Escaping From Bakery Hell

Hi there RHU, Bakery Bitch back again checking in after my...

wait for it...

LAST EVER shift at Bakery Hell.

Handed in my notice a month or so back, as now it's time to be a broke-ass unemployed student on the other side of the country. Somehow with a good 50 locations in my new city, I still haven't managed to get a transfer.

So, looking back on my first year as a retail slave, there's only a few things that stick in my mind.

Firstly, a list of just plain STUPID things that I'm quite certain I heard every single shift.

"I want a chocolate cookie."

"No, a CHOCOLATE one." 

We sell triple chocolate or white chocolate cookies pal, tell me which one you want or I'll pick it for you and shove it in your noisehole.

*

"I want a doughnut." No shit. Excuse me while I turn on my psychic bakery powers and select one from the 10+ options we have.

*

"I WANT THAT ONE *points at something three metal shelves below."

Of course,sir. I'll just turn off my psychic powers and replace it with x-ray vision to select your preferred ball of grease.

*

But for me, this was the kicker.

"I WANT A REFUND, YOU PROMISED ME HOT FOOD! YOU CAN'T ADVERTISE AS SELLING HOT FOOD AND THIS BE LUKEWARM!"

We have never, ever, sold hot food. In fact, we're not allowed to tell you we sell hot food 'cause we don't. We bake it fresh, and leave it to cool naturally. No, I won't heat it up for you, and see you coming back tomorrow bitching about food poisoning. I'd really love to see all these signs supposedly saying that our food is hot, as I've never seen them. If you want a hot pasty, ask me what's the most recent out the oven, or see what's coming and wait a few minutes. But shout at me and I WILL 'accidentally' crush your ham and cheese gloop into the bag or give you the most burnt,cold thing on the tray. Oh, and enjoy your change, because we've 'ran out' of notes so it's all in coins. Have a nice day, and I hope you choke on your boiling hot roll, you asshat.

--Former Bitch To a Bakery

Comments

[The Last Archimedean]

And people ask me why I'm always so polite to the people serving me food.

1) I've been on the other side of the counter, and 2) I'd like to make sure they don't go through what you just described because of me.

[Skittles]

I laughed at the 'I want a donut' bit. It never fails how stupid people can be. Seriously if you're in a bakery they might just sell multiple types of donuts.

[Humor_Me]

As long as it has a little card telling me what kind it is, I'm covered. But since I'm not a doughnut connoisseur, most of them pretty much look alike. I try not to stand in front of anything and say "I want [insert generic item here]" without first asking questions what would be the best choice or clarification.

[NC Tony]

"I want a doughnut" is right up there with "I want a cookie". I was at a restaurant one time where they had a separate bakery section for the deserts, and there is a whole display case of cookies. The kid ahead of my son and I in line just said, "I want a cookie." the guy behind the counter paused for a second, looked at the huge display of cookies and then said "Could you be a little more specific?" The kid pointed (not at anything in particular, but at the display case) and said "One of those cookies." The employee countered with "Which one? I've got 20 different kinds of cookies in there." At this point the dumb kids dumb mother comes over to see what's taking her little idiot so long to get a cookie. The employee explains to her that her son is asking for "a cookie" but not telling him which kind, again explaining there are 20 kinds of cookies in the display. Her response -- and I wish I were making this up -- "So what's the problem?" I had to step in, "Excuse me, let me show you how this works." I looked down at my son and said, "Tell him what you want kiddo." My son, polite as can be said "Can I have a chocolate chip cookie please?" The guy smiled and got my son the cookie, and I looked at the mother and said "That's how you do it." and walked back to my table.

[Jami]

I'm guilty of the pointing thing. Though at least I try to describe it. And that's when they don't have a sign or I can't see the sign without sitting on the floor.

[Skittles]

@NC Tony
That restores some faith in humanity for me, thanks for being a good parent.

[Nocturnesthesia]

That's why I try to avoid Starfucks or any of those fancy coffee places. I end up butchering the pronunciation of everything and often have no idea what I'm actually ordering, because I don't want to be the idiot that says "coffee please"...