Hiring New People Sucks

I realize this is kind of long, but it's been a very GRRRR ordeal for me. GRR as in, tiring and stressful on all parties.

So with the holidays approaching (face it, they are), Tank realized he needs to hire more people to help with the extra coverage that people are requesting from us. A few malls have a contract with us to provide mall security, as well as some banks and then your normal rich people who want to feel safe while throwing their annual Christmas blowout party. (I don't really know all the people or businesses that we help with, I just answer the phones, set up appointments, and greet the clients who come in.) So we basically need to hire a little mini army to join the ranks of our already little mini army.

I posted on all the job boards, craigslist, and even some local newspaper ads about the job. Come in to find my email full of 50 (FIFTY) applications. And this was only day one. Alrightie then...Tank had me pulling the applications that met the basic requirements. He gave me a list of the basic requirements, I read the applications, either clicked save or delete. Out of the 50 applications, I deleted 20. (Seriously?! READ the requirements!! They are there for a reason!) So, I'm down to 30.

Tank has one of those assessments/questionnaires that people have to fill out. (He made his own website and his own application/assestemnt. - Pretty impressive!)  For some reason I was getting alllllll of them, even the ones that scored below the percentage that we wanted. So Tank had me finding the ones that were scored the highest. (Most of the questions were all common sense, like "If someone were to come into the store and grab X item off the shelf, what would you do?" and the answers would have two decent answers [one being more decent than the other] and two horribly stupid answers.) Decided to give all the apps that scored above 50% to Tank and just save the others, for the just in case moments. So, he got 20 applications. Didn't think he was going to pick all of them, but he did...and I had to call 20 people to set up interviews with!

Luckily I only had to leave messages for 5 people, the other 15 answered. I suck horribly at leaving messages..."Oh...uh...hi...this is Karebear...from...uh" *crap what's the company name again?!* "[Company.]" I get so tongue tied talking to thin air.

Anyways, finally got all 20 set up for an interview in a 3 day time period.

Now, hiring takes a stupidly long process here. Tank wants to make sure he is getting the best of the best of the best. Though, who can blame him? It's a security job. Need to be...securityily...(Inventing new words here.)

Here's our process: (Note: I realize I say you here, it got much easier to just say you rather than the interviewee over and over.)

First Interview With Papa/What he looks for:
Before you are even set to the office for the actual interview, I was told to take notes. Tank wanted me to make sure that you are polite to me and Dolly (other office lady) or if you are a dickwad to us, but a peach to them. I was told to see how you are waiting, such as if you are sitting there patiently or looking impatient. Not really sure why Tank wanted this info, but if bossman wants it, bossman gets it. (I also offer you a beverage, usually coffee, tea or water. If you say yes please or no thank you, I take note you are polite, and sorta semi like you.)  Then you get to deal with Papa, and here are some of the things HE pays attention to:

What time you arrive for your interview. If you arrive 10-20 minutes before your scheduled interview, he loves you. If you arrive on time or 5 minutes before, he believes you'll be at work on time most of the time. If you arrive after scheduled interview, without a logical explanation (IE: car accident, car troubles, death of family member), you'll most likely not get hired. (If you call beforehand saying you're late because of traffic or are lost, he'll consider you again - just tell you to leave earlier or buy a map.)

Judges you on your handshake. He won't offer his hand, but likes it when interviewee does. You get kudo Papa points. Also likes stronger handshakes, but won't reallllllly judge on strength of it. (He's a weird old man, I guess.)

How you are dressed. He says the better you look for your interview, the more you want the job. If you come in looking like a bum that slept on a sidewalk the night prior, you most likely will not get hired. (He understands that times are tough and money is tight for folks, but again, he knows Tank wants the best of the best of the best. Surely isn't going to risk his job - like he'd really get fired...not)

Second Interview with Tank and Papa
It's usually following right after the first interview, unless Tank is in a meeting or out of the office. Then you are scheduled for the next available day. I don't really know what goes on here, just that you have to really wow Tank. He trusts Papa's judgement, but there have been times when Tank hasn't liked one of Papa's suggestions. One of Tank's favorite questions though is, "If someone were to come up to my girlfriend and try to mug her or something, what would you do?" One guy told Tank, "I'd beat the ever living shit out of him for messing with a lady, then call you to see if you wanted to beat the ever living shit out of him for messing with your girlfriend." Even though Tank advised against doing just that, he still hired the guy. (He changes the question up sometimes, from mugging to kidnapping...when I asked, he said it's one of his biggest fears. Waiting for the day he hires me a personal bodyguard for the times he isn't present.)

Paperwork - sooooo much paperwork!!
If you are deemed awesome enough, you get to go through the paperwork process. You get to sit at the end of my desk and fill out so much paperwork, asking for so much info that your eyeballs bleed. We want SSN, birth date, driver's license number, plate numbers, PERC card (I think it's call that) info, proof of residence, proof of birth, proof of HS/College/whatever else education related, if you got a firearms card (in my state you can't have a gun unless you got some special little card), that number, name of your first born. You get the drift. I sit there twiddling my thumbs going OMG are you done yet?! in my mind. Unless I got something else to do, but usually...I don't know. (I finish my work too quick sometimes and the phone doesn't ring a lot...Only so many times I can reorganize the file cabinets or put label stickers on items like tape and pens.)

After all that is done I give you a packet to take to a doctor to get a TB test. Then I give you a little cup to pee in so Tank can do the pee-pee test right then and there (drug test.) That way you can't use someone else's pee. We also recommend getting the TB test done ASAP cause you won't be hired until that is returned. We also have to conduct an extensive background check. We don't want pedos roaming the halls of the malls where children are present or ex-bank robbers guarding a bank. (Obviously!) So I send you on your way with a cheery "We'll call you soon!"

Final interview and more paperwork!!!
After your TB test and background comes back, we (I) call you back in to talk to Tank again. At this time, he asks if you REALLLLY want this job. If you say no, we pack you up and out the door (no one has ever said no), if you say yes you get to fill out more forms for payroll. Once that is all done, I give you the uniform and set you up for an orientation.I explain that you need to be present and on time for the orientation, as well in full uniform. If you have tattoos on your arms, you must wear the long sleeve shirt because visible tattoos are a no no on the floor. I also give you the information of where you are to report to after your orientation/training. Schedule will be discussed during those times.

I'm not involved in orientation or training so I don't really know what is conducted there. Just that Papa hates doing it so much, that he tries to get all the new hires in at the same time.

Out of those 20 people, 10 have already been hired. I have complied a list of things that annoyed me, Tank and Papa during the whole process.

Entering the building like you are like the gift of the Earth. Had some guy come waltzing in and in a sing-songing voice yell "I have arrived bitches!" Yeah...swearing...really? No...dude, just no.

Not telling me who you are. Seriously, I had a guy come in for an interview, stated he was there for an interview, and when I asked for his name all he gave me was, "I have an interview at 11." No shit Sherlock. However, I cannot inform Papa you are there if I do not have your name to pull up your file/application. Papa had the appointment book of interviewees with him in his office. I can not magically read minds!!

Calling nonstop about your interview. If you only had the first interview and didn't schedule the second one, I am not going to magically schedule you for one. I will give the line, "We are currently interviewing others and will get back to you regarding your application once we are finished." If you are calling after all the paperwork, please wait....these background checks are not instant. (Though one guy actually brought in his own...hoping we wouldn't do it because he was trying to hide the fact that he had been arrested for possession. Like we're stupid, gosh!)

Submitting an application and calling nonstop about it before we even have a chance to review it. No joke, a guy called and asked if we looked at his app yet. When I asked when he submitted it, he stated he finished it 3 minutes before. Dude...I haven't even looked at my email in about 15 minutes. I'll call you when I have showed it to Tank and he deemed you call worthy.

Do NOT look down  my shirt!! If I catch you, I will tell Papa and Tank! While I'm not sure what they'll do, I'll still tell them!

Do NOT hit on me! (Or the other office lady!)

Do NOT interrupt either of the boys while they are talking/asking questions. Doing it accidentally is one thing (apologize for it), but doing it all the time...shows that you aren't willing to listen, bub!

Don't ask me for my phone number! Creeper!!

It's been a very long and tiring ordeal. Though, I got the pleasure of telling Tank that I thought one of the interviewees seemed like a sexual harassment case in the waiting. Guy never looked at my face, always my breasts, and made some very crude comments to me while he was waiting for Papa to interview him. ("Does the carpet match the drapes?" "What size bra you got?") Yeah....like I wouldn't mention ANY of this to Tank...*rolls eyes* I realize I should have kicked him out then and there (Tank asked me why I didn't), but somehow I think him not getting a callback or hire was some sweet revenge.

Tank still wants to hire 5-10 more, so I get to go through another patch of applications to sort out for him later this week. (One mall alone wants about 7-10 new guys there to cover the holiday madness. Ugh.) Save me?

--Karebear

 

Comments

[Fortune Cookie]

The handshake thing is interesting. Around here it is polite to shake hands but only appropriate if the more senior person/ boss offers the hand.

[The Worst]

"I'd beat the ever living shit out of him for messing with a lady, then call you to see if you wanted to beat the ever living shit out of him for messing with your girlfriend."

Best. Answer. Ever! Is that guy single? Sorry you've had to put up with creepers, and I hope you find the best folks for the job soon!

[Karebear]

I was surprised by the amount of creepers. You would think that while wanting to get a job they would be decent, but...once a creep always a creep?

Also amazed me that people who weren't really qualified were applying. But I guess people are desperate these days for jobs. (Understandable.)

[shoehaven]

Karebear - for the people who aren't really qualified but still qualify ... that doesn't surprise me at all.

My f/t job deals with clients who are recently laid off from their job and some of the advice they are given is to apply anyways, even if you aren't 100% qualified. If you do manage to get to an interview stage and the hiring person likes you they're more willing to hire and train you for the position as opposed to a more qualified person who is a dick/creep.

[Karebear]

I guess I should clarify somewhat. (I have a habit of assuming everyone knows what I know, which...isn't much but still :P)

All we really need for a non-firearms position (not carrying a gun) is a HS diploma. Easy enough.

But for firearms positions (carrying a gun)you need a special card from the state that states you can legally have a firearm. From my understanding, they are easy enough to get (just takes a few weeks to be mailed and shit) unless you are an ex-con or deemed mentally unstable (or being in the hospital for mental problems in the past 5 or 7 years.)

We had people who didn't have this nifty little card try applying for a firearms position.

[The Last Archimedean]

I've said it before, KareBear, but you and Tank are a wonderful match and I hope you stay together for a very long time.

Now, about the post...

I fully understand people applying for it who don't meet 100% of the requirements. I've actually been hired for jobs where I met none -- zero -- of the posted requirements, and done well at them. But a security company is likely to be a lot more persnickity than your average job about those things.

As for the creepers... just ugh.

As far as hitting on you or the other office lady... probably not a good idea, but they don't necessarily know your status. And on those times I've been single, if I met someone who was pretty and sweet, even in a situation like that, I might be tempted to say something ambiguous that could be interpreted as just being nice or as a subtle form of flirting, just to see if I get a positive response. If it's out-and-out hitting on you, that's different, but a subtle compliment...

Anyway, sorry you're feeling stressed about all this but I'm very glad you are employed and have a good man in your life. I hope things keep going well for you!

[Nocturnesthesia]

Ugh, the creepers. My favorite anecdote was from a paralegal friend who witnessed a client hitting on the lawyer... while she was defending him in a sexual harassment case. Lovely.

[Skittles]

Having read the posts about Tank it is obvious he is a great guy and probably a great employer.

I got to say however having read the interview process I would turn the positiion down. Frankly the answer to "what would you do if my GF was being mugged?" should always be: maintain her safety while subduing the mugger then contacting the police. Anything else is outside the authority of a security gaurd and you can not let emotions rule your intellect(Ironic misspelling?), especially if you are carrying a fire arm, as some of them plan to do. The hand shake thing is a pet peeve of mine a firm handshake tells you nothing about a person, ever. I can crush walnuts with my bare hand yet you will never recieve more than a light shake from me. Doesn't meen I can't be intimidating just that I don't feel the need to neolithically crush other peoples hands.

[Azbear]

May I offer a tip on leaving phone messages? This freaks me out too.

Grab a sheet of paper or an index card and write down your spiel, then you don't have to think or stress about it.

I love reading your posts. Tank and you sound awesome. ^^

[Michael Chandra]

@Skittles: Given how he corrected that answer as not the right call, and handshake is only a slight note, not sure why that would be reason to not take the job.

[perky]

I agree with Fortune Cookie about the hand shake, I was always taught that it was presumptuous and a bit rude for the less senior person to offer the handshake.

[Hellbound Alleee]

I think creepers behave as creepers even during job interviews, because they truly believe that there is nothing wrong with their behavior. Sense of entitlement.