Anywho, I come bearing the tidings of annoyance. I work for a large bar in the Sodom that is Las Vegas' Gamora...yep New Orleans. The Big Easy. The place where we only live due to tourists, and yet everybody hates the with the passion of one thousand super nova suns. But all is not well in this town of drunks, addicts, hookers, and debauchery barely allowed under the Napoleonic Code.
You see, barbacks, are not something every bar has. Hell, I know a few a stone's throw away from my own over priced watering hole that don't have them.
For those not familiar with the job: We run around restocking the bar for the bartenders. This includes but is not limited to: Cutting/refilling fruit to garnish drinks, refilling beer coolers, replacing empty bottles of liquor, refilling their ice wells, restocking napkins+straws, washing glassware, restocking plastic cups if the bar uses them, changing out garbage cans, ect. Pretty much if it isn't mixing the cocktail or opening the beer... we do it. All with a dime store smile for server wages and a cut of the bartender's tips.
So often times, tourists don't know what to make of us, but here are a few things not to do:
1) Do not decide you and your group need to clog the opening(s) in and out of the bar. Very simple reason. WE RUN THROUGH THERE A THOUSAND TIMES A NIGHT! Your little drunken epiphany can be as easily made two feet to the side. We are carting kegs of beer, cases of beer, 30-50lb buckets of ice, or easily close to a dozen bottle of liquor all balanced very poorly in our hands while running. Stopping isn't easy, and anything we break...we buy. Another great reason, is you are slowing us down and stopping the party from flowing. You want another Jack and coke...sorry can't serve you because my barback can't get past your 4 friends to give the replacement for the bottle you drained!
2) We are not allowed to dispence any form of beverage. I can't even make myself a cup of coca cola. So when you flag one of us down when we are behind the bar, and order a drink, do not get beligerent when we inform you that we are not bartenders and can not dispense anything. Normally, we will flag down a bartender for you, but when you are a dick... we will walk off. Dick phrases include but are not limited to: "Come on man, sure you can, no one will know.", "Stop being lazy and get me my damn drink!", and "Then why the fuck are you behind the bar?!"
3) Do not try to be slick or cute by grabbing a 6-pack/bottle we set down on the bar. Again, we pay for things we break...stolen goods count as broken. This is the same as me showing up to a corner of business and cutting off the dick you are about to suck. Most of us are very aware of our surroundings, we have to dodge busy bartencers for 8-20hrs a day after all. We will see you, we will grab you, and either we or security will hurl your ass outside into the nearest puke pile. Then again, on a bad day, we may just stab you. Little Known Fact: Most bar employees carry a knife, asp, or some other form of small weapon for personal protection.
4) Do not get mad when we don't stop to talk to you if we are behind the bar. This is for two reasons:
a) We are busy little slaves and rarely have a free minute for a smoke, yet alone idle chatter.
b) Stopping behind the bar causes us to be in a bartender's way. This gets us in trouble and costs us money. If a bartender can't make drinks, he can't get tipped, if he isn't getting tips then my cut gets smaller. We will come around the bar and chat with you when we have a moment... if we like you.
5) TIP! We actually get mad about this more than the bartender. If you can't afford to give atleast $1 PER DRINK...don't come out. Nothing is more irritating than watching a group kill a fresh full bottle of expensive liquor for a round of shots... only to see no tip.
Seriously! You can afford a $200 round of drinks for your buddies, but can't spare anything for the guy who made it... and subsequently the guy who made sure he had everything needed to make it?! Get the hell out you cheapskating piece of filth! Drink at home so you don't take up space for good customers.
That is all for now, there will be horror stories to come when I have more free time. At the moment, however; I hear a bartender yelling... guess my smoke is done.
Until next time, may all your custies be manageable.