I’m choosing to believe it.
Dude comes through the window today and has a debit card. As per policy, I ask to see his ID, which is required for any purchases used with debit or credit cards.
He hands me his ID, which is from Oregon and stamped across his picture are the words ‘SEX OFFENDER’.
I try to be cool, and simply say ‘So. You’re from Oregon?’
With a sigh, he proceeds to explain to me WHY he is a sex offender, and I haven’t had a good laugh like this in a while.
Dude has a goat tied up in his back yard, and he goes out, stuffs a sock in the exhaust pipe of his riding lawn mower and proceeds to fuck it. However, something happened and the lawn mower STARTS UP. I’m not sure how, but it starts up on him and he screams and his neighbors call the police to help him. They show up and free his dick from the tail pipe of this lawn mower and arrest him for ‘Molestation of a Lawn Mower’.
To top this all off, he claims he looked at the officer and said ‘If this hadn’t have happened, I was going to fuck the goat next.’
At least he had the good sense to be ashamed of himself, I suppose.