Like I said a while back, I'm not saving these just for the holidays anymore. I've been compiling this list for the last couple weeks. So here is the Retail Slaves Wish List 3.
Are you sick and tired of having creepy old guys and women hitting on you?
Then choose from one of our hundreds of pictures of boyfriends/husbands, girlfriends/wives. Already dating, engaged or married? No problem. We can Photoshop your SO's head onto the bodies of police officers, bodybuilders, pro wrestlers, football athletes, soldiers, MMA fighters, firefighters, celebrities (Oh that's my husband, he was Christan Bale's stunt double in Batman), posing with celebrities (Oh that's my husband, and his good friend, Chuck Norris), and many, many more choices.
Carbon Dating For Returns
Does that shirt look like it was sold when George Bush Sr. was in office? Well let's find
out! Toss any returned item into the RHU Carbon Dating machine and find out when it was sold! Find out if it's even sold at your store! Anything outside of the return period (or not sold at your store) will be ejected out back at the customer.
Automatic Cut Off Registers
We're all sick and tired of customers who ignore the "X items or less" signs, and the
managers who tell you to take them anyway. Now with these registers you can inconvenience them, just as much as they inconvenience you. These registers (regular and self-scan) will automatically total up any order when it reaches a per-determined number of items. Any additional items (even if it's just one) will have to be rung through on a new transaction.
Tired of risking personal injury to yourself when confronted with violent scammers/NAT's/customers in general? These Robocop style guards will put a stop to that! Stationed by each register (and customer service) they will keep psycho customers in line with tasers at the ready. One warning ("Please calm down or you will be tazed") will be issued before the rabid customer is put down. For NAT's who grab things and run out the door, they will find out just how fast one of our Roboguards can run (hint: it's faster than the thief). These guards will also walk you out to your car when you're closing.
That's it for now.
I'm sure I'll come up with more later, and of course, add your own ideas in the comments.