Retail Slaves As Custys: Dining With A Horrible Custy

From Karebear:

I know many of us have to deal with rude and piss poor custys while working. I have had my fair share over the years, and I am sure anyone in retail has experienced at least 1....dozen or so of these types. Most of us are just encouraged to get through it as nicely as possible, so we won't have to face the possibility of losing our jobs. 

However, I come asking what do you do when you are WITH someone who is this horrible custy?

Why do I ask?

Well, I got a little story for you.

My son started school this week, and I was blessed with a day off this week. Son goes to school for 3 hours in the morning (kindergarten) so a friend and I decided to go grab a bite to eat while we are waiting out those 3 hours. (Her daughter is in the same class.) I shall call her Barbie, since she reminds me of a real life barbie doll. 

Barbie and I decided to hit up a small pancake house. It was fairly quiet, only one other family was there. Family had two hellspawns though. They were running around pretty wildly while Mommy and Daddy ate their food. (Remember this, as it's important later.) 

While being seated and ordering our food, Barbie acts like a normal human being. We chit chatted and so on about random girly stuff. I am facing the kitchen, so I can see our food coming out. However the other family's hellspawns decided to run out right in front of our waiter, knocking into him and sending all our food to the floor. It was obvious that he tried very hard to keep ahold of the food, but with two hellspawns playing monkey in the middle with his feet, it was either the food or all 3 of them falling over. 

So after getting the food covered kids back to their parents with loads of towels and napkins, the waiter comes over to explain that our food was being remade and that he was sorry. I state that it's okay and understandable, but Barbie just flips her lid. She went on about how horrible the service was there, how she is going to be late picking her kid up now (we still had over 2 hours before we had to be back), and that she wanted our whole bill reduced or for free. Now only was she screaming and yelling, she was swearing too. I had my 1 year old with me, and I am not very happy about that type of language being said in front of her. 

I tried to get her to calm down, saying it wasn't the waiter's fault, that I saw what happened and he was lucky he didn't fall flat on his face either. Barbie just turns to me and says, "You're such a suck up. Of course it's his fault." 

Needless to say I wasn't very happy about any of this. I felt bad for the waiter. I requested my food be boxed up so I could just take it home. I wasn't going to sit around and hear her hate. Not to mention my 1 year old was sitting there saying "Shit shit shit" now because of her. 

When I got my food, I saw that the waiter gave me a discount. I paid it, then put the difference in the tip along with the tip of what would have been for the normal price. (If that makes any sense.) Needless to say the tip was bigger than the actual bill, and I apologized over and over, as well as write a little note of apology, for my friend. 

Later I got a text from my friend saying that I was an idiot for doing all that. I just told her to try working a retail job (something she never has before) and see how long she lasts against people like herself. 

So RHU, was I in the wrong?

Should I have handled it differently? It's not like the waiter was throwing our plates of food to the ground on purpose. 

Peace and love and other stuff,

--Karebear

 

Comments

[Greenhouse Gal]

I think you handled it *perfectly*--and I'm willing to bet you made that waiter's day.

If I were you, I'd likely never go out to eat with that particular friend again (although I'm basing that solely on this one story, I'm sure there's much more to the friendship than one bad restaurant experience).

[annoyedinsanecashier]

I see no possible way you could be in the wrong here, and I'd be curious as to why you even think you could be in the wrong. Your friend had no right to go off like that on the waiter, and you handled the situation to the best of your ability. You increased the tip, apologized to the waiter for your friend's jackassery, you did what you could, and should have done.

[Megasthenic]

Absolutely not! She was being extremely rude not only to the waiter but to you. I understand being upset at having to wait, especially if you're hungry (I get cranky on an empty stomach); but if anyone deserved some acid it was the parents of the misbehaving kids. You acted more than kindly, and that woman should be ashamed of herself, behaving like that in front of an infant!

[Ilia]

*affixes a halo above your head*

No Karebear. If anything you probably managed to salvage that poor slave's night somewhat. You have the patience of a saint, because you did not choke Barbie unconscious; for her abusive behavior, for her language, and for her terrible example in front of your impressionable child.

In trying to think up an answer to your question of "what should be done when you're with a hellish customer" ...see above? Okay okay, probably a bad idea to let your little one watch mommy choke a bitch, no matter how deserved...

Your telling her to see how well she does under similar circumstances is a good start. I would recommend also being very clear that until she can act like a calm, rational adult, you don't want to be seen with her at any form of restaurant that does not have a drive-thru option. You do not appreciate her verbal abuse or the way she thoroughly embarrassed you in public. Tell her this, very clearly, and let the rule stand firm, even if you have to eat home packed lunches or drive-thru for a little while. If she brings up a nicer restaurant, ask her if she's going to repeat the horrible experience she put you through last time. Make it very clear that what happens next is all on whether or not she can act like someone you WANT to have as a friend.

[Mary C]

You were in the right, she was in the wrong. I think you handled it very well. If it were me, I would never go anywhere near that woman again!

[Terry Everton]

If I were you I'd get a new "friend." Barbie is the sort of oxygen-waster we in the restaurant industry go out of our way to target with the sort of revenge tactics customers cringe upon hearing about, and we take tremendous glee in exacting. To call her a piece of shit is an insult to upstanding turds everywhere.

[Bored at the Bookstore]

As they say in this town, "What a mensch!" ( and that's a very good thing to be, indeed).

You did exactly what I or any other normal person would have done... I would definitely have had to restrain an urge to dummy-slap Barbie, the spoiled brat. Teaching your one-year-old a not-so-nice new word; that's a definite noNOno! Barbie would be removed from my lunchtime-pal list, probably forever.

Thank you, Karebear, for doing your darnedest to rectify a bad situation that was not of your making. That server will no doubt remember you with kindness..

[Chicajojobe]

Wrong? Pfft!
Probably would have totally lost my temper and said something that would end the friendship in response to being called a "suck up."
I don't mean to offend, but she really doesn't sound like a nice person even as a friend.

[GlitterSpatters]

I think you handled it perfectly. I'm also seconding the advice to be very clear with her that her behavior is wrong and that you will not be going anywhere with her if she continues it.

I suppose the thing to remember is this old saw:
Someone who is nice to you, but not nice to the waiter, IS NOT NICE.

[The Last Archimedean]

You handled it perfectly. And "Barbie" doesn't deserve a friend like you. I'd sever my ties with her until she learns how to behave in public.

[Kristina]

You did nothing wrong. I'm with the rest ditch the airhead and find a better lunch partner. Sucking up? HA. And when she asks why explain to her that you'd rather go out to lunch with someone who can act like an adult and not like a kindergartner.

I'm so glad I don't know anyone like this, probably because they know I would go off on them.

[Queer Geek]

I agree with all the posters. Barbie needs to work in the service industry to learn a little humility.

[BookishGirl]

I simply do not understand this obsession of USians with getting their meals free or discounted for imagined slights or simple mistakes (and blaming the staff for things over which they have no control). Seriously?? HTFU!

[The Last Archimedean]

BookishGirl, the only time this US-ian would even consider asking for a discount on a meal would be if I was the customer with the steak in this old-as-the-hills urban legend:

A man goes into a British restaurant and orders a steak. After it arrives, he takes one bite and rises angrily from his seat. With his plate in his hand, he stalks over to the manager and says, "This steak is unfit for human consumption. I'm going to take it into the kitchen and shove it down the chef's throat." The manager replies with, "Sir, you will have to control yourself and be possessed of patience. There are a beef stew and a coconut custard pie in line ahead of you."

Barring anything that extreme, I would eat [or not eat] my food when it arrived, and if I didn't like it, I'd remember to order something else the next time. I would NEVER treat a waiter or waitress the way this b!tch did. And most US-ans I know feel the same way I do. It's just the entiled jerks who give us all a bad rep.

[Fortune Cookie]

I, too, agree. You handled it perfectly. <3

Also, that "woman" needs to be off your lunch-list for a while until she can behave herself. *nods firmly*

[L]

I agree you handled it well; it was completely out of the waiter's control, and Barbie is unreasonable and childish! I hope you can find another lunch buddy.

[CharlieWhiskyMike]

@Queer Geek
I´m afraid that Barbie will be unable to learn for her own life and behavior. She will still be a terrible customer.

@Karebear
I think you handled this situation in a good way and did nothing wrong. I think your "friend" was mad about you because you maybe could have destroyed her chance to take the cheapest reason to reduce the bill and she transferred her bad conscience about her bad manners to you.

[Nomnom]

Please, Barbie was clearly in the wrong.

I almost wish I was friends with someone crazy so I could find out what I would do in this situation.
Almost.

[NC Tony]

She told you you were an idiot for being overly nice to make up for her bitchiness? You should have told her she was an idiot for blaming the poor waiter when the real venom should have been aimed at the parents of the kids who caused the waiter to fall in the first place. So I'm throwing in with all the other posters that you should let Barbie know, in no uncertain terms that unless she learns to treat people in the service industry (especially people who are handling her food) better, you'll be finding other ways to pass the 3 hours waiting for school to let out.

[CopyCenterDude]

Things happen, and you handled it with class. Never asked for discounts, but when things happen I always split the discount with the waitstaff, it isn't their fault. If I'm hungry and need to get food down sooner than remaking it will take I just ask to have a quick to make appetizer added to my order (and my bill).

I've gotten a lot better service in the long run by just being a decent human being. Most of the places I go to I go to often, I'd rather have a reputation for tipping well, being polite, and handling problems like an adult.

[shuichiboy]

I would never, ever speak to "Barbie" again. Ever. I have absolutely zero patience for mean people.

Never forget Dave Barry's adage: "A person who is nice to you and rude to the waiter is not a nice person."

[Framed]

I will second the "perfectly" comment. You made your displeasure at her behavior clear without doing anything to embarass her further than her own actions already had. That is probably also the reason she called you an idiot- she knows you acted with grace, class, and understanding, showed her up and made her momentarily feel bad about her actions; something that the "it's all about me" crowd hate, so she tried to make you feel stupid and regain the upper hand.

If she asks you out again, make it clear that the last outing left you with a bad taste in your mouth, so while you have enjoyed her company before, you don't want to be associated with that behavior, nor can you afford to always be adding extra money to your outing in terms of tips to make up for her childish behavior.

[Chicajojobe]

@Bookish girl,
Is the America bashing really necessary? We have enough Brits and Aussies here to prove crusty behavior transcends nationality.

[Hellbound Alleee]

Unfortunately, it tends to be true that we in the US are known for trying to get our meals discounted for slight mistakes. This is not common anywhere else.

It's funny because we wouldn't dream of doing it in any other business transaction.

[LadyLatte]

You were so in the right it isn't even funny. Never talk to that person again if you can manage it. And I'm really impressed with the waiter's ability to not throttle your (former) friend or the hellspawn!

[Nick]

Not to be old fashioned but anyone who would curse freely in front of a child like that has anger issues.

[Spritzy]

Chicajojobe ~I think Bookishgirl was calling self-centered people "US-ians" , people who only care/think/worry about themselves.

[Terry Everton]

Actually, BookishGirl makes a damn good point. Most of this "bitch until you get it for free" mentality is encouraged and perpetuated by corporate retail and restaurant entities, thus rewarding the lowest common denominators and allowing them to run roughshod over hourly employees in the process. Dickwart Regional Managers also usually threaten the employment of unit managers if they allow customer complaints to reach the corporate office level, so out of self-preservation they cave in to scumbags who are looking to get as much as they can for as little as possible.

[Mollywobbles]

Karebear, I have no idea how you didn't start screeching right back at her for her behavior, especially the "Oh, hey, you taught my child a new word. Isn't that wonderful?" part. Yelling at a waiter for something out of his control is one thing, cursing in front of a one-year-old is another. And telling you you're a "suck-up" for siding with him? With friends like this woman, who needs enemies?

Reminds me of the time I was with my BFF for a family get-together - her family, not mine. She had this aunt who arrived last out of the entire (quite large) family. It was a buffet-style place on a very busy day, and most of the fam was already about halfway through their meals when Auntie arrives. Well, about five minutes after the waitress who seated the fam stops by to check on everyone's drink refills, etc., Auntie goes ballistic on the poor girl. "We've been here for five minutes, you didn't seat us when we walked in and we had to find our family on our own, when I sat down you didn't come over and ask what we wanted to drink, there isn't so much as a glass of water at this seat," and on and on and on and on and on. The poor girl was nearly in tears as she took Auntie's drink order and left to get Auntie a plate and silverware, and as soon as the waitress was gone, my BFF's Cool Mom rounded on her sister and told her that "everyone was having a good time until that little tirade, you made that poor girl cry and she was just trying to do her job, you can't expect her to inherently know that you're with us, she's got about 10 other tables she's waiting on, and you should be ashamed of your behavior." Auntie tried to retaliate, but it was an incredibly weak argument and she knew it and she promptly shut up and sipped on her husband's glass of water, defeated. I'd never been prouder of my "Second Mom".

[Lita]

Wow, Barbie was being an utter rat. She sounds like the sort who, if she had children, would be completely convinced they could do Absolutely No Wrong and that anything bad they did was clearly someone else's fault because her crotchspawn are PERFECT.

Or maybe I've seen way too many sanctimommies that act just like that.

You acted flawlessly, Karebear. I'm willing to bet that waiter really appreciated it - I know I sure would!

[NC Tony]

@ Lita: She does have a kid. Her daughter is in the same class as KB's son. Scary, isn't it?

[WMDKitty]

Okay, now I gotta know -- how many STFUP-ers do we have here?

*raises paw*

[Skittles]

I think you responded perfectly to the situation. Also bonus points for reminding me of all the fun I had teaching my sister how to swear when she was learning how to talk.

[Larry Berry]

"@Bookish girl,
Is the America bashing really necessary? We have enough Brits and Aussies here to prove crusty behavior transcends nationality."

I didn't see it so much as America bashing (being American myself). There is bad crusty behavior of all nationalities. However the complaining to try to get free stuff seems to a an American crusty behavior. Other nationalities are crusties in different ways.

[Framer-Fatal]

I think you responded incredibly well. If it were me, I would then leave her an e-mail along the lines of "Barbie, while I have enjoyed our time together before, your behavior at pankcake house was unacceptable. I was incredibly insulted by your calling me a suck-up and deeply embarassed by your poor behavior. Furthermore, I don't appreciate anyone cursing in front of my children, and since I had little one-year-old with me, she now has a new favorite word.
I'm sorry, but I can't condone such incredibly rude behavior alone or with my children present. As such, until your behavior changes I will not be going out to lunch with you again."

[Lita]

Oh. Derp. I apparently managed to miss that whole section where KB said her son was in the same class as Barbie's daughter. My fault, I'm sorry!

...I'm still inclined to say sanctimommy.

(And I too haunt STFUP, Kitty - I just don't comment, at least not yet!)

[Alli]

Re: America

Not all of us US Americans are discount scamming but I remember my mother calling me one morning several years ago when the economy was all anyone talked about (or when it began anyway) and said to be on high alert because some morning show (I want to say Good Morning America or something with Martha Stewart... One of those popular programs) had a guest on who had written a book on saving money and told the world that if you complain enough, you get discounts or free stuff.

I think that's when the madness really started to upswing, and the companies are so afraid of losing customers that they tell everyone to just allow it. Who cares about the peons anyway right?

Then they turn around and ask why our food cost is so high..,

[Jami]

Heck, you handled it better than I would. I would've thrown a hissy fit at the friend, call her a horrible person, say that it wasn't the waiter's fault that the other parents can't control their brats, and that she owed the waiter an apology and should get on her knees to do it.