Burger Bitch's Tale of Custy Revenge

I’m not entirely sure if everyone is rapidly becoming more idiotic, or if I’m just wishing too hard for a world filled with intelligent people. Though I do have an awesome story of custy revenge, I need to share the ridiculous stories from this morning.

I understand that it’s Monday and everyone hates their lives today, but there’s really no reason to be a fucking dumbass. The first customer I served this morning asked for a dozen muffins, as usual, I ask if they have specific ones in mind or if they just want them to be assorted. The man said he didn’t care and I went on my way to picking out whatever muffins were closest, because I’m just as tired as everyone else. That’s when he pipes up and says “Uhm, can I pick out my own muffins!?” My coworker on the gas station side looked at me and mimicked the motion of putting on a helmet (No, he couldn’t see it, untwist your fucking panties.) I told him that he said he didn’t care, so I just went ahead, but of course, I was wrong. What else is new, right?

The next customer did agitate me, but I ended up almost laughing on the floor. I was working with Awesome!Manager during the slow period, so we were both shooting the shit and just doing some small cleaning when Drive Thru went off;

Manager: “Hi there, what can I get you?”

Custy: “A double-double.”

M: “Sure, what size would you like?”

Custy: “A double-double.”

M: “Yes, but what size would you like for your double-double?”

Custy: “I SAID I WANTED A DOUBLE-DOUBLE!”

Me: “Sir, what size would you like, we have small, medium and large.”

Custy: “DOUBLE-DOUBLE! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.”

Me: “Jesus says it’s a small!”

M: “I feel that Jesus would prefer a small coffee, indeed.”

Now, on that same subject, here’s the tale of custy revenge. We have a regular who we would all rather shove a recliner up our asses than ever serve. Every time he comes in, he’s insanely rude and the worst, he lectures us about Jesus. A few weeks ago, he screamed at me over our stamp cards (You buy 9 coffees, you get the 10^th free) because apparently it’s MY fault that HE always forgets it at home. After he screamed at me, he told me I was a “Whore” and I deserved to rot in Hell. Which is fine, because if it existed, all my favourite people would be there. However, he came back in the other night while I was working, which I was ecstatic about. There was a man waiting behind him in line, but this Jesus Freak takes FOREVER to order, even though he always gets the exact same thing.

He started asking me the price difference between a medium and a large (He always gets a large French Vanilla) I told him the prices of each, then he wanted to know what was in EVERY. SINGLE. MUFFIN. I gave him the nutrition sheet and asked the customer behind him what he would like, so I could get it ready while Jesus Freak looked at the nutrition chart. Jesus Freak flipped out at me because I had to serve HIM first.

Me: “Sir, this man has been waiting patiently, I can get his order started while you decide what you want.”

JF: “No, that’s not how customer service works! I was here first, so you serve me FIRST!”

Me: “Fine, sir. What do you want?”

JF: “I don’t know yet.”

Me: -Seriously aggravated- “Ok, then while you decide, I’ll help this customer.”

JF: -He turns to the waiting customer- “If she accepted Jesus, she’d be A LOT more pleasant.”

And that’s when the amazing custy said the most beautiful thing I have ever heard, he looked Jesus Freak right in the eye and said “Go fuck yourself.” I stood there shocked as tits, but happy as fuck. The customer was crazy polite, he ordered his coffee promptly, paid and left me a decent tip. The Jesus Freak was so offended that he started telling people in the parking lot that we were all evil. IT WAS GREAT.

Of course, the story got around work quickly. When I worked on Friday, my manager's husband came in, leaned on the counter and, with a straight face, said “Would you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?”

--Burger Bitch

Comments

[Queer Geek]

What would Jesus do?

Beat the living shit out of this rude freak if he doesn't order something soon!

[The Last Archimedean]

I prefer to ask myself what Chris ("Jesus") Ferguson would do...

He'd bluff with a seven-deuce, of course. :)

And these idiot Jesus-freaks need to learn that religion is like a penis: it's fine to have it, it's great to be proud of it, but don't whip it out in public and ESPECIALLY don't try to shove it down someone's throat without permission.

[Bagel Bat]

If you work where I think you do, the supply of idiots is never ending. But sometimes there are beautiful people with hearts of gold :D

It's sad when people can't figure out how to order something as simple as a size. Usually I just assume they want a medium like most folks around here and 8/10 I'm right. When I'm wrong they start to tweak out but I intervene and gently remind them (so as not to provoke the crazies) that they failed to specify and I can rectify the situation if they only specify.

Hehe, thankfully all the Catholic nuns and priests we get are pretty cool :p They only give us mini-lectures on how wasteful the corporation is when the food could go to homeless shelters and how God says "do unto others" and "help your fellow man". I'm totally with Last Arch on that Jesus-Freak, what an ignorant little troll :( Not to mention he gives cool religious people a bad reputation.

[Fortune Cookie]

Oooh, you should come up with a new "conversion story" every time he comes in.

"Didn't you know sir, you had me converted. Yes, indeed. You lectures made me want to join a religion. I am now a Muslim, though I miss my bacon."

"Why sir, I do believe that Jesus lived and the my people nailed him to a cross. I wish I could have been there."

"Of course I am a believer, the path is clear to all who accept the force and use it to overpower the evil Sith lords."

[Skittles]

Play the why game with him. Just ask why after every statement he makes, it works for four year old,s he aught to enjoy it as well.

[Michael Chandra]

That is the most brilliant reply, proof of great selfcontrol. ^_^

[CharlieWhiskyMike]

@the last archimedian
This is a pretty cool definition for religion. I imaging the face from my bigottry driven very Good catholic mother and her sister my aunt who happens to be a nun if i tell them these words.

Isn't it written in the bible: the First will be the last and the last will be the first

[NC Tony]

Furthering Fortune Cookie's suggestion. Tell him you just joined a cult.

[Zyffyr]

Invite him over to 'participate' in a Human Sacrifice.