What Your Bank Teller Wishes You Knew

From Bank Slave:

This was written last November by a former coworker of mine on day that was really slow. I posted on McSparkles's story that if I could find it I would share it. Sorry for the length, but I hope you guys enjoy:

 First off, I'll start by saying that 90% of these things don't bother me THAT much.  They may be a little irritating at times, but I still do my job with a smile.

I am a person.  I am not the bank.  I did not make up these rules and therefore can not change them.  Some of them I don't like either, so please don't come storming into the bank demanding that "I" give you your money back and accusing "ME" of personally stealing all of your money. I know it's frustrating but there is a HUGE system in place and "I" didn't manually go into the computer and charge you that overdraft fee.  So calm down.  And trust me...If I personally were given all of the money from overdraft fees, there's no way in hell I would still be working here!

I am not an idiot.  I know how to multi-task.  Please tell me at the BEGINNING of the transaction all that you would like do.  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...Do not hand me a check and say you would like to deposit it, then after I fill out your deposit slip (that you should have already had ready), make your deposit and hand you your receipt, ask to deposit ANOTHER check into the same account. THEN after THAT transaction, ask to get $20 cash back and THEN ask to put $40 of the check you JUST deposited into your checking account, into your savings account. You just made a 1 step process into a 4 step process and you're holding up the line!

Speaking of holding up the line, don't get mad at me when you've had to wait a couple minutes in line, then hand me a wad of cash, with no deposit slip, no id, no debit card...you could and SHOULD have had your crap ready before you got to the line, thus minimizing your wait time.  Likewise, if there are people standing behind you waiting, lets keep the personal chit-chat to a minimum, shall we?  I am your bank teller, not your therapist.

I know we live in the Midwest and its cold out, but use some common sense and take off your GOD DAMN Ski mask BEFORE entering the bank.  You look like a bank robber and we tend to get a little nervous.  Don't make me trip my alarm button prematurely!! Also, please don't park outside of the bank with your car facing our door, with your hat over your eyes, sunglasses on and your black hoodie up.  We know that most likely you are just waiting for a friend, but you look like you're casing the joint.  Go wait in the Wal*Mart parking lot instead.

Do not call me at 5:28 when we close at 5:30 and say you're "on your way" and      ask me to keep the store open for an extra 15 minutes.  Not going to happen.  We are a bank.  We close on time for security purposes.  Likewise, we will not open the door 15 minutes early just because you are standing outside and keep pulling on the locked door.

Just because you've been "banking here for X amount of years" does not exclude you from ever having to show your ID.  We try our best to remember people, but we deal with hundreds of people every week and we also will get new people from time to time.  A good rule of thumb is, if you don't know ME, I probably don't know you.

We can not magically see when or where your direct deposit is until it hits your account.  It is up to YOUR employer to send it through to us. We can not see into cyber space and tell you where it is.  Everything is electronic...which means that your check is not sitting somewhere, in building A on floor 7 in a box on the floor, waiting for someone to "process" it.

We will not reverse all your fees that were applied to your account because YOU don't keep track of your money.  I understand that it sucks. I feel bad for some of you, I've been there myself. But I can see how many overdraft fees you've had in the past year, and what you spend your money on so don't try to tell me "it's the first time this has happened."

Don't threaten to close your account and think it's an effective way to get what you want. We don't care about your $700.  You're being an asshole and we'd much rather we didn't have to deal with you on a regular basis anyways so we will gladly fill out the withdrawal slip and close your account.  

Do not bring me a check made out to your coworker's husband's brother and expect me to be able to cash it for you.  I don't care if 

he said it was "ok". It's not.  With all of the fraud going on these days there are proper procedures we have to follow in order to avoid people and the bank losing money.  Don't you realize that anyone could find a check, pick it up and claim the exact same thing? What would happen if we allowed that? Think about it.

Don't say to me "Ugh...well, they let me do this at my OTHER bank!"  Because I will tell you to go there and then assume that you didn't go there in the first place because your account is in bad standing.

Just because we are a bank that does not mean that we have an infinite amount of money on hand.  No, you can't cash your $50,000 check.  They regulate how much money we can keep on hand at all times.  We are not the US Mint. If we gave you all of that money, there wouldn't be any left for anyone else.

Don't try to pull a fast one over on be by saying "I do this here all the time." You're a liar.  I am 1 of 4 other employees who works here and I'm here all the time. So, if you really DID do something here "all the time", I would be the first to know about it.

We will gladly count your change for you free of charge in our super duper fast coin counter, but please don't bring in 30lbs of coin in a bottle that has a 3 foot long neck and an opening no bigger than the size of a quarter.  Shaking your heavy coin out is time consuming and annoying.  I should be able to dump it all in!! 

Same thing goes for cash.  I don't mind counting a lot of your money at one time.  I'm super good at it and really fast. But if you bring me an old coffee can of your "Rainy Day Fund" don't expect me not to be annoyed when I'm pulling out wads of crinkled, folded, dirty bills that take me 20 minutes just to straighten out.  Have your cash ready!

Guessing is never good in the banking world. If you don't know your account number don't try to guess.  I'll figure it out for you.  Same goes for slips...if you don't know which slip to use, ask me. But common sense applies here...do not fill out a "deposit" slip, if you are cashing it and then get mad at ME when I deposit it instead of cashing.

I know there are bad banks and bad tellers that don't know what they're doing, but I'm not one of them. So feel free to add your own.

--Bank Slave

Comments

[Jaye]

Amen fellow Bank Slave! I wholeheartedly agree with all of the above. And I will add this to the list:

Do not EVER become abusive to me or my coworkers for any reason. At the very least I will have your account closed out. At worst I will have my lovely police friends escort you out.

[The Last Archimedean]

From the customer's point of view: If you charge a fee for every time I use your ATM -- it's YOUR bank, I wiould understand charging for a different bank's ATM cards, but... -- then don't be surprised when I do all my transactions in person instead. I know it makes the lines longer and makes you grumpier, and I will gladly offer a sympathetic word and do my best to have everything ready to speed my transaction. But if you want the policy changed, talk to your higher-ups.

[Legal Minion]

I don't know of many banks that charge their customers a fee, for using their own ATM. But I've dealt mostly with one bank in my life--the one I used to work at myself. I can whole-heartedly agree with this post and will add:

If I've flipped my name plate around to "Next Teller Please," don't interrupt me when I keep counting down my drawer because you didn't take a second to read the words right in front of your face.

I'm very glad I got out of banking!

[Bumblebee]

So I know this is about one individual teller, at one bank, but; why don't they keep gloves on hand? I had a teller the other day, I had a ton of rolled coins, not a big deal right? So this teller, is obviously in a bad mood, and my coins had maybe one or two pieces of cat fur on it (gross, i know, but i have a turkish angora who's a super friendly longhair so unavoidable really...), i apologize, and she counts them. Then she begins to use way more hand sanitizer than necessary and wipes to clean the coins...none of which have hair on them...she also has this awful grimace on her face like she's literally being forced to handle and sift through raw shit... I understand that money is gross, but you don't need to re-sanitize after handling EACH AND EVERY set of rolled coins...in terms of money i think that'd be the least of your worries...all USD bills are disgustingly dirty, and i get that- heck one of our cashiers actually had to be brought to the hospital for HIV testing after a custy handed her a bill with blood on it - BUT rolled coins with a mite of cat hair? one round of sanitizing at the end after i've walked away is more than enough...you really don't have to show me how disgusted you are...

sorry, bit of a rant, but i do think the whole....non-latex glove thing, is kind of a good point...

[KattyBitch]

I so very rarely have to go into the actual bank that I don't know how to fill out the slips. I'm one of those hopelessly clueless people that hands the teller my check to deposit and my bank cards, give them big sad pouty eyes and smile lIke a sap knowing I just frustrated a bank slave by having them fill the slip out for me.

[Legal Minion]

I never minded filling out a deposit slip for a custy, so long as they were nice about it. As for dirty money? Yeah. Money is pretty damn gross. But I totally agree (from the POV of someone who did work at a bank) that you can wait until AFTER you count EVERYTHING to sanitize. I usually only did it every few custys, or if I got someone whose cash/coin was particulary icky.

[Bank Slave]

If you don't know how to fill out the slips I'm happy to fill it out for you. What frustrates me more is people who fill it out wrong and then I have to redo it all anyway. If you don't know by all means ask! Money is disgusting and I agree with Legal Minon if I get really gross money I wait until I'm totally done counting it and the customer has walked away then I sanitize.

[Bored at the Bookstore]

@Bumblebee... Is it possible that your teller is/was allergic to cats? I am, and when people bring in a box or bag or even a single book with cat hair, it can and does set off breathing problems. It's why I have to keep antihistamines and a medicine "puffer" at work... And once or twice I've had to tell people i couldn't take their books at all when a veritable cloud of cat hair billowed out of the box when I opened it. "Oh, my cats must have been sleeping in there!" she said. I can handle a few cat hairs, but bales of it, no.

Of course, the teller's grimaces and dirty looks were totally unnecessary!

[Meeri]

Why haven't people gotten into the habit of just bringing in a statement from the account they'd like to deposit money into? Done. Easy. A lot easier than dealing with deposit slips. And it saves the time of having the person fill out the slip for you.
And for the record, even though my bank knew me by first and last name, they STILL made me show ID. The only time I've actually kind of flipped out about showing ID was on a $13 credit card purchase at my old work after I left. We NEVER asked for ID (probably a bad idea) on anything but checks and returns. Company policy. And I was more annoyed by the fact that the new girl lied to me about it when I knew better.
Bumblebee - I'm gonna go with allergic too. Granted, she should have been nicer about it, but as a cat-allergic person, if I see strange cat hair (not hair from my cat, don't ask how I tell the difference), I immediately go into a panic. I'll even break out in hives if I touch my face after touching my cat, and I barely react to her anymore...

[Humor_Me]

As someone who is deathly allergic to (of all things) guinea pigs, I'm going to go with allergies. But if you work in a public situation like that, you learn how to deal with it and come prepared. That STILL doesn't mean I berate someone for having them by being nasty to them. I just excuse myself and have to go wash my hands and face down as soon as I realize I've been in contact, or I've always got my epi-pen in event of anaphylactic shock. In fact, I'm training my Service Dog to detect guinea pig hair so I don't come in contact with it if possible. Making faces and being nasty is uncalled for. You can still be professional in your job.

[I'm a teller, I tell for a living]

If I don't have bullet proof glass at my station (my bank branch doesn't, some branches of my bank do) PLEASE DO NOT lean ALL THE WAY over to talk to me. You are seriously invading my personal space and also make me very nervous for my own safety, especially if I don't know you.

For the record, I like not having the glass, since it means I don't have to shout at the elderly people who come in.