Queer Geek's Interview Hell

Hey RHU!  Long time no post!  Good news! 

I finally found a job and I’ll go more into that at a later date.  For now, I wanted to share a couple crazy stories of my time on unemployment which I thought would be fun to post. 

Here’s one of them.

Now many of you who read my posts know I’m got laid off from The Big Fancy.  Even our host Freeman here was escapee so he can relate to my insane stories. 

Anyway, I tried getting employed by one of Big Fancy’s discount sister companies but they wouldn’t take me because they said I was overqualified.  WTF?  I think the only reason they said that because during my six years of hell they paid me pretty well and even though I was willing to take a paycut, it reflected badly on the company that I was being demoted.  Whatever losers!

Anyway after weeks of getting no response after sending hundreds of resumes online, I finally get a call from Old Slavery.  Now here’s where it gets interesting.  The ad called for a Full Time Stock Room/Logistics Manager to work nights and afterhours.  No biggie.  I worked in warehouses before so I’m more than qualified.

I shouldn’ve known something was wrong on the phone when I asked again what position they were interviewing for and they said Custy Service.  (Understand I applied for every opening within this company so at least wanted to come in to the interview prepared.)  I get to the interview and immediately we get cattle called into a group interview.  Immediately, my first thought was OH SHIT!

Now if you ever had a group interview, it’s just a way to weed out all the bad interviewees and get down to the nitty gritty but usually when this happens you meet some…un…interesting people.  I came in there with shirt and tie on and I gazed around the room to see people in dressed so casual it looked like they were going to hit the beach right after. 

In my head I’m thinking, am I in the right place?  Is this Spring Break and I have to do bodyshots off some girl’s bikini line?  All thoughts went away when the interviewing manager came out.

The group interview went around the circle asking each of us questions to which were your basic run the mill easy inquiries.  Why do you want to work here?  Tell me about yourself?  What’s your experience?  Give a time when you solved a customer problem. Blah blah blah.  Then came the explanation of the position itself. 

They were looking for a seasonal summer help for part time. 

What the hell?  That’s not what I applied for!

The interview continued with more rapid fire questions.  Easy for me but difficult for others.  I felt bad for the fresh faced eighteen year old barely out of high school  and who had never had a job that couldn’t answer any of the questions to save his life. 

I wanted to pat the little boy on the head and tell him it was okay.  McSparkles is always hiring newbies!  Finally the group interview ended to which the manager seemed to be interested in in me but I politely declined. 

I guess it’s back to the unemployment line.

So tell me RHU, have you ever gone to an interview with one expectation and found out it was the direct opposite of what you expected?

--Queer Geek

 

 

Comments

[perky]

Right out of college I took an interview at a place that advertised as being a company that handled insurance claims for replacing windshields. They made it sound as if they were some sort of insurance underwriters. The ad said they preferred college grads, but would be willing to train the right candidate. I thought what the hell, I'll give it a try.

I put in my resume and was called in for an interview. I got there 5 minutes before and let the receptionist know I was there. After a few minute wait, a man about mid 30's came out, he was dressed professionally and called for Mrs. Perky. That was were the professionalism ended. It quickly became the worse, and most bizarre interview I ever did.

I stood up and introduced myself as Mrs. Perky. To which he replied, "Ok, Perky-baby, right this way" and he put his hand on my back and gestured down the hall to his office. I have to interject here that the whole time he sounded like a bad Elvis impersonator.

He started the interview with the typical questions, Why do you want to work here, blah blah blah--but he would start or end the question with calling me "Perky baby" (of course he used my first name instead of Perky) Then after about 3 questions his cell phone rings. He doesn't even say excuse me, he answers it, and then twirls he office chair around so that he back was facing me. He spoke on his cell phone for about 10 minutes before turning back to me as if nothing happened.

After a few more questions and a few more times calling me "perky baby" in his bad Elvis voice we concluded the interview. I kept waiting for someone to jump out and say "Hey, you're on candid camera." It was all so surreal.

[Syruss]

Fairly recently I had an interview which I was told would simply be calling customers who have a service plan for a product to arrange an appointment for an annual servicing. Literally just that, no sales or anything.

Of course, when I get there I find it's cold-calling to try and sell them a single service appointment. The agency who helped me get the interview only put me forward for it on the basis of it not being telesales, so they were not happy either.

It's also the first time I have ever walked out on an interview.

[pennyslut<33]

not quite an interview, but a department move. i was told i wouldn't have to cash anyone out, be responsible for signing up credit cards, and would get a raise. so i applied and got the interview. after the interview finished and the position was offered, i was told there would be no raise, and i would still be responsible for getting credit cards even though i don't have a register. what the hell!

[The Last Archimedean]

Perky, the instant creepo invaded your personal space by touching you, you should have been yelling "GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME!" He sounds like a rapist-in-training.

I'm glad you got out of that mess without him trying anything more than he did.

[Hapax Legomenon]

Perky, my husband worked for one of those windshield companies. What they actually wanted you to do was walk around all day to different companies and trying to convince people they needed new ones. I wouldn't be surprised if the company you interviewed with was also selling Kirby vacuums!

[Lamer]

I did a cattle call at a GOVERNMENT job!!! Wtf? I got the job, but not the issue. Apparently after my position, they went to individual interviews. Don't forget to look at government, it takes a long time, but worth it if you need medical benefits.

[Hellbound Alleee]

I had a cattle-call at Target. As Queer Geek said, a lot of them were wearing casual clothes. Casual might not be a strong enough word.

Over to my left sat a young guy who was filthy, wore ripped jeans and flip-flops (or was it sandals?). I assumed that he would be passed over.

Guess they were desperate, because who do you think was training on register with me the next day?

[NC Tony]

I had a cattle call interview when I got my job at Soul's. The funny thing is I'm the only one left out of the whole group of people I interviewed with. In fact of all the people I interviewed with, I think only one other person ended up getting a job. She quit several months later due to personal issues.

[Nomnom]

My first job I interviewed and hired for one set of job duties and when I was hired it was completely and totally not what I interviewed for or thought I was hired for.

Another interview I went to was about 2-3 hours away. I drove all the way up there and when I got there the interviewer and his stupid smiling face told me oh, I hired someone for that position already, he's so great! And I was like ... Good for you. Why didn't he just, you know INTERVIEW ME and not tell me I wasted my time driving up there?

[Kittycow]

I interviewed for a major British orchestra (admin position), which involved a 3 hour train journey each way. The interview lasted no more than 15 minutes, they suddenly decided they wouldn't pay my travel expenses after all (almost £100) and best of all:

they made it clear from the very start of the interview that it was simply going through the motions. Apparently they had really liked someone they interviewed THE DAY BEFORE and were just doing all the other interviews before offering him the job. The job market in classical music is brutal, but that was just insulting.

[Mandy]

I once applied for a job that was advertised as being a receptionist at a doctor's office. I showed up and was ushered into this big empty room with a TV and some chairs set up on one side. Turned out to be for a pyramid scheme selling supplements. After they made us watch this video raving about how great the company was (but giving no real information about the actual PRODUCT), I walked out.

[JacklynHyde]

There was a lovely time when I sent in my resume with five years of finance experience specializing in troubleshooting and handling customer correspondence issues. After TWO interviews at Pursuit Bank's regional office, they let me know they were looking for someone to read and sort their mail. I stood up, said, "I'm sorry you've wasted my time," and marched out.

[BrianTheWerewolf]

About a year ago, I answered a Craig's List ad for a customer service representative for DirectTV. The written job description stated that the candidate would be ideally trained 1 year plus with customer service experience, computer and Microsoft OS/Office experience and good with handling phone calls and customer interactions with billing and features.

When I got to the office, the office was shabby and not really what I expected but I gave it a chance. Once I was called back, the interview was a guy not much younger/older than myself with spiky hair and an attitude slicker than oil on water.

He sat me down and told me super fast without breathing that the "customer service position" was actually someone who drove their own vehicle all around God's creation and sold DirectTV door to door.

He did his best selling and every minute that went by of the five minute interview my eyebrows went higher and higher in disbelief.

When the five minutes were up and my eyebrows higher than Spock's, I stated simply that I was decieved about the position type and was not interested. He didn't apologize but told me thank you for wasting my time and showed me the door.

People are wack jobs.

[NumismaticNerd]

Had a cattle-call for the amusement park I worked in... Every year... And for the Halloween 'haunted' park. Newbies were mixed with people who'd been there 5+ years

[Register Pony]

Yes! That's happened to me before too! I went to an interview (it was also a group interview, but eh) for what I thought was going to be doing filing or clerical work for the Muscular Dystrophy Association...but it turned out they needed phone solicitors for donations and we were all bamboozled. MDA is a worthy charity, but I cannot do phone soliciting. It was disappointing.

[Tanz]

My first ever job 'interview' (and job) was for a local supermarket. They put up signs on the school noticeboard and everyone who rang the phone number given were told to turn up at a set day and time. There was no interview as such; we were ushered into a room, given a contract to sign and they refused to tell us the pay rate until after we'd signed (employment contracts had only just been introduced in NZ back then, and we were all naive teenagers who didn't have a clue, so none of us spoke up). But the best bit was when we were told to wait as the bakery staff were coming to pick a new trainee from amongst our number. Two male bakers came in, loudly proclaimed that we girls were "too ugly" to work alongside them, and picked out the only guy in the group to train up. The rest of us were sent to checkout training.

A decade or so later there was the radio DJ job I was offered and declined. I was suspicious from the start, as they'd called me out of the blue but were vague about where they'd gotten my details from (although they'd obviously listened to my tape and seen my CV). Plus I was 6 months pregnant and they didn't seem to care. They promised me full control over my own show but each time I talked to them the amount of control I had was lessened and the amount of other work I was expected to do grew, as did the number of hours they were expecting from me per week. And the salary was subtly downgraded. I turned them down and later heard that they were in serious financial crap and had to sell out to a big company who I'd worked for in the past (and hated).

And then there was the client at another station who loved my style so much she wanted to offer me freelance work in PR and media management! Except what she really wanted was someone to cold call and sell her crappy supplements.

These days I'm instantly wary of any offer.

[AmigaTech]

Ratty clothing isn't all bad.

I got a job after an interview that had taken place just while I was on the way home from two weeks camping in Idaho. I probably looked like Ted Kacyznski's crazy brother.

But (blow my own horn here) I knew my stuff, I got the job, and after a couple of days in which I could take a shower and do laundry, I did the job.

Clothes do NOT make the man.

--AT

[Less Than Zero]

I work at an Adult store at the moment, and we had a group interview ... I was less than thrilled going in, especially because this was my fifth interview in like a month and all of the others had declined me ... but the interview itself was actually pretty good. I would go out to dinner with all of those people, because they were amazing. The interviewers were literally in tears laughing at one point. (It was the "if you were an animal, what would you be" question that everyone hates. Someone replied "Honey Badger".)

I'm pretty sure I got the job because I could correctly identify all the bondage gear they showed us. But the other girl they hired had former management experience, and I could tell they were hugely gung-ho about having her ... until she stopped showing up for shifts and just never called them back. Now I look like the golden employee.

Other than that, most of the group interviews I've had have been just horrible, though. I never know what to say that doesn't sound like I'm copying the person before me, or being full of myself in front of everyone.

[The Last Archimedean]

I've only been to one group interview. I stayed polite the whole time but the questions were dumb and the potential co-workers even dumber. I waited until after everyone else had left and politely told the management I was no longer interested in the job.

[Skittles]

I've worked at a number of different places but two interviews stand out.
1. I responded to a craigslist ad for a showroom sales positiion. When I got to the interview it was in an obviously rented for one day craphole office. After about two minutes it was obvious that it was door to door sales, and they wanted me as a manager. Which is odd as I had very little experience none of which was supervisory. So I played dumb and excited about the oportunity and drug the process out for two days of calling back and forth with another interview. When I recieved the final call I informed them I wasn't interested. I figure if they are going to waste my time I should waste theirs. I should probably mention that I would have had to pay about $500 for show products to take door to door, and I would not have been managing anyone but myself.

2. I went to an interview for a position doing homeles outreach work. I went to an office that was oddly narrow and long, where I sat between two managers doing the interview. So literally I could only look at one at a time. They then proceeded to bombard me with questions about my personal life and hobbys. Not one question made any reference to the job I had applied for. The wierdest part was they would interupt eachother constantly with no apparent concern. If it wasn't for the second interview with a different much more professional manager I never would have taken a position with the company. ALthough now I'm pretty sure I should have stuck with the gas station I was working at.

[Lux]

I've had something similar happen to me twice- I'd applied for tech support job with an insurance company and got an interview - only to turn up to find it was a group interview for telephone customer sevice jobs - I walked out of that one.

The other one was when I'd applied for a play tester job with a big local games company, only for HR to offer me a job doing admin in a town an hours drive away (I dont have a car).

The only thin i can think is they didn't want girls mucking around with their computers!

[A.]

I once saw a company advertise on the web pages of the employment office (their website seems to always attract a lot of wackos and scammers). They were hiring lots of office staff, for various positions, so I phoned them; I forget what the position I applied for was called, possibly something to the lines of office assistant or something-or-other-coordinator. They asked me to come around for an interview, and I agreed.

However, before the day of my interview arrived, I googled them as thoroughly as possible. There wasn't much, but it did turn out they owed money to at least one company. I went all the same - I was in serious need of employment.

The interviewer was a young fellow; I was asked to fill in a (very brief) questionnaire beforehand. Something warned me against giving my social security number, so I left it blank. During the interview I learned what it was they did: they sold Kirby vacuum cleaners! I had never heard of them before (they're not as famous outside of the US, I guess, and I never even knew such a product was sold here), but the interview was far from convincing.

Worst of all, I was told my pay would depend on the success of my team! (Although my position wouldn't be directly related to sales) I think I have never been so close to walking out laughing as in this interview. I also seriously felt like telling the bloke to go fuck himself. What did they think gave them the right to live off people's misery like that? I felt so sorry for all the other people that I saw come in for an interview. I left and thought that was that - I had certainly showed no enthusiasm whatsoever during my farce of an interview.

This wasn't the end of the story, though. Maybe a week later I got a call from the same company, from a fellow who was obviously new and working for/as their HR department. He told me he was calling me as "We received a phone call from your number last week". WTF? I told him, no, I had already been there for an interview...? He told me he would find out if I had been picked to be hired(!!) and call me back. He never did, thank God.

I did see more of their advertisements later, under several company names that all sounded very similar. (I think at least a couple of them owed some other company money, as well.)

[Pixie]

I did a couple of cattle-call interviews for sales positions, one of them being for an entertainment company that promotes paintball venues. Having gone paintballing with my university's sci-fi society, (we actually did pretty decent for a bunch of nerds! Must be all those hours playing first-person shooters), I was pretty cool with selling it to other folks.

Now, I expected that the group interview would be something of a sausage-fest. No surprises there. What I didn't expect was to be the only gal present besides the hiring manager, sitting there for forty minutes while she flirted aggressively with all the other interviewees and assured me my sales would only get better with the warmer weather because then "you can get your boobs out." Also, a hearty smattering of rape jokes.

I was delighted to walk out and remember that the paintball establishment my friends had gone to belonged to the interviewer's competitors.

[Nocturnesthesia]

I see I'm far from the only one people have tried to con into hawking their shitty supplements. I think the funniest phone conversation I've ever had was an interview where I straight up told the "hiring manager" that the "company" sounded like a huge pyramid scam and she still spent 20 more minutes trying to convince me to work there. I'm pretty sure a legitimate hiring manager would have hung up then and there, but what do I know...

[ShioriTsumi]

Ugh.....YES. I've been looking for a job where I can do paperwork (which I, in a weird turn of events, am good at and genuinely enjoy doing) especially for insurance. (something I also somewhat enjoy.) I was called to a group briefing on an insurance company, dressed up to the point of even wearing a tie....(I'm a woman, seriously.) Then I found out that, despite seeing on my resumee that I was only interested in paperwork and calling me because they saw my resume, they were looking only for insurance salesmen. Who had to pay their own gas money to go talk to people in their own, and wouldn't get paid a dime until they finished a 9-month orientation. And took a test for obtaining a certificate that said they were legal to sell insurance. Which they also had to pay for out of their pocket.

*sighs* As you can guess, I'm still looking.