Squirrel Underpants: What Is Even The Fuck?

"Squirrel Underpants are real! They started as an April Fools joke, but the reaction to them was so strong we decided to actually make them.
Are you sick and tired of squirrels running naked in the trees around your house? Have you had to hide your children’s eyes when a tiny furry streaker crosses the sidewalk in front of you? We’ve got the answer, Squirrel Underpants! Each pair of tiny briefs has a 3" waist and is made of 95% cotton and 5% spandex. Also good for hamsters, frogs and gerbils."

Price: $6.50

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What is... I can't even... *snaps like a twig* WHAT IS EVEN THE FUCK?! People will buy just any piece of shit won't they?

Heck we need food stamps just to eat once a day but nooo, let's fork out $7 plus shipping for a GODDAMN GAG GIFT!

And then... OH GOD THEY ADDED TO THE SERIES!

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"The crusade to clothe the squirrels continues! Our regular Squirrel Underpants have done wonders to make the male squirrel population more presentable, but what about the ladies? These dainty pink undies are sure to make the girl squirrels chatter with glee!

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WHHHYYYYY?!?!?!?!

Sweet Flying Spaghetti Monster! I mean, the video lists them at $9.50! Well gee wilickers the price went down, because we all know we'd rather spend $7 than $10 for fucking rodent undergarments!

Well why the flying fuck not? We'll see how many people get bitten by rabid squirrels while Bubba the Inbred Intern grabs wild, unpredictable, uncooperative animals and shoves clothes onto their bodies!

Sure, and let's not forget bras for mountain lions and pin striped suits for grizzly bears while we're at it! And let's see how pleasant wolves will be when we mash baseballs caps over their ears and spank their naked asses until they don proper clothing! Oooh! How about Honey Badgers! WHO VOLUNTEERS TO PUT PANTIES ON A HONEY BADER?! 

Comments

[Spritzy]

Those are hilarious! Seeing as I *am* a squirrel, finding appropriately sized undergarments can be a challenge. Does it have a gap for their bushy-bushy tail?

[Ilia]

@spritzy
Well, if the images are anything to go by, yes I guess they do. XD The tails seem to have no trouble.

[kel]

Before the economy tanked, we owned a humor store and these were one of our bestsellers. The #1 was the electronic yodeling pickle (also Archie McFee).

[Quartz]

Psst. Anyone want to buy a pet rock? S/he's all plain and grey, and not much bigger than a grain of sand, and sad because no one gives him/her a second glance. S/he needs a really good home to make up for severe neglect, so I'm charging about $5,000 to make sure the new owners have the financial ability give him/her the best possible care.

[Code_geek]

love the Archie McPhee company. We gave my niece a 12x12x16 suprise box for christmas one year, and gave her mom the squirrel underpants. This led to a discussion of how one actually attempts to sex a squirrel to see which underpants one should use... turned out to be pretty easy, though. The boy squirrels have nuts...

[Mollywobbles]

I'm sorry, but "What is even the fuck" has me laughing harder than the actual article.

[Themiscyra]

I have a cold and I'm already grumpy, so this is probably going to come off as brusque.

...okay, look, y'all realize that Archie McPhee is a novelty company, right? Some of their products are just weird-ass crap that they found God knows where, but some products, like Squirrel Underpants, are the kind of deliberately weird shit you'd find at any joke shop.

I'd never buy this stuff, either, and I'd side-eye anyone who did, but...I kind of just want to make sure you all realize this is a joke, because I'm getting a little sick of these rants about stuff you found at freaking Archie McPhee. I like Archie McPhee too. I don't need every third post here to be about their stock. Are they sponsoring RHU now or something? Because I honestly don't get it.

[Ilia]

@Themiscyra
I KNOW they're gag gifts, but they're fun to rant and exclaim over. Just scroll past it, I'll run out of things to comment about eventually. :P

[WMDKitty]

As a customer of Archie's (and someone who loves, loves, LOVES browsing both the meat-space and online store just for shits and giggles), YES! CONTINUE SPREADING THE WORD!

[NumismaticNerd]

I need to buy a few... for my dolls ^^;

[Humor_Me]

*eyeroll* I have 2 vests and finally a leash wrap for my service dog. Looking at the collection of crap I see handlers having for their dogs such as different vests, patches, costumes, leashes, custom collars, and other assorted stuff, I can't see how they are surviving on their incomes.

I'll admit my favorite novelty item was the rolling eyeballs, although I never understood why they had them weighted to face up. I would have weighted to face horizontal so you could really freak people out. That was a long time ago though.