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You heard the first part of my first night back in Pizza Pit Hell.
But it only gets better.
One of the drivers is named Phil - because he's a dime-store philosopher. He's read one book about philosophy and sets himself up as the authority on the matter now, condescending to everyone and convinced he is right about everything. No one can stand him, especially me.
That Saturday night, Don came back from his bar adventure, and Phil was in his car reading. He came back in when he had delivery orders but otherwise sat on his rather large ass and did nothing. Around midnight the rush started. Don, Jimbo the other driver and myself were running around taking care of customers but Phil just sat there, reading a Dawkins book and spouting "interesting facts" about organized religion being wrong. I'm an atheist but can't stand Dawkins, so I was getting really annoyed. He never helped us. Not once.
Then the ladies' bathroom flooded and he haughtily informed me that I could mop it after we closed, two hours later. Uh, no. I'll do it now since you have no interest in earning your paycheck. At the end of the night, I tipped out everyone who helped, and of course Phil was there with his hand out, so I gave him a dollar and turned away when he spluttered with outrage.
Trip, the only female driver, told me a fun story about him. She said that until she started working there, he was never on time. Afterward he was there even on his days off, "helping her out" and being generally creepy. He asked her out several times, ignoring the ring on her finger. Weirdo.
I unfortunately do not live up to his standards. I heard him tell a cook that I'm too fat for his tastes. Wow betide me, whatever shall I do now?