So I wanted to
give you a funny story about my efforts of my job search during my stint of
unemployment. As you know I’ve sent hundreds of resumes online with cover
letters. One of them was for a front desk clerk at a hospital which
included my cover letter which below is a fake one but read on and you’ll get
Re: Office Representative Opening for General Hospital
Dear Human Resources:
I was excited to see your opening for the office representative position for General Hospital. I have heard so many positive things about your company and hope to be part of your successful team in the health care field. I hope this kiss ass cover letter will hopefully consider me as a candidate.
My background includes working with shitty custys within the retail hell environment. Most recently, I worked on the custy service desk for the Big Fancy, where my responsibilities included handling NAT returns, issuing refunds/store credits (even if the damn custy wore it to go clubbing the night before), reselling damaged merchandise and providing an outstanding (gag) consumer experience with a shit eating grin on my face.
I also bring to the table strong computer proficiencies in all computer and office applications, a wasted college degree, and the ability to be abused for this current position. Please see the accompanying resume for details of my experience and education even though I copied it online from some else’s sample online.
I am confident that I can offer you the custy service, lack of communication and forced problem-solving skills you are seeking. Feel free to call me at (home) or (cell) to arrange an interview. Thank you for your time -- I look forward to learning more about this opportunity even though I don’t know shit about what your company is about.
Now here’s the punchline!
I got up the next morning and compiled my list of all the resumes I’ve sent out the previous day and realized with horror that I got the name of the hospital wrong! I put down General Hospital, the competing company of the ACTUAL medical organization Cedar Sinai. Needless say, I doubt I’ll be getting that job.
Word of advice: Never try to apply for a job at midnight when you’re sleep deprived and desperate for work