Corner Store Hell: Drunken Custy

Oh. My. God.

Who the hell gets shit faced drunk on a Tuesday night?(Well, I suppose anyone can, but it's not something I normally see around here.) Then of course, Drunkie had to make a HUGE scene while completely out of his mind drunk. 

So...here's what happened....Brace yourself kiddies, you're in for a ride.

Tank and I are both sick. My parental units are taking care of my kiddies so I don't infect them with ugly germs. (It's only a bad stomach flu, but I don't want my son to miss school from it, nor do I ever have alot of energy whenever I am sick.) Somewhere along the time in my illness - whole 1 and half days of it so far - we figured Tank's sofa was more comfortable for me than my own bed. Think I got talked into it with the words "No left over ugly germs left at your house then for the kids" and "I know you won't die then if you stay here."

Well, we ran out of the magical chicken noodle soup, bottled water (Tank's tap water is nasty) and meds. We were both past the fevers and such. He seemed to have recovered more quickly and returned back to his normal Tankness. I, on the other hand, was still very tired and loopy. But I was also getting very antsy staying in the house all day long and wanted/needed some fresh air. I thought a 10 minute trip to the store and back would be fine.

We went to a little corner store that stays open late and is decently priced. I waited outside while Tank filled up his basket full of magical flu cureness stuff. I decided to stand outside to get some fresh air, and of course locked myself out of the car in the process. Tank took the keys with him, so I just sat on the hood of the car to wait.

That's when Drunkie and Shitfaced pulled up.

I couldn't tell which one was more drunk, but I could literally smell them from two parking spots away. One of them had to be driving drunk because there was no one else in the car. That made me a little nervous about driving back home. And of course my cellphone was locked in the car. I did take note of their license plates and told myself I would call it in when I got back in the car.

Shitfaced went into the store....Drunkie stayed out to try to hit me up. Cause you know, I guess drunken sex is life's answer. At first he was just all "Hey baby, wanna come home with me tonight?" etc. I just answered that I would only end up infecting him with something that might kill a normal human being. (Shh, I have super powers, don't tell!) But of course, no was not the answer he wanted, nor would he accept it. He literally sat next to me on the hood and tried kissing me! When I tried climbing off the hood to go inside by Tank he grabbed my arm to try to stop me...soooo I slapped his face. And since Drunkie was drunk...he fell off the side of the car and busted his lip.

That was my cue to run inside by Tank. Something I was trying to avoid because I didn't want to infect anything. (I made sure not to touch anything.) Told Tank what happened. Drunkie followed me in and tried to make a move to grab me again. The following took place:

Tank: I wouldn't do that if I were you. [meaning: don't touch her!]

Drunkie: Yeah? What you *hiccup* g-g-going to d-d-dooo about it? *hiccup*

*Drunkie made a move to try to grab for me again* [note: Tank and Drunkie were about the same size and height.]

Tank: I said DON"T. Last warning, dude. I suggest you leave her alone. Now.

Drunkie: Ooooh...soooo scared. *reaches to try to grab me, yet again*

POW! Tank had Drunkie on the floor so fast...it was like Superman speed fast. Sometime between then...and then...Drunkie realized he was no match for Tank and just decided to stay on the ground. Or maybe he had finally past out from all the booze in his system. I don't know...I found a bench and sat on my ass because I was feeling loopy from my illness and the added stress the whole thing caused.

The employees had already dialed 911 by now. Turns out one witnessed the exchange in the parking lot between me and Drunkie.Also turns out, Shitfaced was using the whole thing as a distraction to try to shoplift some beer. Only...being all shitfaced and everything, he wasn't very quiet about it.

Of course we had to stay to make statements and shit. I don't even remember what I said to the police. I don't even know if i made a statement, or if they just took Tanks and the employees. I just remember curling up on the bench to try to catch some z's. Lesson learned. Never leave the house while sick.

So, an hour after the normal 10 minutes this run should have taken, we were finally able to pay and leave. Tank had to carry me out the door. I was pretty stressed about the whole thing, thanking my lucky stars I didn't go alone. Tank tried to cheer me up some on the way home. "See, even while you're sick, you're still so beautiful that creepy drunk guys have to cause a scene just to get your attention. I'm one lucky son of a bitch," is what he said. Luckily, it was dark so he couldn't see my insane blush cause he called me beautiful.

...Oh yea, Tank and I started dating. This marked our 1 week of being official. (So high school of me, I know.) Hopefully 1 month and 1 year are a little more romantic than this.

As always, may your custies be more well behaved. ...And sober.

--Karebear <3

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Skittles]

How on earth do all the fucked up creepy ass holes keep finding you? Tank sounds like a real stand up guy though so congrats to the two of you.

[The Last Archimedean]

I hope you get healthy soon.

I kind of figured you'd end up dating Tank. He sounds like a wonderful catch, and I wish the two of you well.

[Office Slave]

I have followed your story about creepy stalker guy, and I thought that Tank was a great guy and a keeper. So glad that you two are dating!

[Wmdkitty]

Tank sounds like a keeper -- lucky~♥

[L]

I agree, Tank is a dream come true! Hang onto him!

[Kiddo]

*hugs* Hope you feel better soon Karebear! Congrats on you and Tank too!

[Nomnom]

So glad you're dating Tank!
I wish I had a Tank. :(

[Karebear]

@Skittles: I seriously wish I knew. Really wish I knew lol.

[perky]

Congrats on you and Tank!

[cashykat]

Yay you're with Tank now!

[kuroneko4276]

I've been reading your updates and hoping you and Tank would end up together! Best wishes to you both!

[ScanGunMonkey]

A good man will shoo the creepers away...a great man will shake the can of Whoopass before he opens it on them. Congrats, Karebear!!

[M]

I am so sorry the creepers keep finding you. But sounds like a great guy did too! :) Best of luck to you both.

[MuSicko]

Haha, I knew you two would end up together. Mazel tov!

[Mollywobbles]

Congrats to you and Tank! Near the end of the story I was wondering when you and he would start dating...glad I got my answer quickly! Congrats again, you deserve a wonderful guy like him!

[NC Tony]

Unfortunately, some women must have something about them that's like a signal to every creep in a 20 foot radius that says "Come harass me". A few lucky women also have a Tank nearby that has a six pack of Whoop Ass ready for those creeps.

Also, regarding you and Tank dating: It's about time! Congratulations. After all the crap you've been through, you deserve a stand up guy like him.

[photoslave]

NC Tony, forget 6 pack. He has whole 24 can case! Karebear, so glad you and Tank got together! I've kind of been hoping that would happen since you posted about all that unpleasantness several weeks ago. He sounds like a great guy that can keep the creepers away.

[The Last Archimedean]

I hope word starts getting around the creeper grapevine real soon "Don't mess with KareBear, that guy Tank will f*** you up if you try."

[Lita]

Congratulations, Karebear! I kinda hoped you'd end up with Tank, he sounds totally awesome! :)

[Bumblebee]

I second the rest. Finally!!!to echo the highschool-ness; i totally saw it coming and i wish nothing but the best for both of you! good god about the creepers...i'm the same way, but thankfully i've never had to deal with a pushy drunker-mc-drunkerson!

[Humor_Me]

I'm so glad I was able to log on reliably and see this! You deserve happiness after what you've been through : - D Nice to know your Attract-O-Magnet works better on the good guys. I'm going to be disappointed if I can't keep up with the updates.

P.S. How's the dog doing?

[Queer Geek]

I need to find my own Tank!

[Fortune Cookie]

*punches air* I knew you two would end up together from your first post he appeared in with the stalker dude. Also, can we clone Tank? I want one for myself.

[Framer-Fatal]

I think I speak for everyone who's into guy here that we would all like a clone of Tank, though I'm happy to have you keep the original. Yay!

But boo to you being a magnet for shit. I'm not digging that part.

[Legal Minion]

Yay for you and Tank! I hope you feel better soon.

[Nocturnesthesia]

I know the feeling of being a Creep Magnet-- I'm one, and my mother is as well. I'm not particularly attractive or small-statured, and I sure as hell am not very social... It must be some kind of asshole attracting pheromone.

I was kind of hoping the story was going to end with you puking on the idiot's shoes, but I suppose the ending was satisfying enough. Stay safe, it helps that you now have a boyfriend/personal bodyguard but definitely look into getting a hunting knife or at least some pepper spray depending on what's legal where you live.

[The Last Archimedean]

Pepper spray? Try actual Mace, if you can find it. Much more effective.

[DXKramer]

I, like pretty much everyone else, was wondering when you and Tank would start dating. It's about damn time! :)

Hope to hear from you around these parts again!

[Book Baby]

Hooray for Tank! Next time some idiot tries this, if Tank isn't around, hit the bridge of his nose with your cell phone. Trust me, you CAN break it with the average phone.

[m.]

Yeah I figured you guys would get together.

[LaserSpawn]

arc, fuck mace, use wasp spray! guaranteed they make a trip to the ER, and if you file a police report and tell them you used wasp spray, the cops can easily catch the asshole in question. >:D