Miracle Eyes Jesus! Hot Seller or Markdown?

"Need a little holy supervision? You’re never alone when Jesus is watching you. Is it a miracle or an optical illusion? He won’t tell you what to do, but he will keep his eyes on you at all times. The features of this 7" tall polystone sculpture are carved in negative relief, but if you look at it long enough you’ll see the serene face of Jesus appear in stunning 3-D! Walk around the room and his eyes will follow you."

"The eyes on this Jesus sculpture follow you around the room, but it's not creepy at all because it's just Jesus."

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... Excuse me while I wail in terror and flee from this unholy abomination.

Now before you folks get up in arms about my response, LOOK closely at the eyes of this thing. Those pupils are NOT round! And who made this thing anyway? If Jesus looked like that back in the day, I would have said that the picture was taken AFTER he'd been dead for the three days and BEFORE he had risen again. And please, you cannot convince me that you feel like this thing is as benevolent as the real Jesus... You just can't.

If you love Jesus enough to make a product like this, the least you could do is make it look like you TRIED to put your love into it. This is such a piece of crap plastic that the colors are unnatural. He's got two red spots under his eyes... were those supposed to be cheerfully flushed cheeks? They look like unholy, red eyes rising from beneath his flesh. Anatomy, you got it wrong.

And that forehead... do you seriously want to tell me that the Son of God was suffering from a receeding hairline? Or that he tattooed pencil thin eyebrows above his eyes?

Look, I'm not religious so maybe I'm going to hell for my hatred and loathing of this product, but I simply cannot convince myself that this... thing... was made by ANYONE who truly loves Jesus. It looks like a cheap plastic knockoff that someone spat out for a quick buck.

"Hurr hurr hurr, it looks liek Jesus, this goood ideeea. Paychecks makes me belief in Gawd!"

 

May all your customers be nice,

Comments

[Crazy Cashier]

Agreed the blush adds another sort of creepiness to it .

[derrr]

Someone did spit it out for a quick buck, and they'll get it.

Why people spend on poorly done/odd/terrifying idolatry, I'll never know.

[photoslave]

That is seriously the creepiest depiction of Jesus I have ever seen.

[The Last Archimedean]

If I were Christian I'd be severely insulted by that ugly pice of junk!

[Jami]

I believe in God and I find this creepy and disgusting too.

Besides, in the Bible Jesus is described as having dark skin, "hair like wool," and he was also said to be homely.

So really this is just an idol of some random white guy. You might as well worship a poorly done Elvis Presley.

[The Last Archimedean]

I'd rather worship Elvis Presley's rotting corpse than this piece of crap.

[NumismaticNerd]

@Jami: Where does it say that? You've got me curious now ^^;

The thing is creepy... It seems though that it's made in likeness of the typical painting of Jesus though, so it's what most of us think He should look like...

[Jami]

I can't find the dark of skin part, but I did find this -

Isaiah 53:2
“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him,
nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.”

That's just one fragment from that section.

I do remember a few years ago the magazine Christianity Today did a computer rendering of what Jesus would've really looked like according to the Bible and it was nothing like that. I only ever looked at the cover when I was reshelving it at the library. So I never read the actual article. Just saw the picture on the cover. So I don't know if they were confirming or denying it. I tried to google it up but I kept finding the exact same image but attached to non-CT stuff, like some woman blogging about God's nose.

In fact, if I remember correctly, our typical image of Jesus is actually Michaelango's self portrait. Or maybe it was Davinci. One of those two was always painting himself as Jesus and other artists just picked up on it.

[Hellraiser]

@ Terry Everton, if he's here: This is how you add a little Jesus to the cheeseburger experience! Of course it will drive every sane custy away, but apparently we live to serve. Odd, isn't that what Christians are supposed to do? Someone's got it backwards.

[Humor_Me]

OM...nevermind... that's not MY god. I like the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It's hard to get it wrong. Just toss a little pasta. That is seriously creepy. I'll bet it ends up in a Dollar Tree one day scaring the crap outta kids.

[Skittles]

Wow aren't any of you guys familliar with Archie McPhee stuff. The whole store is a litany of disturbingly funny, and just plane wierd stuff. Like bacon, or pickle flavored gum. One of the things they sell that I have a small collection of is devil duckies. Just cute little rubber duckies with devil horns in various themes and sizes. Seriuosly the store has all sorts of fun things like tiki glasses, poodle stir sticks, and brain flavored candies in the shape of brains.

[Humor_Me]

Fine Skittles. I see your point. I'm so glad nobody's going to buy me that for Christmas though. A serious waste of resources.

[Chicajojobe]

Even if it doesn't say in the Bible Jesus was dark, he probably was.

He lived in the Middle East over 2000 years ago. He probably had dark hair and darker skin. Depictions of him we think of just show a fair skinned guy with light brown hair because most were done in Europe during the Renaissance where that was the standard of beauty.

[Joe the Cigar Guy]

Is it just me, or does that look more like Ringo?

[melmcl]

Just an idea - you have this over your shoulder at the register and add some red LED lights in the eyeballs. Make a switch under the register and whenever anyone gets out of line make them flicker! Then start yelling, "The eyes of Christ compel you!" at the top of your lungs.

[Spritzy]

I think my grandmother used to have one of those.