The Brit Escapes Pizza Hell

Awesome stuff has happened, ladies and germs.

I had two back-to-back interviews at Entire Vittles.  I was nervous as hell going in.  My good friend who works in Prepared Foods, Q-bert, had talked me up big time to his superiors when I put in the application.  They called me the previous week and scheduled an interview for the following Monday.  Unfortunately it was during my shift at the Pit and I couldn't get anyone to cover for me, so I called the hiring manager, Bean, who cheerfully pushed it to Wednesday, one of my many days off.  I took the bus and scampered in happily.  Q-bert was texting me beforehand, being generally awesome and telling me I was going to rock it out.  I sat with Bean and another dude whose name I can't remember and likely won't be interacting much with, and they asked me the usual questions: why do you wanna work here, what're you like as a worker, etc etc.  They were apparently impressed with my answers and Bean asked me to come in the following day at 3.  I had a slip of personality and said "Oh hell yes" which made him laugh, so I trotted back home and prepared myself for the next day.  

That day turned out to be fairly tiring.  I swear that the bus system in my city is specifically engineered by Satan himself to be as inconvenient as possible.  My bus left at 2, which one would think would be ample time to get me from one end of the city to half way downtown, but no.  It was late, and I had rolled my bad ankle doing a death-march from my house to the bus stop (about two miles), so I limped onto the bus and settled in with some Marilyn Manson.  

Then we stopped to pick up pretty much everyone and their brother, making us later.  A lady with a bicycle came on and could not for the life of her figure out how to put her bike onto the rack on the front of the bus.  She seriously fucked it around for about ten minutes.  I was about ready to bash my head against the window, especially since I could see the beautiful building of Entire Vittles looming in the distance, though it was too far to get out and walk to, but she eventually figured it out and we got there two minutes late to my interview.  

I hate being late to anything so I was about jumping out of my skin and hobbled as fast as I could to the service desk, puffed that I was there for an interview with Bean, then sat on the stool at the food bar gingerly massaging my ankle.  Bean turned out to be fifteen minutes behind schedule, so I had time to text Q-bert, who was about to go into work, and tell him of my bus ride.  

I could hear him laughing from where I was.  Bean eventually showed up with another chick in tow, and they sat down and basically asked me the same questions as the previous day.  Bean then looked me in the face, and said "I need you to think very carefully about this next question, as it is very important."

I gulped and said "I'll do my best."

He laced his fingers together, stared at me for a few seconds, then asked "What is the air velocity of an unladen swallow?"

My head nearly exploded from amazement.  I must've looked like I swallowed a fly.  I then cocked my head and asked "Are we talking African or European?"

He grinned and slid some paperwork my way.  

So I was instantly hired.  I filled it out then bounced over to Pizza where I told Q-bert and he gave me an enormous hug, then went on his break and walked with me around the store, as we do.

I went into the Pit yesterday to tell Rude.  I was ready to finish out my week, but being Rude, he abruptly told me there was no need and put out his hand for my key.  I gave him the key, thanked him for the opportunity, and laughed in Shanaynay's fat stupid face.  She had heard where I was about to work, since I had been discussing it with Trip, and knew that I was going to start a base salary of way more than she was making at the Pit after two years of working there.  HA BITCH!

I'm very excited and very happy.

Love, kisses and organic produce,

--TheBrit

 

 

Comments

[Mollywobbles]

Congratulations on getting out of that Hell! *huggles* I hope Shanaynay manages to pull her head out of her own ass long enough to seethe about your base salary before re-inserting it roughly back where it was before removal. That'll show her. Anyway, congrats again! ^_^

[LadyRed]

Congratulations, Im so glad you escaped that place. I agree with what mollywobbles said about Sanaynay, and hopefully rude will be upset about it too since he was such a jerk.

[Snagglefrog]

I think I would've had a heart attack if someone asked me that question at a job interview. Congrats on the new job! :)

[Jami]

First off, congratulations. Second, I'm totally jealous you've got a boss who makes Monty Python refrences.

[Bored at the Bookstore]

Excellent! May you have much happiness there, and rise quickly to a position of prominence, responsibility, and Big Paychecks!

[cashykat]

Yay Congrats!

[Megsong23]

Welcome to the team Brit! I also am at an Entire Vittles...and have...pretty much no complaints...except one coirker, but that's minor. Bennies are out of this world!

[Kiliana Nightwolf]

@Megsong23 When you said Bennies, my mind instantly thought of Benedict Cumberbatch and I was all, "Yes. Yes he is." Then I thought about it for a second and it came to me that you were talking about benefits. XD

[trekkiebabe31]

Yay, congratulations! :)

[Megsong23]

Well that too Kiliana

[Minidoc]

Yay and congrats!

[The Last Archimedean]

Congrats! I hope this works out for you.

[Book Baby]

Now you can eat healthy food, get great pay and have awesome coworkers. Can life get any better? :)

[Skittles]

@Book Baby
Maybe if they gave free puppies to all new employees?

[Nomnom]

Nah, as a crazy dog person no one should ever, ever in a million, zillion years EVER give me a puppy as a surprise present. I'm extremely particular.

[BPFH]

Congrats. :)

"I swear that the bus system in my city is specifically engineered by Satan himself to be as inconvenient as possible."

Why yes, yes it was. Mildly ironic, given that the city itself is seriously pushing public transportation. And just think--the people who run that bus system have delusions of being able to run a county-wide transit system!

[Fortune Cookie]

Hooray!!!!

[Tanz]

Way to go! Congrats on the new job - and points to Bean and co. for the Monty Python reference. Gotta love a boss like that :)

[Lorie]

When I was a manager I use to ask applicants to name all four ninja turtles. The only problems I had with my employees tended to be call outs during Comic con. Completely understandable BTW.

[Pixie]

Congratumalations on escaping Pizza Hell, hopefully for good now! Sounds like you are off to a great start already, I would susplode with glee if I were asked anything like that during an interview :D

[NC Tony]

*does the happy dance for you*

[Mollywobbles]

@Lorie Nice! Wish I could apply where you're hiring, I'd get the job in a snap. Good that you're so understanding about people taking off for Comic Con, too lol