for the day. I guess I have that face that says. Air out your grievances and bitch out to me about the world’s problems!

Let’s get one thing clear here RHU. I don’t mind small talking with strangers outside of work as long as it is something agreeable but the last thing I want to deal with is someone I don’t know complaining to me about things that are beyond my control.

Grouch: "I can’t believe this! They should open up another register for their customers! I have been shopping here for many years and the service is always the same! LOUSY! They need to hire people who know what they’re doing! That cashier is incompetent! He should not be on a register! You look like you’re a business man? You agree that they need to better train their people, don’t you? No wonder the economy is bad! People are struggling for jobs and the hire stupid people like him! Don’t you think so?"

She looks at me as I stare at her dumbfounded. 

How was I suppose to respond to her? I mean usually when custys complain to me I’m being paid for it. I don’t give my advice and listen to her problems for free! Therefore I did what any wicked, comical person would do in this situation.

I PLAYED THE RACE CARD!

Yes folks. I DID IT! I PLAYED THE RACE CARD! Queer Geek admits it was a bad thing to commit such a heinous act of dealing my hand of ethnic poker and Hell is certainly holding a private purgatory for me in eternal damnation as a retail slave ringing up endless discounted merchandise and listening to lost custy souls arguing for a refund. However, in my defense, the grouchy lady did put me in between a rock and a hard place.

Technically speaking I am the custy now and I’m just doing what many custys have done since RHU was born. Let me explain how it works. You see RHU, I am a minority and because of my exotic appearance often get mistaken for another ethnicity so obviously the grouch is going to assume that I am exactly what I am impersonating to be. With that in mind, I confused her ignorance by responding to her in a foreign language. Spanish.

Now understand RHU, I am not a native Spanish speaker. I did take the necessary courses in high and college but by no means do I consider myself fluent but I know just enough to survive if I’m visiting a Latin American country like asking where the bathroom is, where I can find a bar, and all the necessary swear words if you happen to get into an argument with a local.

As the grouch began her tirade of the cashier and kept insisting on getting my opinion on the matter, I replied with the following statement in the most kindest, sweetest, friendly shit eating grin ever.

"Lo siento. No hablo ingles cabrona. Callate la boca. Esperar tu turno." (Roughly translated: I’m sorry. I don’t speak English bitch. Shut your mouth! Wait your turn!)

Grouchy old lady realizes her error that she is griping to a (supposed) non-English speaker and embarrassingly mumbles an apology while she stews in line waiting for it to move. (Luckily for me, she does not understand what I just said. If she did, boy would the shit have hit the fan and splatter into some serious dookie!)

Meanwhile, the two customers behind me happened to be native Spanish speakers and began snickering behind the grouchy lady’s back and high fived me with their eyes as they tried to hold back their laughter.

The line eventually moved fairly quickly as grouch finally paid for her groceries and left not knowing what transpired between us.

On the upside, I made one bitchin’ low calorie salad for dinner that was mucho delicioso!

Hasta la vista slaves!

--Queer Geek

 

Comments

[Junior Cheese Wench]

Nah, I don't think this is the race card. Race card is saying "You're only doing this because I'm/you're/they're *Insert Minority Here*!" What YOU did was find an awesome and funny way to disarm an angry custy. Kudos to you, Queer Geek!

[DXKramer]

You win the Internet.

[Kittinix]

^ This x2

[Nick]

*Just applauds you*

[NC Tony]

*standing ovation*

[Book Wench]

*wipes away tear*

Just... just beautiful.

[Lady Red]

-claps- nicely done!

[cashykat]

I think that was awesome! :)

[WMDKitty]

Well played!

[NotLatina]

Nice job!
P.S. *muy delicioso (you said much delicious, not very delicious, as I assume you meant.)

[Queer Geek]

@NotLatina

Thanks for the grammatical correction. Mi espanol needs some work.

[Bitch Boy]

Speaking frankly, it is a lot of fun and Jr. Cheese Wench is right, you didn't really play the race card. You played the bilingual card.

[Opera House Whore]

"Queer Geek uses BILINGUAL. It's super effective!"
:D

[KittyKatzchen]

Bravo! Bravo! Encore!

[ShoeDevil]

Standing ovation and applause!!

[Spider]

*applauds and hugs QG* Bravo, dude. Bravo.

[LaserSpawn]

@Queer Geek: that was some seriously awesome thinking, bro! *high fives*

@Opera House Whore: you just touched the pokemon trainer within me. i <3 you. :D

[MamaZoe]

Certainly effective. +1!! It's just more funny that there were witnesses that understood what happened for the instant positive-feedback! :D

[Photo Badger]

That wasn't the race card, no worries. Just bilingual, which is very acceptable. Also, the way you did that was awesome. A nice "shut up" without offending her.

[Whatever]

OMG that was great just wish it would work while at work and need to get a crusty off your back. very good loved it would rent it again and then by the blu ray

[Gilberta]

I too am interested in your book, I just read the nsposyis on your blog and frankly it sounds fascinating. I'm going to look at how much it is and see if I can afford to get myself a copy if not now soon . I see it is a young adult book and after I read it, I know the perfect Young Adult to give it to my niece (she will be a good judge of it).

[Danish]

Was that balthazar sim? A iaeulstmd Balty? Next it'll be tree sim.Read Birmo's last four books then decided he didn't like the author's work? Then sought him out on the interwebz? Hmmm, that makes as much sense as hitting yourself in the head because it feels better when you stop.

[Leidy]

Out of these two lives, which would be better?Jims life: Being born into a low class failmy with a overly critical mother, born in america, goes to school, above average in class, sometimes bullied, goes to college, meets a girlfriend, gets a career as an accountant, breaks up with his girlfriend after 3 years, occasionally sees close friends, dates girls but nothing long term, retires at 64, travels to Indonesia and saw a lot of asia, then he dies alone from a heart attack, and has a small funeral.Bob: the year is 9382. Bob has no physiological needs or any needs for love or belonging. He considers himself gifted for his absence of needs. At the age of two he's taken away from his parents by the German government. The parents didn't want him because they expected a child with needs for love and belonging. He was replaced with another boy. The germans government straps him into a chair and forces him to play a very realistic video game of life in the year 2011. He plays himself from a third person perspective. The game starts off with him being born. He's considered a genius at 2 months old. He's sent to a school for gifted children funded by the government (The parents didn't have enough money). At the age of fifteen he gets a 4 year degree in pharmacy. He than returns to work when he clearly isn't a genius, just a quick learner. He works 6 days a week happily until at eighteen he becomes a pharmacist. In his free time, he plays rugby, surfs at the beach, visits the gym, and rides his moped to where all the action is He's extremely bold and sometimes he's quite rude. He makes people uncomfortable at times. At the age of thirty he inherits a33000 from his grandparents. At this point he's quite rich. He has a big house and a very nice car. He goes on three week holidays every year. He dates women but never gets married or has kids. By the age of thirty five he moves away to america. By age of fifty he travels the world visiting every country. At the of 57 he dies from skin cancer. He has a very big funeral.

[Ismaila]

Okay, so you go on and on bashing Groupon, never ONCE ssiuegtgng how businesses can more effectively get new customers through the door. Groupon is not a money-maker for businesses, nor should it be thought of as one. ANY business agreeing to do a Groupon should say, Yes, I am going to lose money on this. The ONLY value is in new customer acquisition. That's it that's Groupon's value prop. They don't exist to make businesses money right away it's advertising. If you spent $8,000 on a display ad in the Sunday New York Times and didn't recoup that money DIRECTLY from people who saw the ad and came in would you blame the NYT for corrupting and swindling' your business? Groupon (and sites like them) offer businesses a way to GUARANTEE new customers through their doors, in a way no other form of advertising/marketing can. They do not offer businesses a way to make quick money. Traditional advertising/marketing vs. collective buying websites. I'd take the latter. No contest. Reply

[Gamze]

that my comment is prtety empty. It's empty because I feel like the book is empty on content. If he doesn't land on a position then what can I say about it? I can't agree or disagree. All I can say is, man those are some interesting questions to think about. Any discussion following that would be a discussion in which one makes an opinion and commits to it. And making a decisions and commuting to it was not what I was trying to do in this post.I guess that what I am saying is that I don't need to read a book in which an author does not take a position. I would rather read two books by people from differing perspectives.Can a book that does not land on a particular theological position be beneficial? Absolutely. Maybe Bell's point was, to stir the pot and not land anywhere. I can see how that would get some people to think about this subject. And I don't get what you mean in your last paragraph. Are you saying that Bell's book is helping Christians think for themselves or are you saying that Bell is contributing to the believer's tank of knowledge?

[Kamini]

But. What a prick. Don't you love people who use the net to say tihgns they would never dream of saying to one's face?Well unless they were SO unhinged they didn't give a damn.