The Brit's Double Trouble Coworker Hell

Howdy.

Life kinda has a way of grabbing you, shaking you around for a bit, then depositing you back on the ground.  It's been an awful long time since I posted and I'm sorry for that.  I had a lot of personal shit going down, plus working almost fulltime, so not an awful lot of time for me to post.  So this one will hopefully make up for that.

Mountaineer's is two things simultaneously; it is a sort-of upscale grocery store that attracts a fairly affluent and elderly crowd, and it is a shithole that shouldn't be shopped in for a variety of reasons.  That being said, here is my story.

I work with two very stupid people.  The first one is Bitch, because all he does is whine, piss and moan about Mountaineer's.  He's been here for about 2 years now, and ceased to care probably around about when he got into the union.  His main complaint is about the fact that the meat department has  a hole in the wall.  Apparently he's been on about this damn hole for a long time, and everyone is sick of it.  Fortunately, Bitch had a solution to this hole-y problem a while ago!  A fantastic solution!

Well, the first thing he did was put a plywood board over the hole.  Problem solved, right?  Oh no.  When Bitch fixes something, he goes one step beyond.  HE WOULD TAKE THE PLYWOOD OFF AND FILL THE HOLE WITH DISCARDED MEAT.  This went on for MONTHS before he finally stopped.  His reasoning for doing this stupid thing?  So that corporate would notice the stench and repair it.  Did they?  No.  Corporate doesn't even fucking come in this store.  He made a couple people sick for no reason.  Fucking dumbass.

The second person is quite possibly the worst person I have ever worked with.  Worse than Special Snowflake.  Worse than Emo Barbie.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Queen of the Cunthammers, the Duchess of Douchecanoes, the Twatmonkey herself....Lazy-ass Slutbucket, Slutbucket for short.  She is appalling in every way possible.  Let's back this train up for a second.

It's my second day.  The Brit is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, happy to be working after a month's hiatus, and she greets every new co-worker with a big smile and cheerfulness.  Then the lights flicker.  Thunder rolls in the background as she approacheth.  Babies scream, the elderly clutch their hearts, for it is she, SLUTBUCKET, coming in for another day of doom and dismay.  She doesn't even meet my eye as she brushes past me and begins her agonizingly slow work at the gourmet station.  And that is how it has been.  EVERY. FUCKING. SHIFT.  This girl (well, she's 30, so she's technically a woman but whatever) spends eight and a half hours on something that takes other people two.  And that is all she does!  All she thinks she needs to do!  Once we were backed right the hell up with people.  

It was just me on the counter since everyone but Slutbucket was on lunch or break, and I had probably five customers breathing down my neck and giving me the hairy eyeball for not serving them straightaway, as customers do when they're rich and entitled.  I turn casually to Slutbucket and say "hey, can you help me with customers?"  She doesn't even glance up, just keeping chopping broccoli at the same rate that glaciers move in the Arctic.  I raise my voice a little and repeat myself, in case she didn't hear me, but no, she keeps on keepin' on.  At that point I'm annoyed, and all but shout "SLUTBUCKET I NEED SOME HELP WITH THESE CUSTOMERS SO CAN YOU PLEASE STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND HELP ME KTHXBAI."  She glares at me (well, in my direction, she still has never met my eyes) and snaps "Can I help who's next" at some poor sod who just wanted some chicken.  

Not only is she a lazy fart, but she is also the break police.  I went on break a little earlier than usual one day because I was tired and hadn't had much sleep the night before so a nice sit-down was in order, and I came back to her literally screaming at me.  "BRIT YOU NEED TO TELL PEOPLE BEFORE YOU GO ON BREAK BECAUSE THEY MIGHT WANT TO GO ON BREAK TOO AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT."  At this point, it's been about four weeks of me putting up with her bullshit, her constant bad attitude, her gossiping bitchiness with Bitch and her passive-aggressiveness in her dealings with my co-workers, and I finally snapped.

"IT WASN'T EXACTLY A SECRET, SLUTBUCKET.  I ASKED THE MEATCUTTER AND HE SAID IT WAS FINE.  NEXT TIME I'LL ANNOUNCE IT WITH A MARCHING BAND."  

Then I went about my business.  She punished me for that, though.  It was a Sunday...a Sunday on which sales were ending.  We were PACKED.  So when Thespian and my other co-worker who I will dub "Dude" (he really likes his mary-jane) went on break and it was just me and someone else, she smiled her smug little smile, took off her apron AND WENT ON BREAK.  WITHOUT A FUCKING WORD.  God I hate that bitch.

I have so many more stories.  I'll try and post again soon.

Love, kisses, and please God don't let me hurt this woman, it's a crime,

--TheBrit

 

Comments

[KittyKatzchen]

How the fuck does this bitch still have a job?

[The Last Archimedean]

Tell your supervisor the SB needs to work faster. If she can't get done in 8 hours what takes other people 2 she shouldn't be employed. And if your supervisor doesn't do anything, go to their boss, and so on. I'm sure someone on the food chain will take notice, since bosses hate "inefficient" workers.

[TheBrit]

It's the strangest thing...people seem to be AFRAID of her! She's worked there for 10 years and no one says "boo" to her.

[NC Tony]

It's time for the three D's of RHU.

Say it with me...

DOCUMENT.
DOCUMENT.
DOCUMENT.

Keep track of every shitty thing she does and kick it up the management ladder. Unless she's got something on the higher ups someone is bound to do something if you keep letting them know that she's doing fuck all and acting like it's a major inconvenience for her to do the job she was hired for. If all else fails I'm sure your fellow RHUers would be willing to give you tips on ways to get back at her (maybe even driving her to quit).

[Harmsway]

I came wondering how on earth she ain't been moved on yet, but then I saw the line about 10 years in your comment. I've been in retail long enough (sigh) to have seen this over and over again. The useless employee who's been there long enough to see themselves as unsackable and the management structure who can't/won't correct this misinterpretation because of sheer inertia. I'm going to take a wild guess that she's contracted to an incredible number of hours per week that they can't find any other way of covering?

[BPFH]

Okay... because of various comments you've made in your posting history, I'm fairly sure I know exactly which Mountaineers you work at.

No offence (and certainly not because of you), but I think I'll avoid shopping there, except maybe to raid the beer coolers at the front from time to time - there's definitely some obscure ones up there. The fact that "Bitch" doesn't seem to have been fired when what he was doing with the hole in the wall became apparent...

@Harmsway: I live not too far from where TheBrit works. Believe me, in this state they could find someone to fill Slutbucket's position. Easily. The only thing I can think of (given TheBrit's references to a union) is that the managers think something in the union bargaining agreement would prevent them from canning Slutbucket.

[Andressa]

Hey Mayor Bloomberg.That hissing sound you're hreniag right now is the sound of the air beiing let out of your political career. You might want to begin making arrangements for your retirement. I think like your buddy Rick Perry, you just had your OOPS moment.Next time try reading the Constitution before trying to deny the people their civil rights. In the face of the financial tyranny perpetrated by Wall Street, it is not only our right to speak out, it is our RESPONSIBILITY.