The good news is that I finally found a second job! *dances around the studio* Caloo! Callay! Bank account HOORAY!
The bad news is that I now work retail.
Yes, RHU, after all these years I have truly joined your noble ranks.
But it's not too bad, as I'm at the local art store! It turns out that the one thing I can sell (and upsell, ha) with confidence and sincerity is art supplies. Nothing truly horrible has happened yet *knocks on wood* and the combination of a winsome smile and a simpering "Oh, please bear with me, I'm still learning," has bought me a lot of slack from the shopping public so far, but I know it's only a matter of time. You've all trained me much too well to expect otherwise.
Anyway, on to amusement! Here are my notes from the trenches thus far:
* Just this morning I had a older man ask if we were ever going to get some more .01 acetate. I walk him over to a drawer full of it. He insists it's not the right thing. We go all over the store, examining substitutes and checking the website, only to end up back in the same drawer with him exclaiming that this thickness was perfect and why didn't I show him that one first. I think I cracked a rib trying not to laugh at the poor guy.
* Don't hem and haw when I ask what you're making. The more details you give me about your project, the more accurately I can recommend stuff. No, really, it's very important and I promise I won't judge. But if after ten minutes of talking you suddenly reveal that the project is outdoors, don't be surprised that everything in your basket is now useless. And then I will judge you. Just a little bit.
* Holy fuckballs, I really hate people who talk on the phone while checking out. Seriously, lady, a normal transaction requires some communication -- if you want your discount, I can't pull up your account telepathically -- and squinting meaningfully at me doesn't cut it. Also, swiping your card before I've finished scanning your shit gives the machine a hissy fit. Thanks a bunch.
* We're an international company with an extensive webstore. It stands to reason that not everything you see online will be available on the shelf. Either call before you drive all the way out here, or don't get snippy with me.
* You have a little artist? Why yes, I will totally tell you all the best materials and classes to help them learn! (No sarcasm, this truly makes me happy.)
* Nothing conquers a dislike of ladders faster than a job where you're constantly climbing one. (We don't have "in back." We have "up.")
* Fellow artists make the best coworkers. There's only one dude I don't like and tomorrow's his last day.
* I need a pedometer. Seriously.
Stay strong, my friends. And thirsty. Every hour after punch-out is happy hour.
--Art & Amaretto