Hello everyone, it's Book Wench, reporting in from Wastings hell.
This submission is actually a collaborative effort between myself and one of the awesome department managers-- K-Pax, who starred in one of my previous posts.
K-Pax and I happened to both be working today, and on our smoke break we started swapping crusty stories... which eventually turned into the following list. (Important note: K-Pax and I are both white as the driven snow, in a part of the country where that's actually somewhat unusual-- and boy, does that ever give some of our nastier customers fuel for their entitled, hateful fire.) I present to you, RHU, the Official List of Things That Are Not Racist. Feel free to add on!
Having a bathroom for customers only is not racist.
Having a key for that bathroom is not racist.
Making you pay for the candy you ate IN FRONT OF ME while you were in line is not racist.
Telling you that you can't change your baby's diaper in the aisle is not racist.
Not having the product you want is not racist. 
Offering to special-order you that product is not racist and I really don't understand how you can possibly view it that way.
Not having your special order in the day after you ordered it is not racist. There are over a thousand miles between us and our distribution center, which is not racist either, just really far away.
Kicking you out when you steal is not racist.
Nor is kicking you out when you start a fight with someone else.
Nor is banning you from the store if you do either of the above.
Not giving change without a purchase is not racist.
Sending you up to the front when I don't have enough change in the back register to break your hundred is not racist. I can't go get more change, the manager up front can.
Not letting you pay for fifty-odd dollars of stuff in UNROLLED CHANGE is not racist. Go to a goddamn CoinStar. It's not racist either.
The cop ticketing you for parking in the fire lane is not racist.
I am not racist for refusing to argue with that cop on your behalf.
Late fees are not racist. Pay them.
Asking you to stop your child from opening sealed merchandise is not racist.
Putting things back where you found them is not racist, and I really wish you would start doing it.
Your card getting declined is not racist. Your bank may or may not be racist, I can't speak for them, you need to go have it out with them and not me.
Not letting you have stuff for free is not racist.
No refunds without a receipt is not racist.
Not giving you a full cash refund for what is obviously damaged merchandise is not racist.
Not buying your cracked DVDs, moldy books, and broken XBox is not racist.
Asking for ID is not racist.
Our opening/closing times are not racist and they are not changing any time soon.
It's one a.m. and we've been closed for an hour and I am going the fuck home, and I am not racist for refusing to open up the place to let you grab 'just one thing.'
"No shirt no shoes no service" is not racist.
"No animals" (except for service dogs) is not racist. Your tiny purse rat is clearly not a service dog.
Not giving you my phone number or my schedule is not racist.
Essentially, crustys, sometimes we have to tell you "no," and telling you "no" is not racist. So kindly take your massive sense of entitlement, and your total inability to behave in public, and go fuck off.
PS: That's not racist either.
--Book Wench
I. Totally. Understand. When I worked for the theater, which was in a predominantly non-white area, I heard this a LOT! I can only contribute theater items to the list, though.
Not giving you a refund after you sat through the entire movie is not racist.
Not refilling your non-refillable medium drink is not racist. I told you only the large was refillable.
Not selling your 12 year old hellspawn tickets to a rated R movie is not racist.
Not letting you bring in outside food or drink is not racist.
Not letting you bring in alcohol is not racist.
Not having freshly popped popcorn 5 minutes before concessions closes is not racist.
Oh, I could go on..
Posted by: KittyKatzchen | February 24, 2012 at 03:07 AM
This is probably the best thing I've read the whole month. You had me at "There are over a thousand miles between us and our distribution center, which is not racist either, just really far away."
Posted by: johanna | February 24, 2012 at 03:19 AM
What really annoys me is that when an idjit crusty pulls this ridiculous crap, it makes anyone accusing stores of racism look foolish. Then when a store DOES do something racist, like refusing to serve nonwhite customers while serving white ones in the identical situation [and having that be repeated often enough to be a clear pattern], no one believes the accusations because they think, "Oh, it's just another idjit playing the race card, like all the other times." Save that kind of accusation for when it's actually true, please!
BTW, it's just about never true. Stores will gladly take money from people of any skin tone. No one ever questions the color of a dollar bill.
Posted by: The Last Archimedean | February 24, 2012 at 03:21 AM
I'm biased towards the color green, does that make me racist?
Posted by: Ted the 'Flayer | February 24, 2012 at 04:32 AM
Ok, 'Your bank may or may not be racist' actually made me laugh out loud. Those darn racist banks! You're never quite sure!
Posted by: Hedgehog | February 24, 2012 at 04:57 AM
Love this so much I want to hug it and squeeze it and call it George...
Posted by: Stockroom Slave | February 24, 2012 at 05:12 AM
@ Stockroom Slave: You win for that reference.
That comment was not racist.
I have another one. Asking you to not jumble lipgloss which you JUST TRIED ON IN FRONT OF ME with a whole bunch of other things you're not buying so we can throw that particular one away is not racist....its just sanitary.
Yes, this actually happened. A person USED lip gloss in front of me and then left it in a pile of other lip glosses she wasn't buying (I'm a guy, I can't tell the difference between rouge and red...yes thats intentional).
Posted by: Cartman | February 24, 2012 at 05:40 AM
Asking you if you need any help is not racist, it's just me doing my job.
Not asking you if you need any help is not racist, it just means I am with another customer (who was speaking before you interrupted her).
Posted by: Aisle-Standing | February 24, 2012 at 06:58 AM
Aisle-Standing: oooh, I like that last one. People do that to me ALL THE TIME, and they always get so annoyed when I tell them that I'm sorry, but I'm helping someone else right then. I'm sure if someone tried to cut in when THEY were talking to me they'd flip their shit... in fact, I am sure, because I've seen it happen!
Posted by: Book Wench | February 24, 2012 at 09:56 AM
Love and agree with all the above! :) Can we print these out and put them by our registers/counters?
Posted by: trekkiebabe31 | February 24, 2012 at 10:18 AM
Refusing to check your three carts of food stamp groceries before the card is loaded at midnight is not racist.It's store policy, we've had too many people "forget to pay" when we ring them out.
Refusing to check your two carts of food stamp groceries "really slow" so they don't finish until after midnight when the card is loaded is not racist. Especially when you come up 45 minutes before midnight.
Refusing to check your fully packed grocery cart on the self check register is not racist, even if I did take someone of another race. You have too many items, the self check register is even smaller than the 15 items or less lane. The store policy of not having an open register at night may or may not be racist, but as all of our management is made up of minorities you'll find that accusation hard to make stick.
Posted by: Grendus the Former Self Check Guy | February 24, 2012 at 10:54 AM
Asking if you would like your few small items bagged is not racist...
Best post in forever! I think I may print it and forget it in the breakroom :)
Posted by: KattyBitch | February 24, 2012 at 11:18 AM
Anyone who arbitrarily uses the race (or gender, or orientation, or creed, or econ status, etc) card is doing a great disservice to the people who historically had a real reason for using it.
Posted by: penneyslut | February 24, 2012 at 01:14 PM
I think this post and the responses covers it all pretty well! Wish someone would publish a pamphlet with all this handy information in it!
Posted by: L | February 24, 2012 at 01:16 PM
Someone write a booooooooooook!
Posted by: KittyKatzchen | February 24, 2012 at 02:15 PM
@Grendus: If the store does not have an open register, and you are checking one race but not another at the self-check, then I think you AND your managers need to take a very close look at your practices. What you are saying is, "You can't buy anything at this store at this time," and any semi-competent attorney could have a field day with this. Appearances matter; LOOKING discriminatory is as bad as BEING discriminatory.
Posted by: chris | February 24, 2012 at 03:26 PM
My friend's step-grandfather is black and just loooooves calling out people playing the race card. He talks/yells at them for ten minutes about the real racism that he experienced in the 60s. (Including ending up in the hospital because some skinheads didn't like the color of his skin.) They shut up real quick. I was thrilled when I got to see it in person.
Posted by: Aunty | February 24, 2012 at 03:38 PM
This is the best thing I have seen in so long. Thank you for this list. I am so tempted to print this out and post it by the cash register.
Posted by: Drive-off Dramaqueen | February 24, 2012 at 07:52 PM
"No animals" (except for service dogs) is not racist. Your tiny purse rat is clearly not a service dog.
Just so you know, Service Dogs come in all breeds, including Chihuahua, Miniature Pincher, Shih-Tzu, and Miniature (teacup) Poodles. They are capable of being medical alert or allergen detection (like peanuts) dogs. It should however be well-groomed, odor free, housebroken and well behaved. In restaurants, it should NOT be sitting on the seat, and should NEVER EVER have its head or worse yet, feet on the table.
It is NOT racist to ask:
1) Is it a Service Dog?
2) What tasks or service does it perform?
These are the two questions permitted by the ADA. Asking specifically what a person's disability is or requiring proof by "certification" or "registration" (except by State or local laws) is illegal.
Simply giving comfort is NOT a task. That makes it an Emotional Support Animal and should NOT have public access.
Posted by: Humor_Me | February 24, 2012 at 08:33 PM
Service chihuahuas? You are definitely the expert here, but I am a little curious as to how that would work out.
Posted by: Book Wench | February 24, 2012 at 10:13 PM
Humor me wins for the most comprehensive answer.
All I can add is my usual:
http://www.nolo.com/
Posted by: Joie Aimee | February 24, 2012 at 11:06 PM
@Humor Me -- Uh, I'm having a very hard time imagining what kind of "service" a carnivorous Mexican rat (often mistaken for a small dog, and marketed as "Chihuahas") can provide.
Th'fuck's it gonna do? Those tiny little things 'll fall over or blow away at the slightest breeze!
Posted by: WMDKitty | February 24, 2012 at 11:36 PM
@wmdkitty: even ankle-biter dogs can be "hearing ears," alerting their deaf or hard-of-hearing owners to alarm clocks, sirens, whistles, telephones, etc. I read a story awhile back about a Chihuahua that was trained to recognize certain allergens (like latex) and warn the owner before he came in contact and suffered anaphylactic shock. There are now dogs that are "diabetes alert" animals--they can sense when their owner's blood sugar is entering dangerous territory. There's also been some research and testing on seizure-predicting dogs, and medical alert dogs like that don't need to be very big.
Posted by: chris | February 25, 2012 at 12:05 AM
@WMDKitty Oooo I know why they can be.
Dogs can be trained to recognise certain warning signs for a variety of medical conditions. Oncoming diabetic coma/epileptic seisure etc. They can be real life savers.
Posted by: TechDeath | February 25, 2012 at 12:06 AM
So true!
I'm originally from a city where whites are the minority as well, and I know that the reason customers do this is just because they can accuse someone of another race of racism when told 'no'
However, I always wondered what they tell themselves to justify it in their mind when they hear the same answer from any of the 50,000 or so retail employees in the area who are the same race as them?
Posted by: Chicajojobe | February 25, 2012 at 06:16 AM
@Humor_Me,
True, but I doubt the OPs were mistaken in this case.
I saw a Mexican Hairless service dog once. It was basically a live heating pad for a woman who had fibromyalgia. However, even it wore a service dog vest like any every service Labrador does.
My guess would be that the custy simply thought the OPs were as stupid as she was.
Posted by: Chicajojobe | February 25, 2012 at 06:20 AM
Yeah, the dog in question was LITERALLY riding in a purse, and yipping its fool head off at the novelty of being in a store! near strange people! who are making noises it doesn't understand!
We do have people come in with service dogs all the time-- I've never personally seen one smaller than a dachshund, but again, Humor_Me is for sure the expert-- and they are always very calm and stable and obviously well-trained. Even if it's not wearing a vest, I will give an animal the benefit of the doubt if it is well-behaved.
Posted by: Book Wench | February 25, 2012 at 09:17 AM
Just because the dog is small doesn't mean it can't be used as a service dog. Some people might need a smaller dog because they can't handle a larger one, or they don't live in a big house or flat. It doesn't matter the breed, they can all be trained the same way.
Posted by: Elly-Rose | February 25, 2012 at 10:21 AM
I'll admit it! I'm a speciest! I'm prejudice against all species of stupid people!
Posted by: Queer Geek | February 25, 2012 at 07:25 PM
Book Wench: You had every right to kick the dog out then. Just because it isn't hitting the floor doesn't make it a danger to those of us with REAL SDs. We make sure our animals are vaccinated even if it means we don't do something else. Our dogs are our lives. If someone brings in their pet that isn't vaccinated, clean, well-behaved, yadda, yadda, yadda... it not only makes future teams look bad but then we actually do have to worry about what their dog has left behind (like parvo which can survive for years!).
And to everyone else who wondered: Yes, even purse rats "can" be SDs. As stated, hearing alert, diabetes alert, allergen alert, some neurological disorders, and even PTSD dogs that can do pressure work, lick someone if they go into a state where they hallucinate, or remind them to take medication. All of their tasks must trained (or a natural alert) for an individual.
I'll be the first to admit I'm not the biggest fan of small dogs. I have met too many either not trained "...because if I discipline it, I might hurt it!" or "Isn't it cute?" while the dog is barking, growling, and showing teeth. Ummm... NO, it's NOT cute. You just made your dog yet another stereotypical "ankle-biter". On the other hand, I have met a few well-behaved small dogs and have commended the owners for their work. I actually met someone who had an obedience champion Yorkshire Terrier : - D
Posted by: Humor_Me | February 25, 2012 at 08:39 PM
Aren't all service dogs, purse rat or no, supposed to be wearing the vests though?
(segue)
Being out of the brand of cigarettes you want the day before the truck comes is not racist. If you then tell me that the store down the street has them, AND they're cheaper there, I will give you my best wide-eyed innocent look and ask why you're in here, then.
That got him yowling about how the whole store was racist (although when I asked how tile, potato chips and slurpees could be racist, I didn't get an answer) and how I hated him because he was black.
"I don't hate you because you're black. I hate you because you're being a dick. I couldn't care less that you're black."
(silence...intake of breath; and a little old lady behind him starts applauding. He goes to turn on her and realizes that SHE'S black too, and you can visibly see his big guns wilt. He slinks out of the store. I 'forgot' to charge her for some of her stuff.)
(segue)
I was sitting in my mechanic's office one day when some clown came in and was asking questions about the cars on the lot for sale. So far, so good. How much was this one, how much was that one, can you give me a deal on this, can you give it to me for free?
"We don't have free cars."
"You alls is racist!"
(The two of us (the owner of the shop and myself) sat there and stared at him for 30 seconds or so, then I burst out into laughter and the owner told him to get lost and come back when he understands the concept of 'business'.
Posted by: TechTiger | February 26, 2012 at 09:47 PM
"Aren't all service dogs, purse rat or no, supposed to be wearing the vests though? "
no
it is custom to buy a harness or vest for your service dog because it makes it easier to deal with the bureaucracy. there is no mandate that they must have one.
unless
the exception is that certain tasks NEED a harness, like my dog is a mobility assist dog and i need a grab handle if i fall or need help getting up, so she wears a harness with a handle...
but if i had a diabetes alert dog she wouldn't NEED a harness unless i expected her to carry my meds.
it sure makes life a lot EASIER when you have a harness, but even then you get people declaring that if "you are not blind you don't have a real service dog" or "that size dog cant be a real service dog" or whatever.
and sad to say there are a LOT of places that actually advise people to break the law and claim their pet as a SD, (and sell them vests) which makes life that much harder for those of us with a REAL need for a dog.
Posted by: kirsten | February 27, 2012 at 09:50 AM
This is the best post I've seen regarding cashiers/customer service in a long time. I love that you included "IDing you is not racist" because I get that the most. My store has strict policies on iding and selling alcohol, so people tend to get upset. Best ever though? A white guy, telling me (who is also white, along with the entire staff working at the time) that we were racist for not accepting his paper ID. Priceless. I didn't even know how to respond. After he stormed out, my coworkers and I had a good laugh.
P.S. We will accept paper IDs if you have a punched plastic one as proof because paper ids are easier to fabricate.
Posted by: RainbowSlave | March 04, 2012 at 06:35 PM
Disney in general is raisct, I'll give you that.But if Pocahontas is raisct, then maybe that's where the allegations that Avatar is as well are coming from: The fact that it's a rewrite.Just so you know, I'm not saying the movie was terrible- there were several things about it I liked, such as the time spent developing Jake's character, and how he eventually began to question which life was right, which was the dream. I also liked how it was confounded by his continuing to work for the military to gain ground against the Na'vi.Really, I just find the whole Pocahontas rewrite thing more funny than disappointing. My only other regret is that the Na'vi movement animation was stiffer than it should have been.
Posted by: Quital | May 16, 2012 at 09:16 PM