Day From Retail Hell: RHUer Needs Advice Regarding Custy Sexual Harrassment

Hi again RHU,

I've been seen on here before but it was well over a year ago and since then I have changed jobs 2 times. So now you can just call me Click, as I'm a hobby photographer. My job though is definitely not related to my name.... I'm a cashier in a local grocery store. Whoo! 

I have 2 different things to share, one a pretty shocking story and one an equally shocking story but with a disgusting problem and a question. Both of these things happened earlier today. (Normally things are NOT this insane keep in mind.)

First the story...

It all began when a lady came through my line looking really upset. Being the empathetic cashier I am I ask her if she's okay and she says no, a worker was really rude to her and we really need to do something about the extension cords in produce. As I can see she's pretty pissed so I'm trying to be tactful and start asking her questions.

We're pretty anal about shit being in the floor so I know that needs to go and I don't like rude coworkers AT ALL. Either do your job or gtfo! I do all the time and I'm sick as a dog at the moment. In the middle of asking her where about the extension cord was her 18 month old daughter who has been silently sitting in the buggy turns to look at me and there is a giant bruise on her forehead about the size of a 50 cent piece. I can literally SEE the lump forming.

Naturally this panics the holy fuck out of me and I immediately ask her how that happened! Apparently the extension cords got wrapped around the wheels of her buggy and  her daughter flipped out and landed on her head. HOLY SHIT. Want to know what the fucking coworker that saw this happen said when she said they should move the cords? "Well there's a sign *points to wet floor sign a few feet away* maybe you should watch where you walk!"

OH HELL NO. a baby just cracked her brain on our floor and you're just going to tell her to watch her step and walk away??? We have serious rules about shit in the floor. Also we have even more serious rules about accidents. So I call my manager who calls the store manager.

Needless to say she didn't want to file an accident report because she wasn't blaming *us* as a whole just the dick weed in produce. We get a description, figure out which worker it it was and SHOCKER!! It's the damn produce department manager! He's supposed to be the guy who keeps shit in line. The leader. Wow. I just don't know anymore...

But I don't know what happened from there. . . It's not his first offense. Guess I'll find out if I quit seeing him around. I was just so pissed though I could barely function the rest of my shift. Also God bless that mother. She kept her composure and was so nice the entire time. I hope her baby is ok <3

Now for the question....

About a month ago I had an older man (probably in his late 60s early 70s) come through my line. He started out nice but then he immediately became creepy.

I'm used to being hit on. Im okay with someone telling me I'm hot, cute, pretty, whatever. But this guy saw my tongue ring. He asked how long I have had it and I just said a while and continued checking groceries.

Then he asked me... If I used it. My brain exploded...

This creepy old man just asked me if I USED MY FUCKING TONGUE RING. I just looked at him and said excuse me? And he kept badgering me getting weirder and more and more sexual.

I got through it feeling disgusting but I quickly moved on.

Well!!  Today after the poor lady above left a man walked in. I was still flustered so I didn't recognize him and just did my usual "hey how are you?" spill. He then asked if I remembered him... I used my cookie cutter response that I always use, "yeah i recognize your face, come in here often?" but he didn't say yes or no he instead brought up the tongue ring conversation. *insert nausea here*

(Back story real quick: I was molested and nearly raped -thank you knee in the balls for always working- by a 50 year old man in my teens... It still haunts me of course so yeah)

Naturally I try to ignore him and shut him up. Then he said to me the most fucked up thing any stranger has ever said to me....

"I bet you suck dick REAL good, wanna suck my c*ck? I'd "go*" real quick, and just think: I'm experienced." *word changed from the gross c word for ejaculate....*

I nearly died.

Seriously.

I'm in no way conservative but who the hell is this guy?!

So I just did what I knew to do. Told him to never speak that way to me again that it was sexual harassment and that I have an attorney who would love to represent me. And if he had a problem with it he could leave. I also told him to never come through my line again. He shut up and paid and left as quickly as possible but now I'm so paranoid.

I dont want him to come back through my line. I'm dreading work Saturday and Sunday thinking he'll be back for me. This is the same way the guy who I explained above did me. He kept fucking with me in public. He started stalking me and when he finally caught me alone (I was working at the local flea market and he came over to me to "chat" and that's the last thing I remember) I'm guessing he  drugged/knocked my ass out in some way and took me to his place passed out. I woke up in the midst of everything and escaped. I consider myself lucky. 

I'm also terrified of telling this to my manager as she's kind of scary anyway but this situation is so embarrassing. I dont want them to think I'm over exaggerating! I have really bad anxiety issues on top of everything else and I just can't handle all this right now...  

What would you guys do in this situation?

I just need help =( I've never been scared to go to work before...

-Click

Comments

[The Worst]

If you don't feel comfortable telling your manager, at least tell a few coworkers (preferably male and scary-looking). Someone else needs to be aware of the situation and watching for this perv, and be prepared to bail you out if he comes back.

If you have the time and resources (and if you haven't already) you might want to take a self-defense class. A knee to the nuts is always good, but knowing some more moves might make you feel more confident and less anxious.

This is totally about your comfort zone with such things, but it may also make you feel better to have pepper spray or something similar on you for when you're walking to your car after work, etc.

I hope this creeper leaves you alone...and chokes on a cucumber.

[Joe the Cigar Guy]

In order: Tell your manager; call the police; call your local sexual assault hotline. Predators thrive where nobody accuses them.

[OfficeChick]

Tell the manager. You have a right not to be sexually harrassed at work. If they won't back you up, climb higher.

As well as suggestions worst made, get a voice recorder and if he comes through your line again, record him. You can take the recording to the cops and charge him.

[Damn Yankee]

I wouldn't go the recording route. There's too many laws about "reasonable expectations of privacy" and being recorded in public without consent. Definitely tell your manager, and if the manager blows you off, speak with your HR person.

Also, go to the police anyways. You don't have to file a report, but at least get advice. They have the knowledge and resources to help you, especially within local and state laws.

If you do indeed have an attorney, speak with them as well. The more people made aware of the situation, the better. Predators thrive in a vacuum. Don't give him the chance.

[The Last Archimedean]

Go to your manager and have this scum banned from the store.

Then go to the police.

[Sales Agent Guy]

Seriously, you should be talking to the police and an attorney. If this loser has done shit like this more than once, then it's definitely sexual harassment. The police should be obvious, while the attorney could help get a restraining order or something against this jackass.

Also, if your manager won't listen, definitely go to HR. But definitely tell the police and get an attorney. If this guy is harassing you, he needs to be stopped.

[NC Tony]

I'm with everyone else, tell your manager (and then go over her head if she won't do anything), call the cops and get a lawyer. Maybe get some mace, and a male co-worker to walk you to your car when you leave. If he's done this twice, there's every reason to believe he'll do it again. Better to stop this now before it goes too far.

[Chicajojobe]

Definitely tell your manager!
You have nothing to be embarrassed about, you weren't the one talking about sex. It's his problem that he decided to go all pervy because you had a tongue ring, and if your bosses decide to believe you're exaggerating that's theirs.
Making sure their employees are safe is part of their job, and this guy could very well be harassing other employees too.

I also agree that you might find calling a sexual assault hotline beneficial. I used to volunteer for one. Their purpose is for you to be able to talk, and to give you resources if you want them. Everything is confidential and they won't pressure you to tell the cops or your boss if you don't want to, but you might find it helpful to talk about this experience and how it's brought back up what happened to you before. RAINN is a good place to start.

[Click]

Thanks guys. This really helps. I dont plan or really WANT to go to the police and I kind of just want to wash my hands of the incident and move on... If I take him to court and press charges this will follow me for a long time. I've never been to court and just the thought of that.... Ahh! I am planning on talking to my female manager Monday about it. If we can't ban him from the store I would rather just me able to refuse to serve him and walk away from my register. Someone else can check him, not me. I have quite a few males I plan on telling (guys I've known long before I started working there, this is a small town and I'm pretty well known) I already carry mace, especially when I close considering the area and the break ins that have occurred. The males also move our cars for the girls if we had to park too far out at night too. We're all pretty good about looking out for each other (excluding a few of the managers...)
Anyways after telling yall anonymously on the internet and getting such great support from people i dont even know i feel much better about telling someone i do know. So thanks once again. I'll send an update after i talk to them.

[photoslave]

Depending on where you are and what the local laws are, you might consider getting a concealed carry license and keeping a gun in your car. If I had gone through what you had, it would definitely make me feel safer. If laws don't permit guns, or you just don't feel safe with one, definitely take a self defense class. Okinawan Goju Ryu is very good. You learn sparring and how to break holds very early (Gold belt is when I started learning that).

[The Last Archimedean]

And now you know why I was asking for help on the CORRECT way to let a salesclerk know you're romantically interested in her. Not that either me or my bro would ever have done anything like this, but without the help from all of you we might have found some way to screw it up.

Seems like this jerk never learned proper forms of social interaction. If someone had caught him as a teenager or in his early 20's and helped him learn how to ask a girl out with politeness and proper manners, he wouldn't be doing this BS today. Unfortunately, very few people today seem to have learned courtesy and manners. There's a right way and a wrong way to do things and this is a case study in how NOT to do things. He's probably been a crude pig all his life because no one stepped in at the start and said, "NO, you have to learn how to treat women with respect." My parents and my first girlfriend forced me to learn the proper ways to treat a woman [I recall one time my first GF put a choke-hold on me and forced me to kneel in front of her and apologize for something I said, I can't remember what now.] Needless to say I've never once had a problem since with respecting members of the fair gender.

TL;DR: Coomon sense, like treating a woman properly, isn't very common these days.

[Click]

I've considered a concealed weapon permit. The only issue is a 9mm handgun is a little (ALOT) out of my price range right now. I can barely just barely afford gas much less a handgun. I bought mace (that the NYPD use) to carry especially when Im on a photo shoot with a teeny little model and i dont have my bodyguard or boyfriend with me. I keep it in my camera bag which is always on my side. An ex of mine (we dated for 2 years) had a black belt and he's deals with military law enforcement and stuff so he taught me how to defend myself but sometimes in the moment all that leaves your brain. It's not like you can practice a real life attack. Anyways yeah.
And also, there is a HUGE difference in expressing the fact you have a crush on someone and acting the way this man did. I highly doubt someone could do this unconsciously. He KNEW what he was doing wrong, he just thought he could talk to me like that and get away with it.

[Greenhouse Gal]

OK, ewwwwwwww. That guy is a major creeper.

You really need to let management know. That is not acceptable behavior, and if management has any basic decency, they should help protect you. I get that it's embarrassing (I had a somewhat similar experience some years ago, although the creeper wasn't as gross), and it sucked having to talk to management about it--but they came through on helping me out and getting the guy to leave me the eff alone.

[SammyKat]

Click, I've been in your shoes. Trust what everyone is saying, please. Tell your store manager at the minimum. Does your store have cameras? See if you can get a copy of the times that creeper has been in so the cops know what he looks like. And I know you don't want to go to the cops, but I believe it would be in your best interest. And honestly, doing this will also protect your fellow female employees.

[Chicajojobe]

@Archimedean,

I get where you're coming from, although none of us specifically said "Don't ask for a blowjob" but the two of you still knew not to do that!
Somethings really should just be common sense.

[CashierBtch]

If this guy has done it once, he's just going to keep on doing it. If not to you, some other girl, and maybe one that may be more timid than you. The only way to stop guys like this is to make sure he doesn't get the opportunity.

Tell management. Their job is to not only make the customer happy, but to protect their employees. And just keep climbing up the ladder until someone does something. If not in the store, find out what you can do from the Department of Labor, they make sure employers aren't seriously screwing over the employees.

And definitely go to the cops. At least for advice. Their job is to protect and serve, so put them to use as much as you can. They wouldn't be in that line of work if they didn't want to keep gross people like him off the streets.

[Lamer]

You can tell your management that 1) he sexually harassed you and 2) you don't feel safe when he's in the store. You don't have to tell them your past. If they transfer you, that's illegal, because it's retribution on a victim.

If he comes in and tries to talk to you, immediately call the police.

[DrugStore Diva]

Whether they give you permission to or not, if he comes back through your line, leave. There are no laws requiring you to have to put up with sexual harassment. If the manager doesn't do anything, go over his head and keep going up until that man is banned from the store.

[DishesDarling]

I'm glad you're going to your manager with it; that's a good start. Make sure a lot of people around you know, and do consider going to the police (though I understand about not wanting to get dragged into a court case). Keeping yourself (and others) safe is worth it, either way.

[Pixie]

Glad to hear you're telling your manager, Click. I wouldn't automatically discount the police unless you're aware your local law enforcement has a problematic approach to harassment complaints. You said you're in a small town, so you'd be best placed to judge that for yourself. Just be aware that no one can drag you into court or anything against your wishes, and having some cops aware of an ongoing situation can be a big help if any more incidents were to occur later. Best of luck, and hope that creeper gets banned for life!

[Hellbound Alleee]

Say, "I was explicitly sexually harassed in a threatening way by [this man.] He makes me afraid to come to work." If you have to, tell the manager exactly what he said to you. Tell him/her that this is not the first time he harassed you, and tell the first incident made you feel frightened as well.

YOU ARE NOT EXAGGERATING.

[Don't let him make you a victim!]

Everyone here is correct - Tell Your Manager, and back it up with a written statement. Predators like this look for victim they sense will be vulnerable and will not stand up for themselves or speak up. You did the right thing by calling him on his behavior and that may be all that is needed for him to move on, but if he does come in, call your manager right away and point him out in an obvious way and say "That is the man who sexually harassed and threaten me. Call the police." He needs to understand you refuse to be a victim. Then call the police and report his slimy ass.

[Book Baby]

You don't need a gun. Buy something cheaper--a Maglite flashlight. This isn't a concealed weapon and you won't get in trouble carrying it. However, it makes a formidable weapon. You CAN kill someone with it. Obviously, you don't want to, but it IS possible to. Think of it as a police baton. You can knock a person out with it, take this creepy old fart to his knees (you can break a knee cap with one!)and do some serious damage to his 'nads with it. Need I say more?

Seeing that you live in a small town, I have one more question: Is creepy guy a "respected member of the community"? Often, creepsters get a free ride in small towns because they are "somebody", i.e., the mayor, the police chief's cousin, etc. If this crap continues, go to the local paper! Nothing like running this asshole out of town by exposing (umm, BAD word) him as a lowlife rather than a pillar of the community!

[Humor_Me]

Don't give up on taping completely if that dick should show up again. This is the link to the state-by-state guide to recording laws: http://www.rcfp.org/can-we-tape/state-state-guide

I live in AZ ad we have one-party consent. That means that ONE person in the conversation has to know it's being recorded and that can be you. I got a recorder when I was being harassed at my apartment complex. I now have the recording of the woman that harassed/assaulted me, and I can use it to renew my protection order.

[Queer Geek]

Absolutely tell your manager, HR, and security about this custy. They might be able to ban him or bring charges against him.

[Chicajojobe]

@humor_me,

Genuine question, is there such a thing as a reasonable expectation of privacy in a place that has security cameras? I mean I suppose not having them in the toilets, but when it comes to audio recording?

[bearfoot]

Tell the cops about the creepy guy.. tell the guy you told the cops.

You should not have to put up with that kind of sexual harassment. Tell security you're being harassed, they should do something about it even if it's to cover their asses.

[Lurker Chick]

In addition to everything already said, you may be able to ward off unwanted advances in the future by being blunt. A good way to protect yourself from harassment is to tell the guy he's wandering into dangerous territory as soon as it begins. A lot of times they will start out by feeling how passive you are, and that will give them a good indication of whether or not you are going to report them if they do anything. If you tell them as soon as they start making you uncomfortable, (and be assertive here!) they will get the vibe that you are likely to report them and get them in trouble, and they should back off. The important thing is being assertive. If you say something like, 'um, you're kind of making me uncomfortable, and I'd really like you to stop', they are likely to push the line more, but slower. If you were to say something like, 'you need to stop talking to me like that. I do not appreciate it and I will report you if it continues', then they know you won't put up with their crap and will usually stop. They don't want to get caught because they won't be abie to harrass and abuse any more. Plus, sexual predators do not get treated well by other inmates.

That being said, it's easy to tell you to be assertive, but it's hard for a lot of people. You said the right things, but if there is a next time, say it sooner, and it shouldn't progress any further. I sincerely hope there is no next time.

[Aunty]

Please be safe! If you even think you see him, alert your manager. Parasites need to be squashed.

[Humor_Me]

From what I've been able to learn about recording, video and audio are two separate things. That's why most video you see from security cameras has no audio with it. THOSE can't do both. But YOU (depending on state), can protect yourself with audio. If you are in more than a one-party-recording state, you have to let the person know you are recording. Best way to defeat a jackass, sleezeball like that would be to find a small tape recorder, and as soon as he shows up, put the tape recorder in sight and turn it on in front of him. Then say, "For my protection and your information, you are being audio recorded (in addition to the video the store is doing [if this is the case])." Watch how fast they run or have nothing to say.

[Ecnal]

Take out your tongue ring.

Also, everything above.

[Madrias]

Definitely seconding the Maglite flashlight. I've got one where I was able to attach a good lanyard to it, you can definitely swing those things with some authority.

Yes, I may be male, but I know alternates for 'weapons' that can be gotten conventionally.

[KittyKatzchen]

I have something similar happening in my apartment complex. I was raped as a child and, as such, have an anxiety disorder. One of the triggers is creepy old men. The only time this man will leave me alone is if my husband is out smoking with me (This all happens in the designated smoking area for the apartments).

Also, I don't know if it was stated before, because I have yet to read all the comments, but recording it actually could work. Reasonable expectation of privacy does not include public places. If it was in your home, you couldn't record it. Since it's in public, you sure as hell can. Believe me, I researched it.

[alshara]

Maglites are good. If you are going to be carrying pepper spray or mace in a building where there's other people, get the gel kind so that 1) you don't get blow back on to you, 2) you decrease the risk of contaminating other people around the target. The gel kind is what they uses in schools.

If a conceal carry is a little much for you (in terms of potential use, mental fall out of using, cost of practice, and others) look at getting a civilian Taser. They go for about $399.00 or so and I believe that if you have to use it, they will replace it. The idea behind the civilian Taser is a lower voltage ride for a longer time. Instead of the 30,000 volts for 5 seconds like the LE models, it's a 15,000 volt ride for 30 seconds, enough time for you to drop the Taser while it's discharging and run away to get help. Can dry stun and you can repeatedly activate the 30 sec ride till the battery dies. Also, leaves little confetti like things around with the serial number of the cartridge for easy of identifying the scene. Oh, and laser sight too.