Who the hell gets shit faced drunk on a Tuesday night?(Well, I suppose anyone can, but it's not something I normally see around here.) Then of course, Drunkie had to make a HUGE scene while completely out of his mind drunk.
So...here's what happened....Brace yourself kiddies, you're in for a ride.
Tank and I are both sick. My parental units are taking care of my kiddies so I don't infect them with ugly germs. (It's only a bad stomach flu, but I don't want my son to miss school from it, nor do I ever have alot of energy whenever I am sick.) Somewhere along the time in my illness - whole 1 and half days of it so far - we figured Tank's sofa was more comfortable for me than my own bed. Think I got talked into it with the words "No left over ugly germs left at your house then for the kids" and "I know you won't die then if you stay here."
Well, we ran out of the magical chicken noodle soup, bottled water (Tank's tap water is nasty) and meds. We were both past the fevers and such. He seemed to have recovered more quickly and returned back to his normal Tankness. I, on the other hand, was still very tired and loopy. But I was also getting very antsy staying in the house all day long and wanted/needed some fresh air. I thought a 10 minute trip to the store and back would be fine.
We went to a little corner store that stays open late and is decently priced. I waited outside while Tank filled up his basket full of magical flu cureness stuff. I decided to stand outside to get some fresh air, and of course locked myself out of the car in the process. Tank took the keys with him, so I just sat on the hood of the car to wait.
I couldn't tell which one was more drunk, but I could literally smell them from two parking spots away. One of them had to be driving drunk because there was no one else in the car. That made me a little nervous about driving back home. And of course my cellphone was locked in the car. I did take note of their license plates and told myself I would call it in when I got back in the car.
Shitfaced went into the store....Drunkie stayed out to try to hit me up. Cause you know, I guess drunken sex is life's answer. At first he was just all "Hey baby, wanna come home with me tonight?" etc. I just answered that I would only end up infecting him with something that might kill a normal human being. (Shh, I have super powers, don't tell!) But of course, no was not the answer he wanted, nor would he accept it. He literally sat next to me on the hood and tried kissing me! When I tried climbing off the hood to go inside by Tank he grabbed my arm to try to stop me...soooo I slapped his face. And since Drunkie was drunk...he fell off the side of the car and busted his lip.
That was my cue to run inside by Tank. Something I was trying to avoid because I didn't want to infect anything. (I made sure not to touch anything.) Told Tank what happened. Drunkie followed me in and tried to make a move to grab me again. The following took place:
Tank: I wouldn't do that if I were you. [meaning: don't touch her!]
*Drunkie made a move to try to grab for me again* [note: Tank and Drunkie were about the same size and height.]
Tank: I said DON"T. Last warning, dude. I suggest you leave her alone. Now.
Drunkie: Ooooh...soooo scared. *reaches to try to grab me, yet again*
POW! Tank had Drunkie on the floor so fast...it was like Superman speed fast. Sometime between then...and then...Drunkie realized he was no match for Tank and just decided to stay on the ground. Or maybe he had finally past out from all the booze in his system. I don't know...I found a bench and sat on my ass because I was feeling loopy from my illness and the added stress the whole thing caused.
The employees had already dialed 911 by now. Turns out one witnessed the exchange in the parking lot between me and Drunkie.Also turns out, Shitfaced was using the whole thing as a distraction to try to shoplift some beer. Only...being all shitfaced and everything, he wasn't very quiet about it.
Of course we had to stay to make statements and shit. I don't even remember what I said to the police. I don't even know if i made a statement, or if they just took Tanks and the employees. I just remember curling up on the bench to try to catch some z's. Lesson learned. Never leave the house while sick.
So, an hour after the normal 10 minutes this run should have taken, we were finally able to pay and leave. Tank had to carry me out the door. I was pretty stressed about the whole thing, thanking my lucky stars I didn't go alone. Tank tried to cheer me up some on the way home. "See, even while you're sick, you're still so beautiful that creepy drunk guys have to cause a scene just to get your attention. I'm one lucky son of a bitch," is what he said. Luckily, it was dark so he couldn't see my insane blush cause he called me beautiful.
...Oh yea, Tank and I started dating. This marked our 1 week of being official. (So high school of me, I know.) Hopefully 1 month and 1 year are a little more romantic than this.
As always, may your custies be more well behaved. ...And sober.