NC TONY'S RETAIL SLAVE WISH LIST 3

Like I said a while back, I'm not saving these just for the holidays anymore. I've been compiling this list for the last couple weeks. So here is the Retail Slaves Wish List 3.

Creeper Deterrent

Are you sick and tired of having creepy old guys and women hitting on you?

Then choose from one of our hundreds of pictures of boyfriends/husbands, girlfriends/wives. Already dating, engaged or married? No problem. We can Photoshop your SO's head onto the bodies of police officers, bodybuilders, pro wrestlers, football athletes, soldiers, MMA fighters, firefighters, celebrities (Oh that's my husband, he was Christan Bale's stunt double in Batman), posing with celebrities (Oh that's my husband, and his good friend, Chuck Norris), and many, many more choices. 

Carbon Dating For Returns

Does that shirt look like it was sold when George Bush Sr. was in office? Well let's find
out! Toss any returned item into the RHU Carbon Dating machine and find out when it was sold! Find out if it's even sold at your store! Anything outside of the return period (or not sold at your store) will be ejected out back at the customer.

Automatic Cut Off Registers

We're all sick and tired of customers who ignore the "X items or less" signs, and the
managers who tell you to take them anyway. Now with these registers you can inconvenience them, just as much as they inconvenience you. These registers (regular and self-scan) will automatically total up any order when it reaches a per-determined number of items. Any additional items (even if it's just one) will have to be rung through on a new transaction.

Robot security/LP

Tired of risking personal injury to yourself when confronted with violent scammers/NAT's/customers in general? These Robocop style guards will put a stop to that! Stationed by each register (and customer service) they will keep psycho customers in line with tasers at the ready. One warning ("Please calm down or you will be tazed") will be issued before the rabid customer is put down. For NAT's who grab things and run out the door, they will find out just how fast one of our Roboguards can run (hint: it's faster than the thief). These guards will also walk you out to your car when you're closing.

That's it for now.

I'm sure I'll come up with more later, and of course, add your own ideas in the comments.

--NC Tony

 

 

 

Comments

[trekkiebabe31]

Oooh, I want one of the Roboguards!

[HBCSlave]

I would like to order the creeper deterrent and 2 Robo-guards please!

[DrugStore Diva]

I needed Creeper deterrent and RoboGuard on Sunday when my car broke down 30 miles away from home and I had a creeper who wouldn't leave me alone (riding a bicycle and claimed he could give me a tow).

[Book Diver]

What about a phone translator for call centers? If customers are screaming and ranting, it changes their words into calm, polite conversation. If it receives similar input a certain number of times- ("Can you do this?" "Why can't you do this?" "Do this or I'll get you fired!")- it will automatically terminate the call and report it being the customer's error.

[WMDKitty]

How about child-sized ball gags and restraints? Keep the little fucktrophies from wreaking havoc...

[ScanGunMonkey]

How about a managerial shock collar? Put it on your boss, it's triggered by the phrase "the custy is always right."

[Madrias]

Industrial strength spring loaded boxing glove hidden under the scanner, triggered by swear words.

As a customer, I find it disrespectful when other customers swear at the poor cashier because they're too incompetant to realize they can't scam a full-price refund on a product that the store has never sold.

[The Last Archimedean]

A device you can attach to a phone that sends an electrical shock through the phone line to a crusty, to be triggered by rabid rants, would be most useful.

[TechTiger]

"Fucktrophies". Heh.

NC Tony; the automatic cutoff would have to move them along as well, or they'd just clog up the line demanding that the rest of their crap be rung through as if they were a new customer. A roboguard equipped with a Big Honkin' Boot would be good for this. (envisions robot creeping up on loud clown a la Dr Hax from the Gmod Idiot Box. :D)

And Last Archimedian; if you got that to work, every helpdesk slave in the country would worship you.

[Joe the Cigar Guy]

"Dead or alive, you're coming with me!"

Oh HELL yeah!

[Minidoc]

One of those tazers could be labeled "extra-strength creeper deterrent!"

[Humor_Me]

How about a Service Dog detector? Prevents crustys from bringing precious pooch into the store and claiming it as a Service Dog when it is actually just a pet. Just because you can buy a vest and patches, doesn't mean you have a Service Dog. This device scans the dog for proper manners. Service Dogs in Training are also detected.

[grocery store cashier]

the automatic cut off register sounds good to me i hate working express but when i do most of the times people come in with more then x amount of items and i take them anyways even though there is a limit i guess people do that because they have zero patience for the non-express registers and choose to use an express register as a non express register