Drunk Custy Marks Her Territory at Gas Station

You ever have a moment where you see something that makes you laugh, and then you realize ‘Damnit, now I have to clean that up!’?

I had one on Sunday.

I was stocking the cooler full of beer, a job that I surprisingly enjoy since it means dealing with fewer customers. Shift Leader 1 was helping me, and it was right after my late lunch break.

I looked up to check the clock when I hear ‘I NEED THE BATHROOM NOW!’

This drunk-ass woman came pinballing in, and when I say ‘pinballing’, I mean she would stagger into something and then stagger into something else. Oh, and she had pissed herself at some point.

I told the Shift Leader that she was a little too late to need the bathroom, and one of the girls on register led her where she needed to go. Couple minutes later, she pinballs herself back out the store and manages to fall into an open truck door that belonged to what I assume was her boyfriend’s.

It was kind of funny to watch, really, and I had a good laugh over it. Until the girl on register ran over, telling us the lady had pissed on the floor under the baby changing station.

I ran in to see, and yes. She had pissed on the floor, not 5 feet from the toilet. And to top it off, there was used toilet paper next to the puddle. I got to spend the next several minutes cleaning and scrubbing the bathroom down, pissed (no pun intended) as hell.

Well, at least she wiped, right?

--Terah

Comments

[The Last Archimedean]

If I ever get so drunk that I can't walk and can't locate a toilet when I'm inside a bathroom, I want one of you to push me over the edge of a tall cliff.

That's just insane. How bad does your life have to be to get drunk to the point where you can't walk right?

[NC Tony]

Well I hate to be Devil's Advocate, but at least she didn't shit on the floor.

[CharlieWhiskyMike]

I had to clean up my daughters pee this afternoon four times (on the hard path from diaper to toilet) and change her cloth. Like NC Tony said Shit will be much much worse.

[Framer-Fatal]

Charlie, your daughter hasn't been controlling her bladder for many years though, nor is she under the influence. I think she gets a little bit of a reprieve, though I must say, you parents sure know how to sell it!
I personally hate the sensation of being drunk, even though I love my alcohol. If I was pin-balling off merch I think the kind thing to do would be to take me out back Old Yeller style.

[Chicajojobe]

@The Last Archimedean,

A girl from my school told a hilarious story once a time in college when her hubby awoke after a night of drinking to find that his equally drunk best friend had opened his laptop, pissed on it, and then closed it again. Apparently to this day the guy swears he thought it was the toilet, so it happens.

[MA_Nightmare]

Thank the flying spaghetti monster that I NEVER get that bad. Even my half-drunken stops to the gas station bathroom involve me being OCD about NOT making a mess. I guess that's just the retail slave in me, though. This lady must not have had any self-control. Suck you had to deal with that hazmat situation, Terah.

[TechTiger]

Chicajojobe, was it one of the (color)-and white early macbooks? Even people who LIKED them described them as looking like a toilet seat...

[Aunty]

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

[Chicajojobe]

@Techtiger,

She didn't say, though those were in like the 90s right? Unless I'm thinking of a much earlier model than you are, I doubt it would have been one of those.

[WMDKitty]

I am so sorry you had to clean up after Drunky McPiss-Puddle -- but god DAMN is that hilarious!

BTW, I don't understand this whole "can't find the toilet" thing. I'm disabled*, have a history of... er... "explosive" digestive issues, pee A LOT when drunk, and STILL somehow manage to a) find the toilet; and b) NOT make a mess!

*Cerebral palsy. Yeah, it's probably interesting to see me get sloshed and then try to do a transfer.

[Little Slave in the Big Northwoods]

I got one better - working overnight shift at the local Conoco gas station. I checked in around 9pm and cleaned the outside toliet - sparkling!! Around 1am, some guy asks to use it, I let him and think nothing of it. There wasn't anyone coming in until 6am so I couldn't check it. A lady and her kid driving from Chicago to South Dakota stop around 3, get gas, went to use the b-room and you guessed it; shit everywhere! on the walls, floor, sink, & garbage can. And, his dirty poop filled drawers in the garbage can too. Yes, I cleaned it up while the local police officer sat in my store and made sure no one kidnapped me or stole anything. Good thing the coffee shop is next door and he sits there for 3-4 hours a night.

[Humor_Me]

I was walking to the bullseye the other night and there was a... uhhh... (let's go with "chick" since "lady" wouldn't be the right word) chick that came around the corner from the drive of the strip mall where the bar is. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster she was walking because she sure as hell wouldn't be safe driving! She couldn't even safely walk, and I was wondering if she was going to fall into traffic. I kinda kept an eye on her till I turned into the bullseye parking lot, but how she kept from pissing herself is beyond me.

I've only gotten smashed a couple of times in my youth and decided I really didn't like getting sick. Never managed to piss myself or pass out, but I did manage a good tumble once, and that was enough.

[TechTiger]

Chicajojobe: I had to go look it up. :P The iBook, from 1999 to 2001. (The name was used after that, but it's the 'clamshell' ones I was referring to)

Little Slave in the Big Northwoods: I used to work a convenience store in a middlin-bad part of town, and ended up refusing to clean the outside toilet after a combination of things like that, and only barely managing to beat six people following me back into the store... I'm a big boy, but six was a bit much for someone who hasn't been in a fight since 4th grade. :P

When I got bitched at by the manager, I told him that I'm here alone, and with the messes people make in there, it'd take me an hour or more to clean it, and since it was around the corner, there's no way I could do it and watch the store. And I was neither trained nor equipped for biohazard work (Two inches of shit on the floor one time... it looked like they'd brought in buckets and paved it...and what looked like over a quart of blood splashed on the walls another.) so I wasn't doing it.