BookAce's coworker gets a Badass Retail Slave award for her clever parting words to some real douchebag custys:
I would like to recognize one of my co-workers for making a closing from hell into something awesome.
Friday night, me, Cool Boss, and a new girl who I’ll call River were closing. It was a fairly pleasant night; I really like River and Cool Boss is my favorite closer, and I was looking forward to having the next day off.
About two hours before the store closes, three men came in wanting blueprints made. Of course their PDFs had the blueprints at a weird size, and I wasted quite a bit of time and paper trying to make them print a normal way (I wasn’t successful.) They took the samples with them and told me they’d call or come back in later once they decided on a size. I just said okay and hoped maybe they’d forget to, because I was really busy and they were, frankly, kind of jerks. Cool Boss made a point of telling them our closing time, so that if they did come back they'd know.
They called about an hour before the store closed to say that they wanted one more size to try and would be right over. Ten minutes pass…twenty…thirty…fifty…and I begin to assume they just decided to come in the next day. NOPE.
At exactly three minutes before we closed, they walk in. But that’s okay, they just want one more print, right? NOPE AGAIN. They want me to print out all 15 blueprints. Two copies of each. With our hugeass printer that takes practically five minutes per page to print and that is dangerously low on paper.
We told them we were closing, but to no avail. They needed those prints TODAY. Of course they do. Could they maybe take one set now and do the next tomorrow? Nope, they need them both right then. I point out how long it will take. They tell me it doesn’t matter how long it takes, they don’t have anywhere to be! (Well how nice for you. I guess that means none of us have anywhere to be either.) We're not allowed to tell a customer no, and so it begun.
Now RHU, I can understand that emergencies happen. Maybe they did need them that night. Maybe there was no way they could have them done in the morning. But if I was in this position, I’d be offering to go buy the slaves drinks, food, I’d offer to help sweep, anything. I cannot fathom the amount of douchebaggery it takes to not feel bad when you’re keeping the store slaves from closing up and going home.
And these three turned out to be douchebags all right. It was bad enough that they kept making lame comments, (“Oh, it’s Friday night, it’s party time! Hey, at least this means you’ll have one less drink tonight!” and "Hey, you should smile, now you'll get a little extra money!"), but they also kept giving us these sleazy looks and kept stopping us from doing normal end-of-day stuff like garbage and cleaning to ask us for things. They tried to get me to trim the prints down for them, which I admit I was kind of a bitch at this point, and just ignored them and walked away.
Turns out they were even worse than I thought! They had been conversing in Spanish amongst themselves the whole time. River, as it happens, is fluent in Spanish, but she doesn’t look it.
These dickwads were standing there saying things like, “These women are so rude, they act like they’ve got somewhere to go.” (IT’S FUCKING FRIDAY NIGHT YOU FOUL-ASSED DICKBRAINS.) and “Oh, haha, I should ask that one if she wants to have dinner with me!” *leer* (FUCKING EW, CREEPER.)
An hour and a half after closing, they were finally finished. They go to pay, and then the leader of the asshats tries to claim I never told him the right price. Earlier I told him the price for the blueprints, and he tries to claim I told him HALF that! HELL. NO. I stared straight into his eyes at this point and said slowly and coldly, “I told you [price]. They are [price]. I told you this earlier. I never told you any other.”
So now it’s late, we’re all tired and cranky and pissed off and frankly slightly creeped out about having spent an hour and a half in the store with these creepers who had been making crude comments about us in a language they thought we didn’t know. And River, I swear to god, does the best thing ever. As we’re letting them out the door, she waves and calls to them sweetly, in perfect Spanish, “Thank you, have a good night!”
It was priceless. They stopped dead, spun around with their jaws dropping, and exclaimed, “You speak Spanish?!”
Cool Boss and I were practically rolling on the floor laughing at their expressions. They hurried off into the night and we were finally allowed to count the last drawer, do the closing paperwork and leave.
Had I been closing with anyone else, it would have been the closing from hell. But I actually had some fun hanging out with Cool Boss and River. (Cool Boss didn't want to leave the two of us alone with the guys, so we three stuck together and played Angry Birds on the demo e-reader and ate chips while we waited). And I would like to nominate River for either a badass slave award or a retail balls award. (Whichever one you feel is applicable!) Purely for the satisfaction I felt from seeing her shut those scumbuckets straight up and send them scurrying off in embarrassment. That made the whole night.