Boss Hell: Quitting Because of a Bully and Feeling Bad About It

Hi. I've been coming to this site for a while now, but this will be my fist submission. I wish I found this site sooner, but I'm glad I did. It's nice to meet you. Call me Ms. PictureEditor, or PicEdit for short.

For 2 years I was a retouching artist and personal assistant to a photographer working with volume children photography (think yearbook but twice a year). Always on location, I was required to get up early, meet my boss (I'll call him AlphaDouch, or AD for short), drive to location, set up, keep kids from hurting themselves, tear down, and then edit, retouch, print, and ready the pics for delivery, and this all had to be done in 3-4 weeks, even though we advertise 4-6. Sometimes this meant 12 to 16 hour days, but I was getting overtime, so I bit my lip.

I got really good at it, and the company was growing. We got more jobs, AD was opening an actual studio for walk ins, and my average hours jumped from 40 to 52. Nice paycheck, but dying social life. So I asked him to hire more help, or at least think about it.

So he goes out and hires 2 more photographers, and spends a lot of his time doing personal matters on his cell while I'm in the back working.

Ok, now I'm getting overwhelmed. But AD kept telling me "You make $$$ an hour when you go overtime. You love your work. What else matters?"

So I agreed with him... and then my uncle died, and his funeral landed on our biggest job that year. I begged for at least the afternoon so I could go to just the service. He said fine. The next day, he asked me which side of the family he was from.

PicEdit: "He's my adopted grandpa."

AD: "Adopted? So not blood related?"

PicEdit: "Yeah."

AD: "If I had known that, I wouldn't have given you the time off."

PicEdit: "Why?! He's family!"

AD: "Did you visit him every day?"

PicEdit: "Well, no. I was working mostly."

AD: "Then you obviously didn't love him."

What... the...? Seriously? What does blood have to do with any of that? That man and his wife attended every Christmas, recital, birthday, and Thanksgiving I can remember! How could I not love him?

At this point I was losing weight and had had diarrhea for 6 months now. I was constantly drinking 4 bottles of water a day to stay hydrated. I was becoming more and more scared of him. Every time I messed up one order out of the 1000+ I processed that month, he would scream and stomp his feet and fists like a child that was 100lbs bigger than me muscle wise.

So I waited until we were between seasons, made sure to type up every note I had and instructions for everything I did, and turned in my two weeks, giving him a full month to find a new assistant.

He literally said, "You just fucked me."

PicEdit: "It's fine! I made sure to make time to-"

AD: "You just fucked me. How could you fuck me!? After all I did for you?! How could you fuck me like this!?"

PicEdit: "B-but I-"

AD: "Why didn't you tell me 3 months ago!? Every assistant I had told me 6 months in advance! I have no time to find a new one, and YOU have to be here to train them!"

I was almost crying at this point. I gave him a MONTH to find a new assistant, and when I walked out of there, he had bullied me into making myself available for another month, time I was already planning on giving him.

I couldn't stop crying for the whole next day. I was terrified. I was convinced at this point that he would beat me if I saw him again. So my mother helped me type up a note, drove me other there when I knew he would be gone, and dropped it off with my key. Then I ran.

That's how I quit... And I still feel wrong about it.

Was I wrong?

May all your bosses respect you.

--PicEdit

Comments

[Kat]

Honestly, with all of your experience you could probably open up your own business. As for feeling guilty, you shouldn't. He's pretty much kept you in this weird dependent relationship with his business, but in the end, he doesn't care about you. If he was willing to pay you so much overtime, then you were cheap to him to begin with. Take care of yourself and find something better. He can't do anything to you physically, or even verbally, because there's always the possibility of police involvement and bad publicity.

Goodluck to you. Take care of your health. Network with your friends (now that I'm sure you have more time for a social life), and things will get better.

[Shannah]

You did what you had to in order to protect yourself from someone who was being abusive.

I don't think you should feel guilty. The guy's a jerk.

[Eviscerator]

'You just fucked me'

..Good? He's been fucking you over for so long, it's about time.

[Nomnom]

Honey, you need to get feeling OUTRAGED and stop feeling guilty. You just went through the list of ways he fucked YOU. I agree with Eviscerator - GOOD. I'M GLAD HE'S FUCKED BECAUSE YOU QUIT. Serves him right. You should be glad too.

Also I wouldn't even give him the month you said you would. Or even the two weeks. Just never go back.

[Soft Ice Girl]

PicEdit, from what you have written, I am glad that you are out there, and so should you be. That guy seems to be such a self-centered douchebag, what with making you work so much that you didn´t have time to see your family, then reprimanding you for not proving your love for them by visiting every (!) day.

[Sales Agent Guy]

That guy deserves to be fucked. Hell, I would've walked off on the spot if he was causing that much stress.

[Mrs. Lovett]

Please don't feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about, and this guy's not worth it. You were extremely considerate in giving him a month's notice, and he proved he didn't deserve your consideration by pitching a fit like a baby and leaving you feeling unsafe. You should never have to feel unsafe at work! You did the right thing by getting out.

And I totally agree with Kat. If he could justify the cost of so much overtime rather than hiring additional part-time help, then you were clearly making him a ton more money than he was paying you (which, to be fair, is how employment works, but it still shows how valuable your skills were to him). Use everything you learned at this job to put together a portfolio and find a job with someone who will respect you and value you as an employee.

[Nocturnesthesia]

You don't have to take that kind of bullshit from anyone. That breed of asshole preys on vulnerable people by using guilt as a weapon, and you were absolutely right to say "fuck you, I'm out." Good luck finding something better, but no paycheck is worth being terrified and physically sick constantly.

[Chicajojojobe]

Okay, this is beyond work place bullying. I'd call this a work place abusive relationship.

He over steps the boundaries of employer/employee (to make a massive understatement!), and is emotionally manipulative when you try to leave.

Good riddance.

[Bored at the Bookstore]

Oooh, you were right to drop a note and runlikehell. Heck, you could probably file suit for harassment, at the very least. If he comes after you, go straight to the police - and to the court for a restraining order.

I once quit a job (where I spent all day being verbally abused by my supervisor) by calling the office after work and giving an immediate verbal notice - "I am tired of the yelling and abasement being dished out. I can't take it any more. I quit. I won't be in on Monday, or any otheer day." When the boss said, "You can't DO that!" I said "Watch me. The abuse will only get worse if I work out my notice. Mail my final check."

She threatened to give me a bad reference, and I returned the favor by saying I would detail the verbal abuse to any potential employer. And I never heard from them again, aside from the final paycheck that arrived in the mail.

[Hellbound Alleee]

Your time and talents are too valuable to worry about his stupid problems. Not your job--that's his problem. It's his business. You don't work there anymore. He knows that you cared about his business, and you were invaluable--yet he still treated you like shit. He's not your father. In fact, even if he WERE your father, you don't owe him bupkis. I hope you enjoy whatever you do, and don't suffer fools.

[Lxhydn]

A note was already more than he deserved.

[CellsSells]

To quote Gandhi, "Don't let people walk through your mind with their dirty feet." You got out alive and in more or less one piece. You deserve so much better than that asshole!

[PicEdit]

Thank you all. It really helps to hear this. I left that company 3 months ago and was still feeling guilty about it. In the meanwhile, I am attempting to start my own buisness. Best of luck to you all!

[NC Tony]

I probably would have quit after the "You don't love your grandfather" incident. I don't visit my grandmother (or my mother) everyday, for the obvious reasons that they live too far away to make that remotely feasible. Doesn't mean I don't love them.

This guy was a grade A douchebag, and like others said, giving him two weeks notice was more than he deserved and I don't blame you for doing what you did. I'm glad you fucked him over. In fact, after you dropped off the note and the key, you should have gone to the police and seen about filing a restraining order just to make sure he didn't try to retaliate.

[Legal Minion]

You were in no way wrong. He was a horrible person, and you did what was best (and safest!) for you.

[Framer-Fatal]

I saw red for you. You need to get rid of all your guilt, because there is no reason for it. You were too nice, if anything. Don't ever think otherwise. This jerk was a sentence away from real legal trouble.

When you wrote that he said "You fucked me" my head shouted back "Good! I'm glad! I hope you enjoyed it. I'd say I wish I tore your a new asshole, but you're so much asshole there isn't anything else to fuck!"

[5 Star Slave]

So glad you got out of there. And so happy to hear you are starting your own business! You know that's guy's business inside and out--the best revenge would be putting him out of business! Although I think you should still file a harassment suit. There are plenty of lawyers out there that would be pleased as punch to help you in such a slam-dunk case.

[Char]

Wow. I'd hate to see how he treats his family!

Glad you got out of there. No one should treat someone else like that. I'd even say this would equal a criminal investigation.

[Duke of URL]

He was an asshole, plain and simple. You gave him more of a notice than is customary, he badgered you to agree to more; and in doing so, he lost it all. He deserved worse than you gave him, so don't give it a second thought.

[Mage]

please please PLEASE tell me this guy isn't married or raising a kid or in some other way caring for someone in his home... Holy hell...

And he did the lowest abuser trick in the book, getting in your head, that's why you feel the guilt. I echo the getting the authorities on him if you can, but add in a get yourself to a therapist as soon as you can for a mental tune up. Situations like that can really mess you up in the long run if you are not careful and it might help get rid of that guilt.

Good luck with the business, hope you end up with all his old customers and none of his custys *evil laughter*

[Skittles]

You had every right to leave well before you did. You owed that guy nothing. You might want to consider looking into co-dependancy it sounds like you have some issues with being co-dependant.