Awesome Nasty Ass Thief Punishment Signage

In Return to The Big Fancy there's a chapter titled "Night of a Thousand N.A.T.s" and there's a few NATs from it I'd love to see this happen with! 

 

What crazy punishment would you like to see the NATs have to endure?

Comments

[The Last Archimedean]

I know I wouldn't even THINK about stealing anything if that was the punishment...

I hate those commercials. You don't need a waterboard to torture me... 2 hours of those commercials on endless loop and I'd be giving a false confession to the murder of Mary Rogers [the real-life never solved crime immortalized in fictional form as "The Mystery of Marie Roget" by Edgar Allan Poe] just to get it to stop!

[Kiddo]

Not certain how creative this punishment is but here:

Take everything the NAT(s) consider precious and important to them (few exceptions made) and place it all in an area set up like a small store, with an appropriate price per item. Then have the NAT(s) take the place of an employee/the employees while the store is open to the public. They're not allowed to chase anyone down who steal and in fact are not allowed to touch the customers in any way. If they do, all of the stuff immediately is given away for free.

If a customer challenges them on a price, the matter will be brought to a spineless manager who will do anything to please the customer. They will not be allowed to discipline any kids (tell them to stop running in the aisles and such) nor will they be allowed to ask customers to leave. When the store finally closes for the day, the NAT(s) will be allowed to reclaim whatever is left of their stuff, under the understanding that if they're caught stealing again, this process will repeat. Any money made during the day goes to the slaves of the store the NAT(s) stole from.

[TR]

I love this site, but please consider using a different font. The current one is too difficult to read.

[Spritzy]

I don't get how the font is difficult to read? Unless you're referring to the font in the picture...cause there's no control over that cause the picture was submitted that way.

[Freddy]

Regarding Large Font Issue: We've been having some issues where some visitors are seeing large font because a coding mistake I made a couple of weeks ago when I was making ads for the book, apparently the word "Big" turned the text large! Typepad techies corrected it but if you were on the site at that time your cookies and cache may still hold on to it, so try doing a hard refresh (Ctrl+F5 if you are on PC)and erasing the cooking for the blog. Hopefully that should clear out. If it persists contact me at submit@retailhellunderground.com and I'll send the issue to the Typepad Techs.

[CashierBtch]

I'd start crying after two seconds. Those commercials get me every time. ;_;

[NC Tony]

Couldn't you just stick bamboo slivers under my fingernails or something?

[Humor_Me]

Oh, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster I haven't hooked up my tv yet. I used to work for a vet that was also the county pound. Wednesday was "clear the pound" day. Thankfully after I left for the day. I can't tell you how many cats I rescued, and I even managed to rescue a few dogs. I refuse to watch shelter/rescue commercials. The reasons for people not neutering their animals, or giving them up just drive my blood pressure to to critical level. Animals are NOT disposable! *steps off soap box and throws it into bonfire*

[Skittles]

If you really want to punish them make them sign onto 4chan's infamous /b then they have to argue with those dudes/dudettes until they admit the thief is right.

[Book Baby]

You COULD just make them listen to Justin Bieber for 24/7! I suspect that they would repent and join the Flying Spaghetti Monster church in a heartbeat!