Things My Son Says While Shopping = Kill Me Now Moments

I think my kid wants to kill me with embarrassment.

Seems like every time we are out in public, usually the store or something, he says or does something that makes me want to go "That's not my kid!" But it seems to get the retail people smiling, so I guess it's not soooo bad.

First, we were at the library. He had already picked out a book to take home, and I was browsing the shelves. He would randomly say, "Hey mommy, what's this word?" or "What's this?" I was reading the back of a book that looked interesting, when he says, "hey mooooooom." I asked him to wait for a few seconds so I could finish reading the back, when all of a sudden he just yells "Mom! I got to pee and poop!!!!" Top of his lungs, in the quiet library, with at least a dozen people nearby. Eesh. We left shortly after he was done in the bathroom.

Second, we were at the store, buying some pancake mix cause I wanted pancakes the next morning. The cashier was a younger girl, with a boyish haircut, but well, she was rather large breasted. (I may have made the mistake of confusing her for a boy if it weren't for that.) Next thing I know, my son is asking, "Mommy why does that boy got big boobies?" Even though I was very red in the face and apologizing to the poor slave, she was laughing her butt off. (I'll never forgive my ex for teaching my son the word boobies years ago.)

Lastly, in a different store, stocking up on some bathroom essentials. (ie: toilet paper, soap, tampons - face it, I'm a girl, it happens, deal with it.) While ringing out, my son decides to get all curious and start asking what tampons are for. My usual "you'll know when you are old enough to know" answer wasn't enough for him. He asks, "Do you stick it in your ears?" then he went through mouth, nose, belly button etc. Til it dawns on him, "Oh no! Does it go in your butt?!" Red faced mommy again, trying to hush him going "Nooooo!" I pointed his attention to candy and he quickly forgot, but the cashier sure was giggling from that.

Next time I go out, I may just put a muzzle on him. (Okay, not really, but maybe I can introduce the quiet game to him.)

<3 Karebear

Comments

[lamer]

It happens. My son asks, ”Is that your boob?” He's also told my husband, ” I'm going to stick my penis in your belly button.”,My secret when we're in the store is to feed him while we're shopping (food from home).

[CashierBtch]

I'll tell you, with him asking why the "boy" cashier had big boobies. It probably made her day. Kids are usually the best part of cashiering for me, them and their silly shenanigans.

And game or food work. get him a cheap DS from gamestop and get him something like tetris or mario kart. those are fairly easy games (depending on his age) If you have the money to splurge on him at xmas, get him a 3ds or 3dsxl. the 3d feature can be turned off and they can play the old DS and 3DS games.

[BookAce]

I'm slightly terrified of kids, but I have to say, sometimes they can seriously make a dull day hilarious. I'll take a funny kid who just has a propensity for over-sharing over a hellspawn any day! Far as I can see, if it gets the slaves genuinely laughing, there's nothing to be sorry about. We all know how valuable a laugh can be. =)

[m.]

I love you karebear, but seriously? I think there are better ways to handle the curiosity of children, and getting embarrassed and not answering their questions is not it. I actually had a similar incident with my little boy. He picked up a box of tampons and asked what they were for. I said they're something women use. He asked if it goes in their "front". I said yes but that the topic was inappropriate for children to talk about so not to bring it up again. He said ok and moved on. I've never understood why anyone would be embarrassed about normal bodily functions.

If you're too embarrassed to answer his questions in public then at least let him know that if he ever has a question about people's bodies to ask it when you get home. Please don't teach your son that women's bodies are something to be ashamed of.

[Legal Minion]

Hehehehe. My toddler is noisy, but she doesn't know enough words yet to make anyone fuss. She just likes shouting "BYE BYE!" down the aisle at random strangers. It usually makes them laugh. She'll also smile and babble on with cashiers. I like to encourage her to be friendly and outgoing (even only at 16 months).

Hehe. Boobies. ^.^

[Book Baby]

Don't worry about the library. We get at LEAST two kids a day yelling that they need to go potty NOW.

[BookishGirl]

The 'newborn' photo of my youngest great-niece (she's now 4) has her in a t-shirt that says "Boobies Make Me Smile". Makes a change from the hospital gowns!

[heavy melvanova]

Forget the little kids spouting embarrassing things, that's fine, it's cute and funny, they don't know any better, yet. It's when your parents say horrible TMI stuff in public that you need to worry.

I knew more about my mother's bowels than my own, so did the rest of the world, and no, she's wasn't elderly. Nuff said.

[Karebear]

@M: My son is only 5 years old, going to be 6 in two months. I feel he has no reason to know at such a young age. I mean, he still uses he/him for everyone instead of he/she or him/her (even after correcting him for the last 2 years.) And I am not embarrassed about the female body and all that, I do happen to have one. While your child may have dropped it, I know my son would not. He is the nosy kind and won't stop asking why until you have explained something 100 times.

Only reason I got embarrassed about it in the store was because he yelled the last part. I got alot of o_O looks at other folks who didn't hear part of the convo before.

[Chicajojobe]

Even us kid loathing ex-baby store slaves know the loudly announcing the need for the bathroom is just part of being a kid. And I'd laugh my butt off too if the boobies thing happened to me. So don't worry about those.
The tampons though, yeah that's just mortifying.

[Alshara]

Remember these stories and when he is old enough to say... I dunno date? Mention them. This embarrassment he is giving you now will be paid back in years from now.

When he brings his first gf or bf over:
"Honey, remember that time you asked me what a tampoon is for? Well, you're old enough now..."
Him to date: GO GO GO!

[Queer Geek]

Always remember you can embarrass him when he gets older as payback.

Honey, I think those jeans are riding to high on the crotch! Don't you think so? (Now amplify that when his classmates past by him in the retail store.)

[NC Tony]

For some reason that last story reminds me of an episode of Roseanne (yeah, I used to watch the show, cause John Goodman always made me laugh).

Anyway, DJ was going through puberty and embarrassed, so Roseanne starts telling him about her first period. He doesn't want to hear it so he runs screaming through the house. He runs into Dan who grabs DJ and asking him why he's running through the house screaming like a maniac. DJ blurts out a long run on sentence that boils down to "Mom was telling me about her first period." Dan lets DJ go and says "As you were." and DJ runs screaming into his room.

[m.]

@Karebear, my son is 4 years old. I think the reason he drops a subject when I tell him to is because he knows I'll spank him if he doesn't do what I say the first time.