Joe's Footwear Hell: Weird Custys and The Trials of Shoe Dating

Hello all!

Well, there's nothing like nursing a case of the flu to make one's mind wander. What I thought was an allergic reaction to the un-GODLY amounts of pollen the trees here in the Metro D.C. area have been producing, turned into the full-scale chills/fever/coughing flu over the weekend. The fever has also produced some really bizarre dreams, like the one where I was catching a fly-ball from 300 feet ABOVE the stadium and then looked down and, like Wile E. Coyote, realized where I was and plummeted.

Anyway, as weird as that is, it can't compare with some of the custys I've had to deal with at work.

How weird you ask?

How about the woman who called the store to order an item. We had determined that we had the size and color in stock and all that when I asked her what credit card she wanted to use.

"What do you mean?"

"Will this be MasterCard, Visa, American Express...?"

"I don't know what you're talking about! I have the cash right here."

"Ma'am, you understand we can't accept cash over the phone."

"Well why NOT?"

And it went downhill from there. My manager had to get on the phone and politely explain that we couldn't ship merchandise for a PROMISE of future cash payment. The woman said she was going to take her business elsewhere.

*

Or how about the guy who wandered into the footwear department.

After saying he was "just looking", he picked up various shoes and boots and then waved me over. He held up a women's ballet flat in taupe suede and asked, "Do you have this in size 10?"

I got the shoes from the back, handed the box to him and asked if there was anything else I could do for him.

"Wait a minute", he said. "These are WOMEN'S shoes!"

"Yes sir."

"You think I wear WOMEN'S shoes?! You think I'm some kind of FAGGOT?!"

"No sir, I merely got the shoes you asked for."

"Well you KEEP your goddamn fairy shoes!"

And he stormed out. My co-worker asked what happened.

"I'm damned if I know!"

*

Now I told you that story so I could tell you this: for years, shows like "Sex In The City" put forth the idea that women don't just love shoes, they LOOOVE shoes. After working in the footwear department for some time, I can definitely vouch for that. And like a love affair with a living, breathing person, a love affair with shoes goes through similar stages

STAGE ONE: THE KA-BOOM
This is the stage where your eyes first fall on them. OMG! You realize you're staring and quickly look away. Then you scan the room to see if any other woman has HER eye on them. You think how perfect they'd look with (whatever). You imagine how jealous all your friends and co-workers will be.

STAGE TWO: GETTING TO KNOW YOU
You nonchalantly move in closer. Don't let anyone know you're interested...yet. Take advantage of this time to count the ceiling tiles or update the apps on your iPhone. Scan the object of your affection quickly. Are you all warm and fuzzy? Good!

STAGE THREE: FIRST DATE
"This is going to be so perfect", you say to yourself. Wait for the salesclerk to come to YOU, so you don't look too eager.

"Would you happen to have these in a 7", you ask. "I'll check", he says. Moments later, there they are...in YOUR hands! Once again, you don't want to look TOO interested, so you let the salesclerk open the box, unwrap them and get that wadded-up paper out of the toe. You dismiss the retail slave because this part is "personal", capiche? You gingerly try on one and then the other. Now you're ACTUALLY in contact with them! "This is SO going to work", you think. From here, things either rapidly progress to

STAGE FOUR: TRUE LOVE

or...

STAGE FOUR-POINT-OH: DEEP, ABIDING HATRED
"Shit! They rub my heel!" or "They've got NO arch support!" or "They're not LEATHER?!" or "I'm not buying anything made in China!"

This is the stage where what started out as infatuation, turns to shit. Now, you just don't care anymore. To that end, you toss them onto the floor. Box and wrapping be damned! Let the salesclerk put that paper wadding back in the toe! Your heart is broken, dammit! You realize it's time to go.

...and the dance goes on.
Peace.

-- Joe the Cigar Guy

Comments

[The Last Archimedean]

Must be a recessive gene on the X chromosome. I own exactly 2 pairs of shoes, one for working and one for any other time.

But hey, it keeps the showe stores in business and the RHU'ers and other slaves at those stores employed. Can't complain on that score.

But I do hope you at least ask the women who reach the deep and abiding hatred phase to not get violent.

[Chicajojobe]

@The Last Archimedean,

You own two pairs of shoes?

How do you even manage that? I have wide boat feet, so for anything other than sandals I have to get the special brands like New Balance and Dansko, but even I own at least 10 pairs.

[Queer Geek]

Oh man I have dealt with these custys in a past life!

[fedora]

3 [airs, boots for formal, running shoes for everything, and flip-flops for lazy days. I don't get the obsessiveness.

As a custy though, I love shoe store guys. They're really helpful for people with weird shoes sizes. And we try to put everything back in the box as we found it. I don't understand why people just through that stuff everywhere! It's so rude...

[Hellbound Alleee]

That first guy was definitely a closet-case who wanted to hold the shoes, and then make the case that he was the biggest, most macho straight man ever. I deal with those types all the time. Church and family, friends. Church and family, the foundation of this.

[The Last Archimedean]

Chica, you have 10 pairs? What do you need 'em for?

I have 1 for work and one for non-work. And whenever possible I don't encase my feet in those clodhoppers at all, I hate the feel of shoes in general.

[Pet_Slinger]

I will admit I have a bit of a shoe love. I think I own like 20+ pairs of shoes.

[candieaddict]

Uhm, as a girl, I only really have like 3 pairs of shoes. Sneakers that I wear all the time, slippers, and a pair of flip flops. That's it. I'm not obsessed at all with shoes. Shoe shopping, and clothes shopping for that matter, bores me to tears lol

[Spider]

Maybe 5? And two of them I never wear. No idea why you'd have that many.

[Chicajojobe]

@Archimedean,

Well...I get the only having one pair for work part. However, the one pair for non-work is what I don't get. I mean non-work encompasses many different activities.

I have one pair of purely dress heels, which isn't at lot for a woman really.
I have a second pair of heels that can double for dressy special occasions, but I actually bought as dance shoes.
I have about 4 pairs of sandals. Two are cheap Old Slavery flip flops, one is pair of river waders from Bass Pro Shops, and the third is a dressy sandal.
One pair of old ratty sneakers that I'd wear if I were expecting to be in a situation where my shoes might get muddy.
I have pair of flats for if I need to dress nicely, but don't want to have to wear heels all day.
I have two pairs of quality sneakers. One I wear for exercising, and the other I wear to work because they're older so I don't care as much if I spill chemicals on them.

I also go barefoot at home, and am not a big fan of the feeling of wearing shoes but I also wish I had more because I do like matching them to my outfits.

[TechDeath]

I have a pair of work shoes, sneakers, and going out shoes.

[trekkiebabe31]

I love shoes as well, have them ranging from cheap flip flops to nice semi heels and loafers, about ten pairs, but I wear them until they're worn out or go insanely out of style.

Hellbound, I'm so sorry for whoever turned you against Christians, it makes me mad when I get the rude custys who are wearing crosses or buying stuff for church because it makes the rest of us look bad.

[Teresa]

Right now I have 1 pair of shoes... tevas. They are so comfy you can wear them all the time. Luckily, my current employer is cool with that.

[TechTiger]

I have one pair of steel toed work boots that I wear everywhere. Work, not-work, etc. And one pair of the cheapest, rattiest most on-sale hotboxes from Hellmart with velcro closures I bought to only wear when flying because the boots are kind of a pain in the ass to take on and off. Surprisingly, they fit my giant pod-feet (13 EEE) reasonably well, although the soles are so soft it's uncomfortable to drive with them. The clutch pedal seems to jam up between the bones...

[KattyBitch]

I'm a shoe whore. I probably own around 30 pairs and some of them haven't even been worn. Simply pride of ownership lol

[BookishGirl]

I'm a woman who HATES shopping for clothes and shoes. In; find something quickly; out again. Or make my husband do it for me. I just don't understand the fascination with shopping that is ascribed to females. Unless it's for books - different matter then!

[Omar]

So b sim, do you have a *right* to take out your personal shit on plpeoe? No, you don't, but because you make an excellent study in human nature and the internet , one can't complain too much; thanks for the useful information.

[TechTiger]

Omar, you might want to look into a little thing called the Constitution. It's pretty popular in the US.

Read what the site is about. Then ask yourself the question again. In any case, do YOU have the 'right' to tell people they can't do something on a privately run forum?

[Raymundo]

BobJanuary 27, 2011If you take your ecommerce buseinss seriously and aren't just looking for a cart system alone, you really should not use these Retail Star / iStar guys.I recommend going to a custom setup that integrates with your POS hire someone experienced with seo-friendly ecommerce and internet marketing, social media, etc.

[Jibril]

There are two issues cited here. One is trianing which is on going every day in retail and the other is theft again going on daily. I'd like to comment on the theft aspect.In a like study published by the University of Florida's Dr. Richard Hollinger, apparel, specifically shoes, was the hardest hit shrinkage sector. But regardless of the technology of POS, RFID, Auto replenishment, and Sensormatic, the human element is the most difficult to manage.Retailers, including they supply chain, suffer enormous losses to employee theft and shoplifting. Walmart's shrink last year was around 1% or $3B! The manner in which most retailers guard their merchandise is through Loss Prevention however that staffing is small and continues to decline in allocated payroll. Therefore that leaves everyone else to protect assets. When was the last time you saw an actual stop of someone based on a Sensormatic alarm? Employees are afraid to make those stops for many reasons but primarily because it is dangerous. There is some deterrent value but that is declining as well. Tags are not a deterrent to even the amature pros. Booster bags are too easy to make that shield the antenna. It truly is catch as catch can. RFID would help only is as much as a retailer could know exactly what was stolen and when. At least the information could serve a greater purpose in merchandise security.From the distribution side, service levels to stores is not necessarily impacted by shrink. Simply, they are out of stock too and stores can't get the merchandise. Stores always blame the distribution centers for their out of stock condition when it's more the issue of how goods are ordered. Don't get me started on the buyer's accountability on top of that.Bringing store operations and distribution together is a great idea but education, not policing, is the answer. That brings us back to the human aspect. Controls are managed by humans and not technology. The better approach, in my experience, is to bring the store people to the distribution centers for trianing and awareness. That exposure heals a lot of problems.The issues have not changed over time but the solutions to address them have. Their level of effectiveness is only as good as the people managing the process. Take some time to learn about Organized Retail Crime too. That will shock you.Pat MurphyPresidentLPT Security Consulting

[ConCo]

The Sampler in Islington and South Kensington in London is surely (one of) the way faorrwd? The concept is deceptively simple: it is effectively a cellar door for the wines they carry. But giving customers the chance to taste up to 80 wines, and also rare and aged wines, makes it a peerless retail experience. The key to making it work? Enomatic machines

[Adrian]

Waaaah! He looks like my Leia, too! Except Leia has white feet. What is life without a furry frnied?

[Ebrahem]

I'm preparing some more beannrs (main-banner) and I added all the Google-Adsense code to the openads installation. I do not use the upgraded' phpads/openads installation anymore but installed the new version. (see openads 2.3 hell)

[goyard replica wallet]

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